How to reconcile with the past?

[pharmaT]

1. You have done nothing wrong.
2. The past is a different country. They do things differently there.
3. You cannot change what has happened.

And above all, don't feel ashamed (or proud) about anything you find; it's just interesting !

Completely agree with Andrew.  I set out to record my family history as accurately as possible.  I am not to blame for my ancestor's wrongs in the same way I am not entitled to credit for their accomplishments.  I think it is highly unlikely that anyone could compile a decent sized tree and not find at least one ancestor whose actions they don't completely approve of.

[Andrew Tarr]

Believe in and follow your Book’s teachings.

What - every single one of them ? 

[Mike in Cumbria]

Believe in and follow your Book’s teachings.

What - every single one of them ? 

There's some very dodgy stuff in that book.

[brigidmac]

So sorry that this is bothering you .
I just wondered have you done the DNA trail as well as the paper trail

There may have been a break in the lines and these people NOT. Blood relatives .

If you have done DNA and not yet come across any matches with any African ethnicity
You can at least be assured that your relatives didn't have relationships with their slaves .
 
Also they may have owned slaves thru inheritance not personal choice and could still have been taking  part in the underground slave liberation train .

Just because someone was recorded as slave may not mean that was actual relationship as mixed race marriage was illegal sometimes a loving couple was recorded as slave owner and slave .
 
 

[BumbleB]

Very, very sorry that you have taken this stance as we cannot be held responsible for our ancestors' misdoings.

A lot of things happened in the past which were horrendous, all over the world and in all centuries.  All we can hope is that SOME lessons have been learned, and that these horrors never happen again, although I very much doubt it.  After all we are hearing of dreadful happening currently in lots of different areas of the world.  Man, unfortunately, is not the nicest/kindest species of animal on earth.   

[pharmaT]

Bumble, by us researching and telling the stories we are helping give others the opportunity to learn from the past.  You're right many won't but at least we are doing our part.

[BumbleB]

Absolutely, pharmaT.  I've been researching my families for some years now.  Up to now I have not found any real "black sheep", but I did find, and trace his journeys, a Missionary who went to South Africa in 1819, just a few months after marrying in Leeds.  He later left the ministry and became Mayor of PMB and was known to a lot of people as "old shixty" as that was the interest rate he charged 

In 1832 he helped Chief Moroka and his tribe on their trek from Maquassie to Thaba Nchu.

I've just found this item (a few minutes ago)-

"In 1848 Archbell resigned from the ministry. In his subsequent career as a journalist and politician in Natal, he was a leader in the cause of white supremacy, repeatedly expressing distaste for African people and bitter opposition to all so-called negrophile missionaries like John Philip."

 

On the other hand I had families living in Yorkshire whose children worked in the mills from an early age.

We have to take the rough with the smooth and REMEMBER that their lives were THEN, and ours are now.  We can't change history 

[Guy Etchells]

Hi all

My family history has taken a very unexpected turn, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

When I began, my family were proudly descended from 19th century South Australian free settlers. I unearthed two convicts on my mother's side and faced some resistance in reconciling my family to that. However, the fact that both convicts were not murderers or rapists but had merely stolen from their employers to feed their families, and had committed no further crimes, helped with that, as had the general Australian attitude since the bicentenary in 1988 to be proud rather than ashamed of convict heritage.

But this week I have now stumbled on the fact that on my father's side we go back to the plantation owning Codrington family of the Leeward Islands and Barbados, who owned and traded in hundreds of slaves. Never would I have expected my family history to take me down this path.

I feel very conflicted about this, as it is totally at odds with my Quaker upbringing. I am literally losing sleep over this.

How do I reconcile this history with myself, and then present it to my family?

Any advice appreciated.

Nudge

You don’t, if you want to do family history the first thing you have to accept is, nothing you do today will change the past, record accurately what you have learnt and do not repeat what they have done if is against your beliefs.
What can you do, trace the descendants of every slave they owned and give each a thousand pounds, would that change any second of the past, NO!
Will it make amends to the people who were wronged no, the only thing it might do is make you feel better, so don’t try to slave your conscious, instead live a true life.
I as a none Quaker thought one of the Quaker values was that the truth is continually revealed. Are you at odds with the revelation or that your Quaker values have proved to be true in this respect?
If the latter do you believe that each individual is unique, if that is also true then show your uniqueness by not repeating the past mistakes.
Bring out your inner strength and respect your fellow man whether they have done right or wrong do not judge them, accept them as I believe your faith guides you to do.
Cheers
Guy

[coombs]

I have a quite recent ancestor who cheated on his dying wife while she was ill with TB and got another woman pregnant. The woman was a single woman and they later married after his dying wife succumbed to her illness. They then moved to another part of the country.

We always will find an ancestor who was illegitimate, a criminal who was sent to Australia, or a shotgun wedding, but the huge amount of pregnant brides in the 1700s and 1800s, and earlier and later, shows bridal pregnancy was actually very, very common.