What should I do in this situation??? (NPE)

[TheCurly]

Probably the standard here but my Nan is against DNA genealogy but is very active in making her own family tree, I decided to start also about 3 years ago and grew a very far branched line based off records but when I got me and my mother to do a DNA test it became quickly apparent my Nan had a different father which I researched for over a year and finally managed to pin down the person who it is and was a man who lived from 1930-2022 who died just before I discovered my connection to him.

The man had been married for 70 years from 1952-2022 and my Nan was born in 1954 and he had 2 kids with his wife born in 1953 and 1970.

All I know about my nans conception was that my great grandma (1926-1983) planning to runaway from my originally thought to be great grandad (1922-1985) because they'd been married for over 7 years and he didn't get her pregnant and she was planning to runaway with another man but suddenly became pregnant in 1953 and stayed with my thought to be great grandad and nobody has questioned whether my Nan was not my thought to be great grandads child as I assumed she was until this DNA test

I'm really nervous about what to do next in this situation as I'm conflicted about contacting either them two children of my great grandad because of the fact my Nan was convinced while their parents were married and I don't want a negative reaction off them like I'm trying to gain anything financial or make them view their father in a negative way

I'm also extremely cautious on my Nan as she's always lived knowing her dad as the 1922-1985 thought to be great grandad and is against DNA testing technology type stuff and i have a really strong relationship with her and don't want to stir the pot and potentially harm the relationship I have with her that I value heavily and I love her dearly and I wonder if it's even worth the stress for both parties as He's already dead.

What's your thoughts???

[AnotherDay]

I think we do need to be careful when doing family history (especially with DNA). And I also think we should be kind. Given that you value your relationship with your Nan, that is probably your key consideration. But if Nan hated one or both of her parents, then that is another consideration. A thing to remember is that once the genie is out of the bottle, there is no going back. Take care.

[Neale1961]

The OP has already posted the same question using a different name. Numerous answers given.
https://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=883317.0

[Biggles50]

In reality you do not need to involve her.

In any Family Tree you can assign Relationships as you want from a selected list.

What this means is for an individual in a tree you can have more than two parental relationships set, i.e. Step, Biological, Adopted etc so you have Two Father’s shown in your tree, one Biological and the other Step or “Adopted”. 

Then you have tree branches from each going back through their lineage and with the person with Two Father’s which line you want to view in the Family Tree is selectable.  In a Family Tree on Ancestry view the person and click of Edit Relationships and select Make Preferred

[brigidmac]

I have helped someone whose birth father was not who his mother had said .

They felt betrayed and lied to .

While the DNA does indicate the birth father it doesn't show whether he told the truth about his name + birth place

It does Not show if the birth was the result of a long term affair a one night stand or of rape .

So the mother can not be blamed automatically but may have felt shame & embarrassment for many years .

+ A child may have been lied to about their birthfather because he was not a nice person

You can do your own investigations about this person ..and as you have DNA matches you could contact the younger or more distant matches or your greatgrandfathers other great grandchildren or great nephews & nieces  without saying the exact relationship but asking more about this man or for photos of his ancestors  .
You could check that he hasn't been in newspapers for violence or rape.

Satisfy your own curiosity but not leave your grandmother open to such speculation .

From the other post you say.your mother isn't interested whether or not she has half cousins .

My mother's half cousin thought that his father would have wanted to know that he had a big sister but that was before marriage  . It harder if the half siblings were born during a "respectable" marriage .

Another family; a granddaughter found out from paper trail that her grandmother had had 2 children with her husband before they married and another 2byearsvafternhusbands death 2 years before marriage to new husbands
The other grandchildren half siblings and cousins refused to believe that.their staid grandmother could have done this .

Btw curly why did you start a new topic with same question ?.

[Wexflyer]

What you shouldn't do is keep posting the same question several times over in new threads.

[Zaphod99]

The link below has had no action for nearly two weeks. What is wrong with asking the question again to get more wisdom from perhaps new people?  It might have been a good idea for the second question to state that this had been asked before, but once a question goes dormant people almost never read it unless they're searching for something and it comes up years later.

Zaph

The OP has already posted the same question using a different name. Numerous answers given.
https://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=883317.0

[aghadowey]

The link below has had no action for nearly two weeks. What is wrong with asking the question again to get more wisdom from perhaps new people?  It might have been a good idea for the second question to state that this had been asked before, but once a question goes dormant people almost never read it unless they're searching for something and it comes up years later.
Zaph

This thread was started on Wednesday 5th June. Other thread started the following day. Not sure why OP started new topic 

[Cas (stallc)]

There are 2 accounts. The Curly (2 posts) & The Curlylocks (17 posts) which are obviously the same person, as the content on NPE are the same.

The question on wanting others thoughts, was posted on each account.

Quite confusing

Moderator comment: this thread locked .  Please can OP clarify perhaps on the other thread?