Ancestry matches don't reply to me....

[pharmaT]

That advice about using a realistic email address is very good. I still remember 15 years ago receiving a CV for a position I was recruiting for, and it was sent from big boy Steve at something or other. It went straight in the recycling bin full stop

There are many reasons why people wouldn't reply. I'm sure people get these tests as presents, probably unwanted, and only did the mouth swab to placate the present-giver. I can also imagine there are men in their 40s 50s and 60s who might have been a little bit indelicate in their activities in their youth and are worried about what they might find. There are also probably people with family secrets that are still too recent to be uncovered full stop

There are plenty of resources on the internet telling you about what to do and what not to do when contacting prospective matches. I would reply to most, but if they were semi literate I would probably delete them. It would be a good idea to get your potential emails looked over by a friend or family member. What might seem right to you might seem a little bit indelicate, pushy or possibly bullying, or insensitive to others. Once again do look for the resources on the internet. Just search for contacting potential matches.

Martin

This has got me worried, about the level of offence I have caused with my messages as I have never had them proof read.  That and my English teacher at school told me I was the worst writer she had ever seen and that makes me worry about how I come across in written communication.  It horrifies me to think that messages I have sent come across as really offensive and worse, bullying in nature.  Perhaps people in here could check what I write as I tend to follow a standard format:

Hi my name is.....a test you adminster on Ancestry.............shows a match of....cM suggesting a relationship at the level of....cousins

Then if they have a tree visible and there is a probable area for MRCA I'll put:

I see you have a tree with..... in it, my ..xgrt grandparents were....  They were from...and married in....  I am descended from their son/daughter..... who married..... I was wondering if this sounded familiar and if we could work together to confirm if this is where our trees are linked.


Or if there is no decent clue:


My main geographical areas of research are..... and my main surnames are......... I was wondering if any of these sound familiar.  I was hoping we could work togther to work out where the connection is.

If there are shared matches I may add:

We have a shared match.... I know they are connected to me via the...family of.... myxx grt grandparents were.....

Then sign off with thank you and my name.
  Just to clarify in the actual messages where I have put ….. I have actual info

[pharmaT]

I sent about 20 messages to 4th cousins this morning and have had about 5 replies already

I would say at I have had a response to about 50% of the messages I have sent - which isn't a bad response rate going by what some people get on here!

That's a wonderful response, I really must be going drastically wrong and causing great offence.  I am definitely never going to risk messaging anyone ever again.  I only wish there was a way to make it up to those I have offended already .

[barryd]

I am a genealogical genius ………  British Isles and all British Colonies excluding the American thirteen.

Plus America after Independence.

Sadly I lack computer skills. I am on Ancestry's Matches. Struggle to answer. Need a five year old tutor.

[Mart 'n' Al]

PharmaT, I very much doubt that you have offended anyone.  I think you should apply the same strategy in a letter to an unknown relative as you would in a letter accompanying a job application.  As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression. 

You do hear of people who write wacky job applications who get the job just because it was right for the moment, but I don't think you can be too polite or too well presented, but a lot depends on who the relative turns out to be.  If I got one full of spelling mistakes and smiley faces, I'd guess that they wouldn't be someone I'd have much in common with, but everyone is different, or at least 1% of their genes are!

It is challenging to write a letter to someone, not knowing whether they are a distant great aunt, or someone the age of grown up grandchildren, although the DNA data can give a clue.

Martin

[pharmaT]

PharmaT, I very much doubt that you have offended anyone.  I think you should apply the same strategy in a letter to an unknown relative as you would in a letter accompanying a job application.  As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression. 

You do hear of people who write wacky job applications who get the job just because it was right for the moment, but I don't think you can be too polite or too well presented, but a lot depends on who the relative turns out to be.  If I got one full of spelling mistakes and smiley faces, I'd guess that they wouldn't be someone I'd have much in common with, but everyone is different, or at least 1% of their genes are!

It is challenging to write a letter to someone, not knowing whether they are a distant great aunt, or someone the age of grown up grandchildren, although the DNA data can give a clue.

Martin

I'm sorry Martin but you'll need to be more specific. What is it about my responses that is impolite? What is it about my responses that is wacky? I've not used smilies in my response on Ancestry, although I have used them occasionally in here. You need to remember you're advising someone who was her English teacher's worst ever student.

[JenB]

PharmaT, I very much doubt that you have offended anyone.  I think you should apply the same strategy in a letter to an unknown relative as you would in a letter accompanying a job application.  As they say, you only get one chance to make a good first impression. 

You do hear of people who write wacky job applications who get the job just because it was right for the moment, but I don't think you can be too polite or too well presented, but a lot depends on who the relative turns out to be.  If I got one full of spelling mistakes and smiley faces, I'd guess that they wouldn't be someone I'd have much in common with, but everyone is different, or at least 1% of their genes are!

It is challenging to write a letter to someone, not knowing whether they are a distant great aunt, or someone the age of grown up grandchildren, although the DNA data can give a clue.

Martin

I'm sorry Martin but you'll need to be more specific. What is it about my responses that is impolite? What is it about my responses that is wacky? I've not used smilies in my response on Ancestry, although I have used them occasionally in here. You need to remember you're advising someone who was her English teacher's worst ever student.

Pharma, you make it sound as if Martin was referring specifically to you, which he clearly wasn't.

[Mart 'n' Al]

PharmaT, I was being hypothetical, I wasn't talking about your emails at all.  I should have said "one's replies" rather than "your replies". 

I was just expressing my thoughts that if someone wrote to me in a less than formal manner, then they would be unlikely to be taken seriously by me.  I was just advocating the importance of a communication catching the attention of the recipient, and in a good way.  I think it should make me think that I couldn't possibly not reply.

Rootschat people would certainly be happy to help, I am sure.

martin

[groom]

I really can’t understand why people get so upset about others not responding to their emails. We don’t know what is going on in their lives or why they took the DNA test or have a tree. It is their choice whether they respond or not, no one can force them. I do sometimes think that we forget that perhaps not everyone is as interested in genealogy as we are.

I certainly don’t think that anyone would take offence if they received an email, if they are interested they will respond, if not they will ignore it.

[pharmaT]

I assumed Martin meant me as he had quoted my post in which I had specifically asked or advice on how I was wording my messages and gave an example of how I worded messages I send. 

I'm not so much offended by people not replying but when they don't reply I really worry that I have caused offence.  I'm basing this on 2 replies I did get.  One said "I could not be possibly related to someone like you" and the other that  said "the fact you've sent any message shows you have no idea how Ancestry works, you're on your own, I'm having nothing to do with you"