Reasons why your relatives don't help you with your research

[Mart 'n' Al]

My Alice's mother's ancestors were Lueddeckes, originally from Halberstadt in East Germany. One emigrated to Missouri in the late 1870s.  I haven't looked into the German heritage, (where do I start?) but most of the American ones are descendants.

Martin

[pharmaT]

My daughters tell me it is really stupid because they're all dead.  My older daughter says I should get a proper hobby but it's an ideal hobby for me given that I can pick it up, lay it down and then pock it back up again.  I can't commit to a specific club night due to shift work and other than stuff for the kids and work I don't go out.

My Mum was worried that I'd find out about my Great Uncle.  My Great Gran had forbidden mention of him because he had "shamed the family".  I did find out about him.  He had had an accident at work causing a head injury which in turn led to confusion, mood swings and speech difficulties, he was admitted to the asylum where he sadly died.

My MIL ordered me not to even try and research because SHE wasn't interested.  So I just don't tell anyone what I find.

[louisa maud]

Pharma, their loss, just enjoy what you are doing, I don't think my daughter is interested but my grandchildren have shown a little interest, so there is hope

Louisa Maud

[mumjo]

My parents had died before I started to show an interest, but remembering the snippets my father used to tell me, I think he would have been very interested in helping. Especially after I found that the man he used to call uncle was actually his half brother.
OHs parents were divided. MIL gave me as much info as she knew but FIL refused to talk and got very irate about it all. It turned out it wasn't family history that was the problem but the fact that he has a vast mistrust of the internet!
Jo

[Jed59]

Ok so would daurs.. particularly the  older  one.. like to think that  in 150 years,a  descendant  of hers  might  look at her  picture and say "good  heavens...  our so and so is the spitting image  of Great great grandma" And so she wont have entirely gone!
Of course, we all end up on the rubbish  tip of history, but I "rescued "  2 great aunts from oblivion just yet,  by finding out their  names..also an aunt , they all died in infancy.and I'm sure many others could say the same!
Family  History has been called the democratisation of  history,  if  being remembered is good enough for the  likes  of  kings and queens,surely it's good enough for the rest of  us!

[coombs]

In my experience, the reason people don't respond is laziness. I have sent all mine countless easy-fill forms, on paper and on line. Nothing comes back!   

But they do visit the tree on Ancestry and do comment on new finds, but do not contribute themselves. 

Regards 

Chas

I have come across such people, seems they want your info, and as much as you can give, then they can run off with it and add it to their trees. Freeloaders.

[pinefamily]

My in-laws told me to stop when I discovered they were 4th cousins, lol.
Seriously though they were interested in what I found.
My grandmother was secretive about her immediate family, but still told me more than any of her children knew. I discovered she had born illegitimate, and had had a less than happy childhood with a nasty stepfather. Through documents in the archives I found my great grandfather's name and a whole new line to follow.
There are many reasons why people don't want to share information, or don't want to know about the past.

[Viktoria]

Well I suppose the past does not just belong to us, it belongs to everyone in our immediate and extended family.
Some want to know others want to forget .
I get upset when people who know things won’t share because they are not interested,but the people I ask about are my relatives too.
Secrets affect people differently and suicides are always upsetting,a sort of shame I suppose dating from the days when it was a criminal offence.
But thankfully we think of things differently nowadays.
You can’t make someone be interested,sadly, but tell what you know and
 at least you have given your rellies an airing,and those not interested now may become interested in time to come .
But family tragedies were traditionally hidden, a dark secret ,so no real catharsis,and the sadness lingers .
To me the greater sadness is that a life is almost expunged from history.
What they were going through to feel suicide was the only way we will never know but I feel they ought to be remembered ,and with compassion.
Not for us to judge.
But old attitudes die hard ,but for someone to never be mentioned again ,wow that ought to be reserved for the worst of the worst ,but then would we ever learn from history?
Deep water now and I cannot swim .
Viktoria.

[groom]

To play Devil’s Advocate for a moment, as Viktoria said, the past belongs to all our relatives. As genealogists we want to know all about it, but does that give us the right to expect others to feel the same? If they know things they don’t want to share, should we virtually force them to do so, or should we respect their decision,  however frustrating to us?

Then if we discover something about a member of a family, should we tell them or others if they haven't shown any interest? Once said, it can’t be taken back. I think that being the Family Historian carries a lot of responsibility.

I do think that before we start telling people that Uncle Jim was adopted and we know his birth parents, we need to think about who else it affects, how many people might have their life upset. By all means look for these things to  satisfy our own curiosity but don't expect everyone else to be so excited or to want to share a secret they have carried all their life.