The stress is too much and i see no light at the end of the tunnel

[Colin Cruddace]

Why not throw the situation back to her, with you or another family member saying that HER father would be horrified at such a suggestion. But perhaps it was just an off the cuff suggestion and she has accepted your refusal. I can fully appreciate your concerns though.

Best wishes and condolences,
Colin

[jaybelnz]

Yes, very pleased for you that things are looking more secure for you and your Mum with the Vicar's announcements and others watching out. I'm sure this will give you and your family confidence that all will be well on the day, and you can celebrate your Dad's life with love and peace in just the way that your Mum and yourself have planned.  May he Rest in Peace! 🌹🌹

Jeanne

[Ruskie]

Following on from Colin's suggestion - maybe you could ask another family member who you know she respects and gets along with to speak to her about not going ahead with her plan? (this would keep you from getting more upset if you were to speak to her and she insisted on doing this despite you asking her not to ..... I wish you all the best for the outcome you hope for.

[Ray T]

Personally, I would Talk it over with the funeral director and let them deal with it. Any funeral director worth his/her salt will see their primary function as making the day go as smoothly as possible for the bereaved family. In my experience, they should be able to robustly explain the consequences to the party in question and there will likely be several of them available with little else to do at the time any disruption is likely to ocur.

[ScouseBoy]

There are now strict regulations about the disposal of ashes.

Ask the funeral director  what the latest regulations are regarding scattering of ashes.

[kitching]

I agree , ask the funeral director to take possession of the ashes, and only release them to you.
Take care ,

[groom]

I agree , ask the funeral director to take possession of the ashes, and only release them to you.
Take care ,

I don't think that is the case here, as it is a burial and it is the disposal of the ashes of a third party that were being discussed.

[kitching]

Why at a time when people's emotions are so raw, should all this be happening,  surely the next of kin should have the last word, I don't know any other advice to give.
Take care

[jaybelnz]

If you take a look back at reply 15 from T.T.B.E. -  the legalities and other aspects appear to be sorted and all will be under the supervision of the Vicar, including the making of announcements, both in the service and at the graveside.

Others will be watching out on the day of the funeral, which must be quite soon now, if it hasn't already taken place. Things seem to be well in hand now. At the moment we can only trust at that everything went smoothly, and according to plan. 

What an unecessary trial this has been for her and her mother!  In her last post, TTBE also stated that she may come back and let us know how the funeral went, so perhaps for her sake, it might be best if we leave off our advice for now - and hope that she is able to tell us that indeed all was well on the day!

Jeanne