Father and sons named after wrong father and family

[dflaucho]

Via DNA we just learned that my father, born in 1930, was illegitimately conceived out of wedlock. It explains his grandfather's disinterest and disdain. My father and his seven children were named after the wrong person. I have found the correct family of his biological father. They are total strangers and as shocked as we are. We've been living with and passing the name on to our children. We have had the wrong name and the wrong associated ethnicity all our lives. I don't know what to with this. Changing my family name and our children's last name seems drastic but I am seriously considering it. Grandmother was married to an Arab but had my dad with a Jewish man. Arab father either didn't know or didn't acknowledge that my dad wasn't his son.

[PaulineJ]

You and thousands of others will has mis-attributed paternity in the family line.
I feel you are over-reacting..

[StanleysChesterton]

To even consider changing your last name and worrying about the kids' names is an over-reaction. 

Although you will feel a "pull" towards the real paternal line, unless there's an absolute NEED to distance yourself from what birth certificates say, then it'd be mad to do so... and, an absolute need would only come from something horrendous uncovered.

The name you have is part of the family quilt ... you've just inspected it a little closer and seen a tiny tear in the corner of one part of that quilt - and, as you look at it, you think "shall I fix that?" ... but then you remember that "granny made that part of the quilt".  She made the choice of names at the time; it's your family heritage and inheritance to continue to live with her choice and decision.  Note the "should've been" name - follow that line with keen interest ... but leave things as they are because "that's the natural order of things".

My gt-grandma carried the surname of her mother's long-passed husband ... she then married and had my granny.  From my granny my mother carried the surname of her mother, not her father as they didn't marry .... it goes on.  Who should I be then?

[Ruskie]

How sure are you that the man found via DNA is the "natural" father?

Who took the DNA test? You, or your father?

Which DNA test did you/he take?

Keep in mind that errors can be made - it is not foolproof. Have you tested any of your father's siblings to see if any of them are also illegitimate?

Regarding changing your surname, are you asking for our opinions? I think that would be too difficult - and it is only a surname. Changing that won't change who you are.

Whenever you require ID you you may need proof of change of surname, so your given surname may not be wiped from your family history. Do you know the circumstances of the illegitimacy? I know of a case where the potential father left when he found out the woman was pregnant. In a scenario like abandonment, the child may not wish to take the surname of a man of that kind of character?

PS. Welcome to rootschat.

[Mart 'n' Al]

Two and a half years ago in my late 50s I found that my late father had been brought up by his maternal grandparents after his mother seems to have abandoned him. I obtained my paternal grandfather's birth certificate and saw that HIS  mother had used her name from her first marriage. So I could almost have a choice of three names. It did take me quite a while to get used to the whole situation, but I am quite happy sticking with the name that I've used for 60 years, which is the same as the name that my father used throughout his life.

I've even read that it is not worth going back more than 6 to 8 generations as you will almost inevitably encounter what is euphemistically known as a non paternal event. That is, the recorded father is not correct.

Martin

[carol8353]

Hello and welcome to Rootschat.

There must be millions of babies born over the years whose paternal side is unknown.
Particularly during war times.

Luckily we did not have the means to find out for sure the truth back then.

Many men are bringing children up today who are not their biological father.

A father is a man who is there for the child,the one who is up all night when they are ill,is there for them throughout their lives as a friend and support. Not necessarily just the sperm donor at the very beginning.

Carol

[suzard]

we have discovered a couple of my cousins most probably /certainly had a different father to the rest of the family - we have done a family tree for both "fathers" - my Grandfather was very proud of and protective of the family name so we would not consider changing our name .
Also we adopted some of our children and so we have them in our tree and also managed to do a tree of their birth parentage - which they have no interest in at the moment (they are adult with their own children) but the trees are there for if ever they need them . They would not consider changing their names
You have to do what you feel is right for yourself and just bear in mind the wishes of your grandparents and also for any of us the only certain thing is the woman who gave birth to us

Suz

[panic]

The only way to truly go back in your family tree is through the maternal line. I think a lot of people have areas of ambiguous paternity. I have one generation where one census there is a lodger living with them and the next two the father is missing and the lodger is head of household. I had assumed the father had died and mother remarried, until I found the father living elsewhere on the later census (living with the family of his eldest daughter).

[pharmaT]

I discovered through research that my Great Great Grandfather had taken on the same surname as his older half siblings (his mum had been widowed).  Although I have been fascinated by his birth father's family, have researched them and added them to my tree I have never considered changing my name.  It is the family he grew up in and it was HIS name.