Have you ever..felt a little uncomfortable..

[roopat]

Apologies if I've posted this before on a different thread.

I have researched OH's family quite thoroughly, with the help of his 90 year old uncle.

One old photo showed OH's grandfather in an admin-type role in WW1, signed by grandfather himself - & dated  Nov 1915. (Once again thanks to the experts on the Armed Forces board and Cambridgeshire Reg historians who helped me with that).

Now this man was shot in the head on the Somme in April 1915 & sent to England for treatment.

So obviously his treatment and recovery were successful and by the end of the same year he was already back in uniform, albeit in a training battalion.

I explained all the (to me) fascinating background to the 90 year-old. (The man's son). His reply was "no that can't be right, he had to spend the rest of the war learning how to walk and talk again. That's what we were told. Your information must be wrong".

I realised he had been brought up to consider his father something of a hero and his recovery miraculous. I just stopped discussing it with him. I have all the facts, OH knows it all, why would I want to unnecessarily cause distress to a man of that age?

Conversely he is absolutely convinced his parents had to get married as his sister was on the way......in vain I have shown him the evidence of his parents' marriage, well before his sister's birth, he won't believe it.   

Pat

[Lisajb]

My mother discovered that her sister was several months old by the time their mother and father got married. My gran had been widowed some years before, my grandfather was a divorcee. My mum decided to challenge Gran about this.

Gran's response? The registrar must have made a mistake! (He was only out by about 9 months, if Gran was correct in her claim!

[panda40]

I have a very distant twig in my tree that was recorded in the local newspaper having molested a five year old girl when he was eighteen years of age. The fact was very shocking when I first read about it and the following court case listed in detail that followed. Was was more shocking was the sentence he was given. It was very lenient compared to what he would receive these days. He was more or less let off due to his age. I found this more upsetting but then had to remember that things were different in those days and I can't judge what happens by today's standards. This is something we need to remember when passing on such information to others.
Regards panda

[Jebber]

I have a very distant twig in my tree that was recorded in the local newspaper having molested a five year old girl when he was eighteen years of age. The fact was very shocking when I first read about it and the following court case listed in detail that followed. Was was more shocking was the sentence he was given. It was very lenient compared to what he would receive these days. He was more or less let off due to his age. I found this more upsetting but then had to remember that things were different in those days and I can't judge what happens by today's standards. This is something we need to remember when passing on such information to others.
Regards panda

I have a similar case in my tree, only the other way round. My nine year old relative was sexually assaulted by a neighbour, he got two months hard labour. Less thnt another family member got for stealing a bag containing a pair of slippers, a pair  of shoes and Cuffs links

Jebber

[pinefamily]

There seems to be a little confusion here. I don't think anyone is advocating not recording all of the facts, all of the data we find in our research. What some have said is that sometimes it is best to be a little delicate with others when they ask a question, especially when it is of immediate ancestors in living memory. There have been some great suggestions on how to do this on here.
If a family member does ask a question, perhaps a caveat is better than sugar-coating the truth or omitting salient facts. By warning them up front, they can't really get upset or indignant. Can they? 

[pharmaT]

I completely agree pine

[rachelralph]

i couldnt pass this post by! my mums maternal side is a nightmare. again and again their names come up in awful stories, over and over ive read things and thought to myself, this is just crazy. ive had some caught up in the caravan club, others involved in the mafia, others that changed their names and some that were involved in robberies, kidnaps, and one even got caught with a suitcase full of jewellery. im praying they returned all the stolen jewls because i have inherited a 14kt gold, jewel incrusted watch from the very family! all these are from a bunch of siblings, all of them abandoned their children and all of them were known in one way or another to the police. my uncle told me they were spivs. didnt know what that meant until my friend google told me. classic!
when im talking to someone who may have known these people i tread carefully and gentley and hold back a lot of info in case i offend or say something to the wrong person. i once posted here in good faith about a deseased gentleman who was involved in the mafia and i had my cousin message me and insist i take it down in case i got caught!

[pharmaT]

i couldnt pass this post by! my mums maternal side is a nightmare. again and again their names come up in awful stories, over and over ive read things and thought to myself, this is just crazy. ive had some caught up in the caravan club, others involved in the mafia, others that changed their names and some that were involved in robberies, kidnaps, and one even got caught with a suitcase full of jewellery. im praying they returned all the stolen jewls because i have inherited a 14kt gold, jewel incrusted watch from the very family! all these are from a bunch of siblings, all of them abandoned their children and all of them were known in one way or another to the police. my uncle told me they were spivs. didnt know what that meant until my friend google told me. classic!
when im talking to someone who may have known these people i tread carefully and gentley and hold back a lot of info in case i offend or say something to the wrong person. i once posted here in good faith about a deseased gentleman who was involved in the mafia and i had my cousin message me and insist i take it down in case i got caught!

In case you got caught? what did she mean by that?

[pinefamily]

But did you record all of your finds in your research?