Have you ever..felt a little uncomfortable..

[anne_p]

Uncomfortable?
It wasn't even MY family.
I was "helping" someone on another genealogy forum.

The OP started with " Just found out today that my grandfather was a hero who gave his life in WW1"
He was looking for info.
Being me, and without thinking, I located the military record for the soldier, confirmed the man's name and a few other details with the poster and explained that I needed to save each page to my own PC before I could pass them over.

It was only then that I realised just how many pages were involved.
Page after page after page
I  kept saving  them, one page after another without paying attention, until a heading on a letter caught my eye.
By the time I realised what this letter contained, it was too late, I had already told the person that I was sending them and I couldn't back out now

I read just 2 pages and  could see that this soldier was  no war hero!
I passed everything to the poster
In less than 24hrs after discovering that his grandfather was a war hero, he came face to face with the real version.

To say that I felt uncomfortable was an understatement ! I felt awful
 I deleted all files from my PC that same night.

I am bit more cautious now

EDIT:
The man was delared as missing, presumed dead but I had my doubts..because I knew what was waiting for him on his return and that's on top of his antics in France!

[Flattybasher9]

But the information was out there anyway, for all to find. Neither you nor he can change that.  He may not kow the true reasons why it happened, but now, at least he knows what did occur.

Regards

Malky

[eadaoin]

I've 3 or 4 things that aren't common knowledge .
- a marriage after 3 children, who are still alive. I presume they know, but they've never told their cousins . . so I left the date out in my computer version, but it's written in in pencil on my own print-out.
- a distant cousin in prison recently - haven't decided this one yet - why would I upset his siblings maybe?
- alcoholic great-aunt& uncle - will probably include this soon, since that generation are all gone.

I think it's ok to leave a detail out, but not to include false details.

[josey]

I've never told my sister or first cousins that our grandfather deserted in WW1!! He went back to serve eventually.

Strangely, we were always told that our great aunts [grandmother's sisters] were a 'bit off' with him, 'looked down on' him & we had thought it was because he was less educated, but I think it was actually about the desertion.

[lizdb]

(Re Ann-P's post - several have chipped in since)

So, what he had "discovered" was incorrect.  One wonders where he had found that info.
I am sure he was disappointed that it wasn't correct. But surely, if he was interested in his grandfathers life, then it is best he finds out about ......  his grandfathers life, and not the life of someone else.  And so much better that it was put right within 24 hours, so he had not had years and years of living with the incorrect version.

[anne_p]

Lizdb,
You are right but, the grandson was so excited and extremely proud to have learned that very day that his ancestor fought and died in the war.

I can't imagine how he must have felt when he got the papers.
I felt responsible.

[Ruskie]

Oops. I was doing a bit of research for a family and didn't hesitate to forward all the shocking facts I found to them. I did tell them that they may need to consider whether or not they wanted to tell their very elderly father as the events related to his ancestors. The events did happen a long time ago and I was quite excited to find so much about them via old newspapers. 

[Beeonthebay]

I have a private tree and nobody in my family is the least bit interested in genealogy though some like WDYTYA, but that's about as far as it goes. 

I'm in 2 minds about this.  Of course we gather facts with proper citations but does, for instance,  a family member who is adopted and may have no idea need to hear it from me?

If I was a professional being paid I would tell the client to expect the good, the bad and the ugly as who knows what will be uncovered with research but when it comes to family unless they specifically ask a question I prefer to let sleeping dogs lie as it's not my job to impart unasked for information.

In my case the chance of anyone asking anything is pretty slim anyway........

[ThrelfallYorky]

I feel that it all ought to be recorded somewhere accessible if it's accurate and backed up, but simply don't pass on "hurtful" information to sensitive people.
If you edit it out, then future readers may wonder perhaps if you were censoring, or were an inefficient researcher.
(I've also got one of those Lawyer / Sawyers - actually, not I think of it, I've two, on different lines - and my first reaction when hearing of one of them from another relative, as being a Lawyer, was - no way! It was a transcription error, that she was most reluctant to admit, but I did manage to convince her finally that father running a sawmill, and sons all involved in wood-related jobs rendered it at least rather unlikely.)
What one generation finds uncomfortable another may not. My parents' generation found the idea of children born to unmarried parents uncomfortable, nowadays no eyelid is blinked at all. Things change, times change.