How satisfied are you with your DNA test experience?

[pharmaT]

On the other hand, the value of my results have been diluted because I dare not try and contact any more matches despite the number of matches increasing.  On top of the reply rate to my messages being less than 5% about 30% of replies I did receive were very rude and freaked me out that I was inadvertently causing offence.

My messages to an unknown match generally took the form:

Hi according to Ancestry DNA tests we match ***cM and that suggests we are 3-4th cousins.  According to my paper trail so far my ancestors come from............ and my main surnames of research are......... but I have more surnames going further back.  I was wondering if we could work together to narrow down where the match is.

If There was a tree that helped me narrow down the match I would start the message a similar way but say: I see you have the surname....... in your tree.  I have this surname too....<details of where that name appears in tree>.

Wow, what did they respond that was rude? I'm curious as to how someone could ever take offense to such a polite email.

At worst I've had a couple of people say they don't agree that there is a match (which baffles me because DNA doesn't typically lie) or no response at all (most commonly).

One replied "You obviously don't understand how this works, you're supposed to work out the link for yourself.  Don't be so lazy".  Another "It must be wrong, I couldn't possibly be related to someone like you""

[hilarykellis]

On the other hand, the value of my results have been diluted because I dare not try and contact any more matches despite the number of matches increasing.  On top of the reply rate to my messages being less than 5% about 30% of replies I did receive were very rude and freaked me out that I was inadvertently causing offence.

My messages to an unknown match generally took the form:

Hi according to Ancestry DNA tests we match ***cM and that suggests we are 3-4th cousins.  According to my paper trail so far my ancestors come from............ and my main surnames of research are......... but I have more surnames going further back.  I was wondering if we could work together to narrow down where the match is.

If There was a tree that helped me narrow down the match I would start the message a similar way but say: I see you have the surname....... in your tree.  I have this surname too....<details of where that name appears in tree>.

Wow, what did they respond that was rude? I'm curious as to how someone could ever take offense to such a polite email.

At worst I've had a couple of people say they don't agree that there is a match (which baffles me because DNA doesn't typically lie) or no response at all (most commonly).

One replied "You obviously don't understand how this works, you're supposed to work out the link for yourself.  Don't be so lazy".  Another "It must be wrong, I couldn't possibly be related to someone like you""

Wow...I am so sorry. That's beyond rude and extremely uncalled for. Almost at the level where I would consider reporting them for abusive behavior. I hope you never receive another message like that again!

[pharmaT]

On the other hand, the value of my results have been diluted because I dare not try and contact any more matches despite the number of matches increasing.  On top of the reply rate to my messages being less than 5% about 30% of replies I did receive were very rude and freaked me out that I was inadvertently causing offence.

My messages to an unknown match generally took the form:

Hi according to Ancestry DNA tests we match ***cM and that suggests we are 3-4th cousins.  According to my paper trail so far my ancestors come from............ and my main surnames of research are......... but I have more surnames going further back.  I was wondering if we could work together to narrow down where the match is.

If There was a tree that helped me narrow down the match I would start the message a similar way but say: I see you have the surname....... in your tree.  I have this surname too....<details of where that name appears in tree>.

Wow, what did they respond that was rude? I'm curious as to how someone could ever take offense to such a polite email.

At worst I've had a couple of people say they don't agree that there is a match (which baffles me because DNA doesn't typically lie) or no response at all (most commonly).

One replied "You obviously don't understand how this works, you're supposed to work out the link for yourself.  Don't be so lazy".  Another "It must be wrong, I couldn't possibly be related to someone like you""

Wow...I am so sorry. That's beyond rude and extremely uncalled for. Almost at the level where I would consider reporting them for abusive behavior. I hope you never receive another message like that again!

I can guarantee that I will never receive such a message again.  I will never risk messaging anyone ever again.  No point reporting, I only have myself to blame for being the sort of person that people are ashamed to be even distantly related to.  Though I would love to ask how they could determine this based on the message I sent and a screen name.

[hilarykellis]

On the other hand, the value of my results have been diluted because I dare not try and contact any more matches despite the number of matches increasing.  On top of the reply rate to my messages being less than 5% about 30% of replies I did receive were very rude and freaked me out that I was inadvertently causing offence.

My messages to an unknown match generally took the form:

Hi according to Ancestry DNA tests we match ***cM and that suggests we are 3-4th cousins.  According to my paper trail so far my ancestors come from............ and my main surnames of research are......... but I have more surnames going further back.  I was wondering if we could work together to narrow down where the match is.

If There was a tree that helped me narrow down the match I would start the message a similar way but say: I see you have the surname....... in your tree.  I have this surname too....<details of where that name appears in tree>.

Wow, what did they respond that was rude? I'm curious as to how someone could ever take offense to such a polite email.

At worst I've had a couple of people say they don't agree that there is a match (which baffles me because DNA doesn't typically lie) or no response at all (most commonly).

One replied "You obviously don't understand how this works, you're supposed to work out the link for yourself.  Don't be so lazy".  Another "It must be wrong, I couldn't possibly be related to someone like you""

Wow...I am so sorry. That's beyond rude and extremely uncalled for. Almost at the level where I would consider reporting them for abusive behavior. I hope you never receive another message like that again!

I can guarantee that I will never receive such a message again.  I will never risk messaging anyone ever again.  No point reporting, I only have myself to blame for being the sort of person that people are ashamed to be even distantly related to.  Though I would love to ask how they could determine this based on the message I sent and a screen name.

You are certainly NOT to blame for the behavior of a few apparently mentally ill Ancestry.com members.

And as to how they could determine that they should be ashamed to be distantly related: well, they can't. There would literally be no way for them to know anything about you as a person from a username and a family tree. Which is why it's clear this is all their problem, not yours.

I hope you will regain the courage to message others again - I am angry on your behalf at a couple of idiots ruining your experience.

[Penholder]

Hi pharmaT

They're the ones who obviously don't understand how it works!   Also, anyone who replies rudely should be ashamed of themselves.   No-one needs relations of that sort.   Perhaps reporting them isn't such a bad idea.   They give the website a bad name.

Please don't let these nasty types put you off contacting other people.   Not everyone is like that and you could be missing out on some helpful information as well as some delightful cousins.

Diana

[jillruss]

Possibly looking for comfort where there is none, but it is just possible that the second comment was made by someone not meaning to be offensive but just bad at expressing themselves.

As for the first one, there is absolutely no excuse and I agree that you should report it to Ancestry. No idea what their policy is in such matters but they must surely have one. You probably caught this person when they were in a bad mood (still no excuse) and they may well regret what they said. If not, Ancestry should throw them off the site.

[panda40]

It’s interesting to hear what has happened to others. I have always responded to anyone asking for information once we have established a connection. I am going to wait to see if I have any contacts before dipping my toe further into the minefield of DNA contacts
Regards
Panda

[panda40]

Well three days since getting my results I have had someone contact me. I’m going to spend the evening sorting the connection out but I feel it was worth it as it has expanded my connections. I just wish all the people who have taken tests but not uploaded a tree had done so as this is very frustrating.
Regards
Panda

[TinaRoyal]

You have to appreciate that there are a number of people who take a DNA test for reasons other than Genealogical.  This is part of the response I got from someone who I contacted, who had taken a test and had matched with myself.

“My interest in taking the DNA test was more about ethnicity than ancestry.”

With DNA test providers promoting ”ethnicity” so much, that does not surprise me.