Has anyone made contact with "lost" but still living family members?

[Annie65115]

As the person who started this thread, I have stories both good and bad.

Of course, I've had contact with very distant relatives - 3rd, 4th cousins - but at that distance I don't really feel a family connection. We've helped each other out with our trees but contact fades away after that, and that's OK. However, a very kind person sent me a lot of photos, family letters etc about someone who was allegedly my great-grandfather. Since my mother had never known her "real" granddad, this caused some excitement. Sadly, DNA eventually showed that someone else (who was known to my mum!) was the true grandfather, so the photos have been put away again. But I remain grateful to the person who helped me.

However - a friend of mine was contacted by a surprise half-sibling. This has not turned out well for anyone, and really disturbed family memories of a generation who are no longer here to explain or defend their actions.

I haven't contacted the people I mentioned at the start of the thread -- yet! I think I'm going to talk about it with a cousin (a first cousin, that is, related by blood and who I've known all my life) who actually still lives in the relevant area. I don't know if she might want to be involved too. Strength (of resolve!) in numbers.

[ThrelfallYorky]

Good luck! You'll never know until you try. We'll all be interested to know how you go on.
TY

[sandiep]

there are some "discoveries" very difficult to decide on, when I sent for my grandfathers cert I was very surprised to find a different surname, now I nor any family had any knowlege of this and no marriage has ever been found.....years after I finallly decided to to DNA and am 99% sure I know who my great grandfather might have been but decided not to contact family as he had been a married man with family, I am happy with my decision and I am sure you will be whatever you deside. good luck

[coombs]

A few times I have had contact but it has faded away once we have exchanged initial notes on our family trees. I guess even though they are distantly related to us, they are still strangers. But as said, I have kept in regualr touch with one certain distant cousin, her father and my dad's father were first cousins.

[Annie65115]

Well, thanks again to all who replied. I hope you don't feel your time was wasted, but I've decided to let sleeping dogs lie.

I've given it a lot of thought and your responses helped me do so. But on reflection, I think that these people may never have heard of me, or they may have heard of my dad and whatever caused the split between him and their father may be something that they don't want bringing up, or they might feel angry about etc etc etc.

My feelings have been swayed by my friend's experience, alluded to in a post above, where a lot of upset has been caused by a previously unknown family member getting in touch. That's been very "active" again recently and it's causing all sorts of illfeeling for my friend's family.

This adopted brother, his wife and offspring are now on my Ancestry tree so if anyone from that line wants to do FH, they may come across my tree and approach me. And I'm going to add the name to my list of surname interests for the same reason. But I'm not going to be any more proactive than that.

[aghadowey]

Everyone has to make their own decisions on how to proceed and there's no right or wrong answer. 

[coombs]

Sometimes they may not always want to make contact due to the fact if they do meet with you, they may not want to be inundated with endless questions about the family history, and they feel like it is an interrogation. They may have this "It was a long time ago" strategy.

[Gillg]

But sometimes they are happy to meet up and share their family memories with you.  When I met two descendants of my gt-grandfather's brother they brought along their family photo album and gave me lots of extra details and anecdotes, even offering to make copies of any photos I wanted.
I guess I was lucky that they too were interested in the family history.

[louisa maud]

I was very lucky after a shaky start.

LM