My husband was about a year ahead of me getting his DNA testing done. It had proven somewhat useful in advancing family research. About a year after he did his DNA testing, then I did mine. I presumed that people who had DNA testing and made it public were ok about making contact. However, when I made contact, I was very clear that I was only introducing myself as "your DNA cousin" and how I believe we were connected. I also was clear that if that person did not want to respond back, that I completely respect their privacy and I will not make any further contact. This has worked well for me. Some people were eagar to continue conversation and other people did not respond. I have also been contacted by several people. One of the real benefits from my perspective is that you don't know what gem that other person may have unless you ask. I NEVER saw a picture of my grandmother, and by contacting a DNA cousin (that I never knew), I am now in possession of not only my grandmother's picture, but a picture of her and all her children (my mother, aunts and uncles)!
What I didn't anticipate was another side of this. One day, a name popped up on my DNA, and she matched on both sides of my family. I went into my husbands office, and asked how that was possible. I already knew the answer, but for some reason I had to confirm it. He smiled and said, "you know how this happened". Now what?
That was several months ago. Since then, there has been a lot of back and forth communication. Initially, she said that she might be someone's wonderful surprise. After several emails from her, I figured which brother was probably her father. My heart sank since that brother died in an accident in 1977.
Then, there is the issue of privacy. While my DNA was and is public, that does not mean that my DNA proves the father, and really does not give me any right to give away information on another person! Since then, we have taken many steps but very slowly and carefully. Issues are many as you might understand. There is another family involved here; my sister-in-law and nieces and nephews. But, my heart really goes out to this woman, and I can understand the void; the missing piece of information in her life and that of her children. My brother's family was so broken from his death. I am very confident that they would NOT want to have anything to do with this woman and her family. It will only be a matter of time, and she will figure it out now that she has my DNA.
The dilemna I face is that she would be in for a very rude awakening if she ever figures it out and starts knocking on doors. So, it's hard to know if I should get ahead of it, or let the chips fall. I did check her out through all of the online social outlets and she has freely given me a lot of information. From what I can tell, she is a very accomplished woman, and she carries every email conversation with maturity and respect.
We do plan on meeting in October and I am sure to embrace her as family as I have with others I have met. But, this is a unique situation that requires careful consideration of all. I am just wondering if anyone else out there has gone through this, and how it all turned out.
