Have you ever..felt a little uncomfortable..

[Josephine]

My father was 90 yrs old & time was not on his side so there is no way on this earth I would intentionally have given him the chance of his life being shortened by a heart attack through shock ....

My info. is in black & white in the newspapers along with a photo of the perpetrator & the whole story of physical abuse/violence & starvation of the mother.

Annie

Annie,

You knew your father and you know you made the right decision to spare him. What an awful story, so traumatic.

Best regards,
Josephine

[Josephine]

RE: Alcoholism.

Interesting the things we come across. I guess it would ,once again, depend on what makes it important. To explain many mentions of court appearances within newspapers- I have no problems including it. There are a series of behaviors' that can be explained - not excused- with alcoholism.

To add it to a family tree because it is common FAMILY knowledge without any other reason gives me pause. I would have to understand how its inclusion would be noteworthy

DavidG02, I guess that's how I've felt, without really thinking about it.

There's also a question of whether or not it is relevant to include this as a medical condition, which I hadn't considered before. Should this information (alcoholism) be included in medical notes?

Best regards,
Josephine

[Josephine]

If my tree is for me and my descendants rather than being public, I would include anecdotes. I think they can add to the bigger picture and tells something of their personalities. I would tell the stories to any other close relatives if they were interested - descendants of other branches would be unlikely to want to read this kind of more personal information so probably no point including it on a public tree.

I don't agree with looking at ancestors through rose colored glasses, which I think some people do. They are long dead, and I am interested in them warts and all, and I am sure that many of them I probably would not like.

I do think though, that often it is the stories of bad behavior/traits tend to get passed down rather than the stories of how nice and kind they may have been. Possibly the negative stories were more shocking or had more impact on family members and therefore were remembered.

I have numerous small anecdotes relating to my family ... none of them are good things ....

Ruskie, I tend to feel the same way, but sometimes I wonder if it isn't better to let them have the forgiveness of the grave. I hope that I am remembered by the nice things I've done (or tried to do) and that my bad points aren't memorialized in a relative's tree. (Oh, no, something new to keep me up at night! LOL.)

Best regards,
Josephine

[Ruskie]

You have a good point there Josephine. And of course a few bad stories about an ancestor does not mean they were necessarily bad people all the time ... (But maybe some of them were) ....

[DavidG02]

There's also a question of whether or not it is relevant to include this as a medical condition, which I hadn't considered before. Should this information (alcoholism) be included in medical notes?

Best regards,
Josephine

I think its an individual choice. At what point do we stop entering information? Do we mention the mumps at 3 or the chicken pox at 4? For me it gets back to relevance.

A family member  has never married , not because of his sexuality , but because he prefers a bottle over a bottle blonde. Is it relevant? We see many instances of family trees where siblings are mentioned as single , with no further qualifications. I am not certain how I will resolve this - currently listed as single.

I myself have issues with alcohol. Am I an alcoholic? Not certain I would qualify medically but others may say I am if I cant have a drink without wanting another. Is it worth mentioning on a family tree? It may well be the last thing I type in as I slip off the perch.

[Josephine]

Each circumstance is different, but I think sometimes knowing things about our ancestors can help explain certain traits or personalities as they may shape how our parents, and grandparents were brought up, which in turn can shape us.

Ruskie, I agree. But I have a level of curiosity that other relatives do not share.

Here's a different example. I know it would hurt my (deceased) grandfather deeply if he knew that, as a result of me accessing his military record, I know that he got syphilis from an encounter with a stranger while he was married to my grandmother. I don't mind knowing this but I am sure that, if my brother were doing the research, he might neglect to mention that particular fact and he would definitely not record it anywhere for future generations to learn (to protect our Grampy's pride and so as not to dishonour his memory).

Maybe a lot of it goes back to the adage, "Don't speak ill of the dead."

I'm not suggesting that original records be censored but I think it's a given that researchers will be the ones to decide if they want to include that kind of sensitive information in the files they share with family.

I don't tend to censor when it comes to closer family but, with more distant cousins, I do sometimes withhold the uglier truths unless it's part of telling a bigger story and then I have to disclose and hope for the best.

Best regards,
Josephine

[DavidG02]

Guy a question.

This is not whether there is or isn't.  Would you list someones same-sex attraction  , even if they have asked you to keep it secret as it would hurt a living family member?

I understand its an hypothetical but I want to see where , if any, your boundaries are?

I applaud your approach but I wouldn't follow it.

[Josephine]

You have a good point there Josephine. And of course a few bad stories about an ancestor does not mean they were necessarily bad people all the time ... (But maybe some of them were) ....

LOL, Ruskie, sometimes the bad ones had the most fun and therefore told the best stories.

 

[Rosinish]

My father was 90 yrs old & time was not on his side so there is no way on this earth I would intentionally have given him the chance of his life being shortened by a heart attack through shock ....

Annie,

You knew your father and you know you made the right decision to spare him. What an awful story, so traumatic.

Best regards,
Josephine

Thanks Josephine,

The story affected me when I read it so I can only speculate how my father would have taken it.
There are family still alive (cousins of the perpetrator) & their parents (siblings of the woman who died) who are more closely related than my father was. They may have been in close contact too, living in the same country (I'm not sure on that)?

I have sent reports etc. in the past on my family tree to the cousins, one is actually a Policeman!!! but no way would I include that unless specifically asked if I knew about it. I wouldn't lie about finding it but I very much doubt the family would wish to be "associated" with it, being so closely connected & the trauma of it all, I guess they would prefer it to be "left alone" as it was their aunt.

Annie