What would you do?

[River Tyne Lass]

I think if I was in your situation I would send a friendly letter letting Aunt know that I would love  to have contact with her, if she would welcome this too.  I would explain a bit about myself, being the family researcher, etc.  I would stress that she should feel under no pressure and that I would understand and respect her decision if she said no.  I would also add that if this was the case,  I would leave her my contact details and say that I would leave things as an open door if she changed her mind and wanted contact with me further down the line.

I would advise following your heart in making contact with your Aunt and then leave it up to her what she decides to do.  At least she will have had a choice and an opportunity. 

I really don't think you need to worry about involving/seeking agreement from other family members in this at all.  This is something you are interested in and I don't think agreement from other family members is needed for you to go ahead.  People will always have different feelings/viewpoints.  Some relatives might have an approach of let sleeping dogs lie and that is fine and up to them but you also have a right to act on your own if you have different inclination regarding the situation.

I think it sounds hopeful that your Aunt  might be receptive to the idea of contact otherwise she would likely not have given her care organization staff permission to pass on anything. 

I wish you all the best with this and it would be nice to hear how things turn out.  I daresay, this thread might be helpful to other RootsChatters now and in the future who might be in a similar situation.

I agree with Iluleah's comment.  All those years ago, it would have been the standard advice to have relatives in your Aunt's situation placed in institutions and move on and forget.  Your Grandparents may have been told that this was best thing to do for your Aunt and the rest of the family and they may have done this contrary to their own wishes in the belief they were acting in the best interest.

[Flattybasher9]

Considering "She is being supported by a care organisation, who I contacted and they confirmed she was receiving their support and that she had given them permission to release this information to me". so why would you write. The primary contact has already been made, so it's now time to do the face to face thing. It can only go one of two ways. Your "aunt" may have been waiting for this for many years, so why put it off further. Hope it goes well.

Malky

[Viktoria]

A lot of good sincere advice has already been given.
What strikes me is this lady seems capable of making decisions and communicating.
Even your father does not have the right to dictate anything other than what your conscience  is telling you to do.
Go, poor soul, she must have wondered why so neglected by her family.
We must also remember how much attitudes have changed in such a long period of time.
The rest of the family followed what was considered “ The best”  for her and all concerned probably without a great deal of knowledge only what the “ experts of the time told them.
Please let us know how you go on, I don’t think a kind person like you will rest easy until you do something positive.
Cheerio, and a very Happy Christmas and I hope an interesting and fulfilling New Year.
Viktoria.

[Jackiemh]

I think that making contact and arranging a visit would be the way to go.
If you can do that openly, you might find that some of your family may support you but do not want to pursue contact themselves.
Good luck with your aunt.
Jackie

[brigidmac]

I'm sure your aunt will be pleased to see you and talk to you.It would probably be a bit overwhelming to see several people at once .So I agree that you can inform her siblings once you have contacted her yourself . Thanks for sharing.

[Andrew Tarr]

You are in the awkward position of trying to guess whether you will bring joy to some of your family while raising a few hackles in others.  I don't think any of us can advise with confidence, as you will be the best judge of your relatives.  But I don't feel that any skeletons will be revealed, just that some people can be oversensitive to potentially worrying issues.

On balance I think it may be better not to keep things hidden unless there is very good reason.

[groom]

Where you have the advantage over some others who discover a long lost relative, is the fact that other members of your family know she existed, she isn't a hidden illegitimate child. Although she was never spoken about, they did probably think about her.

Could it be that her relatives are scared of meeting her as they don't know how badly disabled she is, after all they were children at the time she was placed in an institution? From what you have said, she is obviously capable of understanding and communicating her wishes. You have already made the initial contact with the carers, and they have passed this on to her, so it would be cruel to let her think she has been abandoned by her family again.

This time of the year is the perfect time to get in touch. Send her a Christmas card with a note in it and then let her make the decision. Tell her siblings that you have found her and have made contact, but will understand if they don't want to follow it up. Maybe they will be quite happy for you to make the first contact and keep them informed.

[Westoe]

There is one more thing that I would consider. If you do go forward with the contact and go to see her, (and I agree with the others that yes, you should), I think that you should take her some small modest gift, something in the nature of a "hostess present", something that she can look at afterwards to remind her that she has finally had a family visitor.

But ... you, at this point, don't have any knowledge of what her disability is, so I would also write separately to the care-giving organization asking for advice in that line. If, for example,  they tell you that one of the high points of her life is the weekly visit from the therapy dog, a Golden Retriever, then a calendar with pictures of Goldens or puppies would probably please her.  On the other hand, if she is also diabetic or unable to feed herself, a box of chocs is not a good idea. See what I mean?

Cheers,
Westoe

[Jackiemh]

I agree, a small gift would be a good idea.
Hopefully, the care organisation would be able to advise on that.
Jackie