Should I just bin all my reserach and forget about it?

[ThrelfallYorky]

Oh, PharmaT ... yet again you've let people upset you to the point of tears .... who on earth are they to do so? Wipe those eyes, set back those shoulders, stand tall, and think straight:
You have successfully brought up your daughter - who sounds a fine girl. - What have "they" done?
You have spent years chasing facts and information IN ALL AVAILABLE FORMATS, and piecing them together, exactly as we all do, to build up as good a picture of our family ancestry as we can - should we all give up, too, because we haven't actually got the hand-written on vellum original dated 1323?
You have checked,  double-checked and treble checked, I'm sure, all the information you've collated
 before adding it - what "proof" have "they" of their accuracy?
You have helped others on these forums, and contributed to the successful research done by others -  "they" probably have been as negative, tearing down everyone else they have corresponded with ... have a look at their earlier posts, you may see a theme...
You do have a tendency to take everything as your fault, or your mistakes ... Why? Believe in yourself, - as you can read here, others do ... and who else counts than your family and friends -including on here?
Keep on with your research, don't chop that tree down into firewood, watch it bloom and blossom, as it grows ever stronger!

[IgorStrav]

PharmaT

Can I just talk to you about something?

As human beings we all try to make sense of the world.

When things happen to us, we think about whether they happened before, and what we did then, and sometimes do the same as we did then (or sometimes the opposite, in an effort to make things turn out differently)

But overall we are just trying to make a confusing world make sense.

In order to do that, we have conversations about things (with ourselves and with other people).

However, sometimes the conversations we have turn into self-fulfilling prophesies.

So if we think we're not very clever and a bit worthless generally (and many of us do), every time we do something slightly wrong or which turns out not how we wanted, we add this to the box we have which says "you're not very clever and a bit worthless" and this thing proves it.

In the end, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.  People say something, and we may not hear it properly because the "not very clever and a bit worthless" box is just waiting to be filled, and proved right.

You've just done this here - you heard, somehow, though NOBODY SAID IT "you should leave RC". 
Because you are listening to confirm that you're right in your "not very clever and a bit worthless", you heard it that way.

BUT NOBODY SAID IT.



What's the answer?  If you don't like the conversation you're having, have another one.  You make them up, of course, so there's not a problem in that.

So you have a look at your extremely full "not very clever and a bit worthless" box - I know it's full, because we can all see it here.  You've been working on it for years.  Doesn't make it true, though.

Why not change it to (just to start with) "sometimes not very clever" and then you will be like the rest of us.

Then you can move on to "that thing that happened proves that actually SOMETIMES I'M QUITE CLEVER"

And possibly, in the future to "I have the habit hearing everything confirm I'm not very clever AND I'M GOING TO STOP DOING THAT".  I'm going to allow myself to be clever and worth a lot sometimes,

People say lots of things.  They're just what falls from their lips.  They are no cleverer than you,

If you don't like the conversation you are having - have another one.

With all best wishes to you (and to the other lovely people on RC)

Igor

[Finley 1]

Brilliant words Igor

xxxin

[JenB]

You've just done this here - you heard, somehow, though NOBODY SAID IT "you should leave RC". 
Because you are listening to confirm that you're right in your "not very clever and a bit worthless", you heard it that way.

BUT NOBODY SAID IT.

I wasn't going to join this thread, but I have to congratulate Ivor Strav on these words of wisdom 

[Caw1]

Brilliantly and eloquently put Igor - Pharma I hope that you are now able to see that we are ALL behind you and want you to continue with your research.

Everyone has self doubt at times and it's people on here, who understand what we're going through with research, that restore our faith in ourselves.

Keep up your great work and know you have many friends here behind you.

Caroline

[Maiden Stone]

… then got the lecture on me not understanding and how did I get my degree etc.

I assume because you're intelligent, focussed, hard-working and well-organised. You apply the same attributes to family history.

[louisa maud]

Pharma, please come back and tell us you are feeling better now you have got it off your chest as it were

Best regards

Louisa Maud

[Maiden Stone]

You have helped others on these forums, and contributed to the successful research done by others - 

[Jebber]

Pharma, please come back and tell us you are feeling better now you have got it off your chest as it were

Best regards

Louisa Maud

Pharma, I have been following this thread but not joined in because so much good advice has already been given. However, I second what  Louisa  Maud has said and hope you have read all the replies,  take heart and come back.

Jebber