Reasons why your relatives don't help you with your research

[louisa maud]

I found out something that no one else knew, fortunately the daughter had already died but I made up my mind I would never tell a close family person, I found a court case for maintenance 1904 ish, how can a man, not named on the birth cert but someone else be accused of being the father, he paid up so I assume he had some sort of dalliance, no DNA in those days
Sometimes thing are best left unsaid

Louisa Maud

[pharmaT]

To play Devil’s Advocate for a moment, as Viktoria said, the past belongs to all our relatives. As genealogists we want to know all about it, but does that give us the right to expect others to feel the same? If they know things they don’t want to share, should we virtually force them to do so, or should we respect their decision,  however frustrating to us?

Then if we discover something about a member of a family, should we tell them or others if they haven't shown any interest? Once said, it can’t be taken back. I think that being the Family Historian carries a lot of responsibility.

I do think that before we start telling people that Uncle Jim was adopted and we know his birth parents, we need to think about who else it affects, how many people might have their life upset. By all means look for these things to  satisfy our own curiosity but don't expect everyone else to be so excited or to want to share a secret they have carried all their life.

Personally I only tell people if they specifically ask. I don't hide that I do genealogy, I tell people it's my hobby. If someone asks me to tell them about their ancestors without giving an inkling that they know then I'll warn them they may hear stuff they don't like are they sure they want me to tell them.

However I refuse to stop my hobby because someone else is not interested. Like my MIL wanted me to do. I wouldn't bore someone but I will research for myself.

[carom]

On my mother's side I have a lack of relatives to ask! She was an only child as was her Scottish father. The closest relative she was in touch with was a 3rd cousin.

[greenrig]

Unsurprisingly, most people are not interested in other people's families. When I meet other amateur genealogists, they start to tell me fascinating stories about their relatives. Unless this reveals some useful source or technique, I'm polite, but not really interested. I suspect this is often the case.   If other family members have not got an interest then a long story about someone they have never heard of may not be helpful.   
Also, especially in older generations, there are real inhibitions over so-called "family scandals" - like divorce, suicide, gay people, illegitimacy, poverty, rogues and criminals.   It may seem interesting and quaint to us, but these issues have caused real family rifts in the past.   Asking questions about these people will often not be helpful.     If you know the family history then say so, and let the family come to you with their questions. Don't push too hard.   
Just my view.

[pinefamily]

Very well put, Groom.

[Andrew Tarr]

My wife often relates how her mother would stay schtumm in the nicest possible way when asked about some aspects of family history - which of course seems annoying to us.  And on my side, my grandmother was one of nine children: five girls, four boys.  Only two of the girls married, and all five led respectable if unremarkable lives.  The brothers were not talked about.  One is reputed to have committed suicide, one died in infancy, and the other two appear to have been pretty ordinary lower-class Liverpool characters - not respectable at all. 

[coombs]

If you discover an affair in your ancestry and tell your relatives they may say "That would never happen in our family, dont be so ridiculous". There is still a stigma about such scandals in family history. If our ancestors were all law abiding then it would not just be Michael Parkinson whose ancestors are "boring" but everyone's.

[rayard]

I'm not quite sure how to express this thought;-  maybe people won't supply information to be put on a public tree because then it can be taken and put on an incorrect tree?
One relation says "Leave the past where it is"!
rayard.

[Guy Etchells]

When I have been asked about the family tree I notice relatives only want  any scandals or to be related to nobility , my husbands family were supposed to be related to a well respected physicist way back, well they had money, lived in a completely different part of England whereas my husbands family were very poor and came for South London, there is no way they are related, and they are not as I have done their complete tree,  so a glazed look comes over their faces and I just stop as I know they don't want any more info,  got nothing to crow about, you get to learn the ones who are interested

I have however found some really nice distant cousins  from my mother's side of the family, so don't give up because people are not interested, do it for your own interest

Happy Hunting

Louisa Maud

I have been researching all my life and have found that any relatives I have had contact with have been happy to provide me with information and indeed artifacts, even after I married and started researching my wife's tree her family and relatives have in the main been happy to give me information, photos etc.
Perhaps it is because I don't question (interrogate) them and ask but simply talk to them and show interest in their experiences and memories.

Cheers
Guy