Reasons why your relatives don't help you with your research

[BillyF]

A relative told me to leave it  that when I started researching my gt grandmother, but I carried on because she was just that and I consider we have a right to know !
 However, I would tread carefully if I was to find anything of a sensitive nature; the problem being that something I wouldn`t have trouble accepting, someone else might.

[Viktoria]

People very dear to me but not related were of interest to me and their tree  sort of overlapped mine.
I was just idly trying to sort out a relationship ,a woman married someone with the same surname as her maiden name,her father and husband were both lay preachers in the fervour of 19C Methodism.
It turned out one was adopted,I knew them so well ,but I felt really guilty
for finding out what  had  never been mentioned and the daughter I felt
would probably be totally unaware of it.
Adoption is not by any means a disgrace,but the reason perhaps in those days and that religious climate may have been. So I  closed my computer and have never followed any of it up since.
I realised at once that although I was researching my family tree knowing the families were in some way connected,I ought to have asked.
So I felt very chastened and learnt a very salutory lesson.
Ie That although it was all many many years ago and available for anyone to
look into, it is still a family’s history and to many people private.
I never mentioned my findings and did not pursue it further.
Viktoria.
 

[Andrew Tarr]

One relation says "Leave the past where it is"! 

 
That is an unfortunate attitude.  Lessons of all kinds can be learnt from history - it's silly to deliberately ignore it in case it is a bit unexpected.  Findings cannot hurt the dead, and any living relations should have no reason to be ashamed.

[Finley 1]

Stop worrying..

You found it on the Net... they can find it on the Net.. simple..

ITS OUT THERE  then it will be found..

Just dont tell if they dont ask..

  if they ask tell them to do the research themselves.. Make their own conclusions..

I have lots of little secrets.. na na na na ... not telling 

they want to know  let em find out..

Why should we divulge stuff -- they are NOT ACTIVELY looking for.

xin

[bugbear]

One issue I've encountered (not with my own family) is people not wanting "family stories" checked.

They would far rather take it on faith that (e.g.) granny was both completely honest and accurate (not the same thing) than risk checking it.

Members of this forum will be all too aware of the scope/reasons for inaccuracy in family stories.

  BugBear

[Andrew Tarr]

Members of this forum will be all too aware of the scope/reasons for inaccuracy in family stories.

I will briefly relate three stories from my family:
(1)  Gt-grandfather died at 36 due to illness after being rescued from the sea by lifeboat.  He actually died of typhoid, but had been rescued from the tide while fishing several months earlier (local newspaper story).
(2)  Other grandfather 'ran away to sea following an incident with a horse'.  He seems to have done that in the normal way (at 17) after his father had tried to reclaim unpaid stud fees from a neighbour (local newspaper).
(3)  Great-uncle 'put his head in a gas oven'.  He certainly disappears from all the likely sources I have looked at, and I still occasionally have another look.

[pharmaT]

One issue I've encountered (not with my own family) is people not wanting "family stories" checked.

They would far rather take it on faith that (e.g.) granny was both completely honest and accurate (not the same thing) than risk checking it.

Members of this forum will be all too aware of the scope/reasons for inaccuracy in family stories.

  BugBear

Their loss. All my family stories have had some element of truth in it and for some of them the actual story was much more fascinating than the original family story. 

[pinefamily]

We also have to remember that relatives have their own lives to lead. I recall one cousin of my father's whom I had never met but talked to on the phone. After several very fruitful chats over a period of time I received a very brusque "not interested " out of the blue. I was shocked and a little confused by the sudden change in attitude. I discovered later that she had been terminally ill and passed away soon after.

[Rosinish]

people not wanting "family stories" checked.

They would far rather take it on faith that (e.g.) granny was both completely honest and accurate (not the same thing) than risk checking it.

Members of this forum will be all too aware of the scope/reasons for inaccuracy in family stories.

Just!

Helping a friend who's illegitimate father was born 1929 Greenock, Scotland...

He was 'a war baby' but...

The mother was already married to someone else & her husband was in the Army although I don't know whether/where he was in 1928 when child was conceived i.e. almost the truth although not quite 

Annie