Buying a DNA Kit on Ancestry as a gift

[Essnell]

Hi 
 I have been thinking about this and even made a suggestion some time ago but the response was negative. 

Now as XMAS comes closer the son-in -law has asked for a kit as a gift. This is great but how do I name/label this kit when buying it through my own Ancestry Account.
Will I be able to view the results as well as he.  I am researching his father who appears to be someone different to the names on the documentation.  It's a burning question with a lot of disbelief attached.  Also a recent NPE has been ? identified, hence finally willing to do the test.

Any ideas will be helpful, thanks  for looking.
Essnell.




 I am waiting on my results from this company at present.

[Lisa in California]

Hi Essnell,

My reply may be quite different from others you may receive but I am grateful we had tests done.  My mum was quite receptive to having her test done; she thought that it could only help me. My brother wasn’t interested (he’s heard years of genealogy stories and the topic doesn’t interest him), but after I offered to pay for the test, he finally gave in.  My son and husband also had tests done.  All were through Anc*try.

I paid for my brother’s test and had it shipped to his address.  I believe once he received the results he “allowed” me to view them. It was a number of years ago, but I can still see his account(?) as well as my mum’s even though she passed away two years ago.  I don’t remember how we linked everything up, but it was quite easy to do. 

You mentioned that he asked for the kit as a gift.  But, you also mentioned that he’s finally willing to do the test.  If I may offer a bit of advice, please?  If there is a bit of mystery involved, will he truly want the results?  A couple times I’ve witnessed very shocked reactions.  One older man (when he found out that he had Greek rather than German ancestors) was so upset about the lies he obviously was told during his upbringing refused to accept that he didn’t have German ancestors.  I don’t think he ever accepted his never-before-mentioned Greek family.  Will your son-in-law really want to see something that could be upsetting; will he want the possible truth?

On the other hand, a few years ago, I found out an ancestor had a baby and gave her up for adoption (prior to her meeting(?)/marrying my ancestor).  I welcomed my unexpected DNA match with a descendant of the baby but for me it was easy to do as I didn’t know the ancestor or the circumstances she and the baby faced.

You shouldn't have any difficulty ordering, paying for and viewing results for the kit (I believe we called Anc*try and actually spoke to a human when ordering my brother’s and mother’s kits). But, since you asked, if my in-law had disbelief involved, and was “finally willing to do the test”, I would not get involved. I know I’m an overly private person (even my grandparents are marked as still living - all passed away before I was five years old - as others don’t need to know what I consider to be private), BUT, until the results are known, I think only your son-in-law should view the results if he is absolutely prepared for any outcome.

I hope everything works out for your family.  I hope you don’t mind how I stated my opinion, it was only offered with past experience in mind.

[Ruskie]

Essnell, I think there was a recent thread asking a similar question. I will try to find it and post a link here if I do.

[Ruskie]

This is the thread I was thinking about but unsure if it answers your question:
https://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=867877.0

[Essnell]

Hi,

Thank you everyone for the replies they are much appreciated.

I have read the link to the other thread and it is helpful.

The issue is that there are two things to deal with. The longest one is Son-in-Law's Father whom they believe gilded the lilly about lots of things and so there is this disbelief there.  Recently it has come to light that there is a half brother and that has really rattled his cage.  But apparently some in the family knew and that the child was adopted out.  So now looking for some answers.

There has been contact via a cousin re this half Brother and they are asking for assistance too.
I shall  look up the support sections as advised ,
Cheers Essnell   -- many thanks. 
I have been working on the tree for him for some time and I really would like to keep up with what is found. Here's hoping my research pays off.

[Essnell]

Hi, 

I contacted Ancestry today and their response was first ask him to share his tree and DNA with me once it is all done and sorted.

That's  an  unknown response given how he appears to be disinterested.

Then they suggested that I buy the kit  and set up a tree for him myself and activate the kit before giving it to him.  Then I would get all the info etc.  It could be done, not hard but it's deceitful so not an option.  So no real solution.  He may not want a tree!

I could add him and his info to my tree [as a side tree] making it all private.  That might work as a first option.   That way I might get hints and insights etc.

Otherwise get both to upload to MyHeritage which I will do with my own ancestry test results when I get them.
Cheers,
Essnell

[phil57]

The bottom line, and the reason for Ancestry's response and requirements, is that it is his DNA and his decision what happens to it and how it is used. So they require him to have at least a free account so that he can set his preferences and options, and give you permission to manage the test if that is his wish.

My brother is not particularly interested in his test results as such, although he is interested in the family history that I discover as a result of both our tests. With his permission, I registered his test in his name before I posted it to him and set up his free account. We discussed his preferences for how Ancestry handle his DNA and I set them accordingly. I sent him a link to his account and gave him his username and password. He has access to my tree through his account as it his shared with him, but he prefers to see the charts and reports that I produce from my own tree software. I don't think he has ever logged in to the Ancestry account, but I use it from time to time to relink his test to new versions of our tree that I upload to my account.

He does not have a tree. He has granted me permission to manage his test, and his test is linked to him in my tree.

All of that is above board and there is nothing deceitful involved, although there obviously has to be an element of trust between the test taker and the manager. But should my brother ever wish to, he has the information to be able to log in to his account, remove me as the manager of his test, change his password and not share it with me, or completely delete his DNA and data.

Of course, with the information he has expressly shared with me, I could do the same without his consent, but as I said, there has to be a level of trust on both sides for the arrangement to work, and I went to great lengths to explain everything to him, including those "nuclear" options, when we set it up.

[Essnell]

Hi Phil 57,

Thank you for sharing what you have set up with your brother. 

This is really difficult for me with this.  The whole point is the trust level between everyone. 

Getting the DNA done is the first step, so I am just going to get it and hope that some sort of cooperation develops. 

What has already been researched remains as is.  However I was given the documents needed to start with by my Daughter, at her request, otherwise those would not be with me. 

The push for this is coming from this cousin so maybe it may develop further.

I will add some of this info to him within my tree and take it from there.

Thank you for all your advice.

Essnell

[Ruskie]

Son in law is entitled to test his own DNA and give you access to results of he wishes. His need for answers is understandable.

As mentioned by Lisa, son in law going ahead with a DNA test may drive a wedge between him and his father. Unsure if I am correct, but it sounds like son in law has suspicions, is anticipating the worst, and his father is concerned about the truth coming out? Cousin is pushing for answers too, but son in law should try not to be too swayed by cousin. In some ways it sounds like he is an awkward position.

The relationship between son in law and his cousin might also come into the equation. If the cousins are not close, and the results of the test interfere with the relationship between son in law and his father, might cousin get his answer and then disappear leaving a mess behind?

However, if everyone is already uncomfortable with possible fibs and unknowns, finding out the truth one way or another via a DNA test might clear the air.

It is up to your son in law to decide whether to take a test or not. If you buy him the test, he does not need to test immediately and can hold on to it until he comes to his own decision.