Everything said since my last post is correct regarding Patrick McIntyre etc.
Regarding the Boar War entry, I found that too along with a J Kavanagh and wondered if the 'bothers' had joined up together with only John returning. I contacted not only the Leinster regiment which I am now told is the Green Howards, without any luck as I contacted them too, but I contacted the Boer War Museum in Johannesburg. There is a grave there apparently but the person wanted several hundreds of pounds from me to go look and take one photo - I had to decline.
I was told I could get this information from Kew as it is listed there and it would tell me where he was living at the time of enlistment - not sure if this is true as wasn't able to follow that one up.
I do have the proper marriage certificate, copy from GRO. Married on 7.04.1894 at Lanchester. TK is 27, a bachelor and a coal miner and she is 21 a spinster and domestic servant. The address is Flint Hill Dipton, no street listed. TK's dad is John a labourer and her dad, Owen, is a coal miner. TK signs his name she puts an X. The witnesses are Edward Crenston and Eliz Kennedy. Priest is A. Magill.
I will contact the Durham Reg office tomorrow and see if I can get a church copy.
I have contacted the Durham Mining museums and there is no listing for TK anywhere in my area and only one for Cumbria but there is for Patrick's son/s.
TK did exist but what happened to him?
I am now frightened to start a thread to look for my maternal grandmother's father who has a very similar story attached to him in that I only have his marriage certificate too.
Am I just unlucky?
I hate to give up hope after all these years and hard work along with all the help I have received here, surely there is a way around this- is there?
My very many thanks indeed for all the help from everyone, it truly is appreciated.
E.