Not Sure How I Feel About This...

[iolaus]

During my research I discovered my father has a half sibling we knew nothing about.  He knew about two, thinks his mother had also had a stillborn son (obviously stillbirth records are closed so this we don't know) and then yet another sister turns up in the records.

I'm not sure how I would feel if I met her (I would love to though), however what I regret most is not hearing the why's from my gran - especially why she kept one illegitimate daughter and had the second adopted.
My dad has wondered if this 'half sister' is actually his full sister and was she having an affair with his dad (they married after he was widowed when she was pregnant)

[Lisajj]

Just thought I'd let you all know that I spoke to my "new" uncle on the phone last night.
I just feel like I want to help him fill in the gaps now.
He's got a lot of documents, which he's going to send me copies of and I've got photos that I will send him copies of.
He's in his 70's, and wishes he'd contacted us sooner, he just didn't want to cause any upset.
He sounded lovely and honestly, we were chatting like old friends after a few minutes.

Thanks for all your comments.
Lisa

[Rishile]

That's great Lisa.  I know when I first spoke to my brother on the phone it blew me away.  It took all my doubts away.  I hope all goes well and you can enjoy your new uncle.

Rishile

[Jomot]

That's lovely to hear Lisa, so pleased it went well.

[iluleah]

Just thought I'd let you all know that I spoke to my "new" uncle on the phone last night.
I just feel like I want to help him fill in the gaps now.
He's got a lot of documents, which he's going to send me copies of and I've got photos that I will send him copies of.
He's in his 70's, and wishes he'd contacted us sooner, he just didn't want to cause any upset.
He sounded lovely and honestly, we were chatting like old friends after a few minutes.

Thanks for all your comments.
Lisa

Wonderful news........ We all like to think we have our lives in order so something like this can come as a shock to the system and we fear the unknown and unless you are put in a position like this I really don't think anyone can say how they would feel, might feel or should feel.

[Plummiegirl]

about 8 years ago I finally found my mothers aunts and uncles.  She had been born about 5 months after parents married and I think they parted not long after.

Now they all knew about their brother/uncles child.  So no problem there.  But that was it.  They just did not really want to know me.

I was an still am quite upset by this.  I am an only child (of 2 only children) so I do not have lots of family.  Was so excited when I found these people only to feel quite rejected.

The worst is that although most live in Hampshire and I live in London, I was told at the time by the one member who was very kind.  That the granddaughter of one of my uncles actually lived in the same area of London as me, in fact just roads away.  I never pursued the name of the road.

While I am utterly disappointed, I feel this lack of contact is actually their loss not mine.  They are obviously not very kind people.  But I know that many of my friends and the little family I do have know and have benefitted from my own kindness and help in many ways.

[sylvia (canada)]

Just thought I'd let you all know that I spoke to my "new" uncle on the phone last night.
I just feel like I want to help him fill in the gaps now.
He's got a lot of documents, which he's going to send me copies of and I've got photos that I will send him copies of.
He's in his 70's, and wishes he'd contacted us sooner, he just didn't want to cause any upset.
He sounded lovely and honestly, we were chatting like old friends after a few minutes.

Thanks for all your comments.
Lisa

I've just read this thread ......... and what a great ending / beginning you now have


I'm in the very peculiar position of knowing that my only brother had a child at a very young age, with no idea of how to find that child.

He was a lot older than me, but around 1945/46 he had a romance with an "older" woman that resulted in a child.

He would have been about 16, and she was 19 or 20 ........ our parents put the kibosh on any further relationship.

I understand the major problem apart from his age was that she was already married ......... apparently of French origin with a husband in the British Army and still in Europe at the time. She was probably lonely, seemingly on her own in a mill town, and brother was tall and handsome .... and obviously precocious!

I do have a very vague memory from when I was a very small child of waking up, going downstairs, and seeing a woman with a baby in the front room with parents and brother ........... and then being hustled straight back to bed!

Brother opened up about the relationship and the child when I was over in the UK after my father's death in 1971. We sat in his car outside his house for a couple of hours talking about it, he was obviously greatly affected but he had no idea of what had happened to mother or child.

The subject was never mentioned by my parents, I have no idea whether brother told his wife when he later married, or whether any of his 3 daughters know. I got the impression from the way he spoke that it had been kept a secret even from his wife.

My husband and my daughter know ........ but we have lived in another country since the late 1960s.


I sometimes wonder about that child .......... not even knowing the sex

[BevStimpson]

Just thought I'd let you all know that I spoke to my "new" uncle on the phone last night.
I just feel like I want to help him fill in the gaps now.
He's got a lot of documents, which he's going to send me copies of and I've got photos that I will send him copies of.
He's in his 70's, and wishes he'd contacted us sooner, he just didn't want to cause any upset.
He sounded lovely and honestly, we were chatting like old friends after a few minutes.

Thanks for all your comments.
Lisa

Just come across this thread, and having read all the posts, can only say wow... what a lovely thing to happen.

like Sylvia (Canada) I am in a position of not knowing how to find someone, and wishing every day that I could.

My son got engaged to a girl, not a very nice person but I supposed I am biased towards my son. She already had a baby to another man, and we took the little  6 month girl into our hearts as one of our own. When my son and his fiance had a baby boy, it made their little family complete. However, the fiance had started showing her true colours.  She would physically attack my son, she had started sleeping around, and one night when he was trying to get his baby son to sleep, she pulled a knife and threatened to hurt both children if he didn't leave.

She cut my sons face with the knife, not badly enough to warrant stitches, but enough. My son ran round the corner to my sister. Whilst my sister was looking at the wound, the police arrived, the fiance had apparently turned the story on end, but on seeing my sons face, they immediately went back to her. She had by now done a disappearing act with the children.

Despite all attempts to find her and the children, we hit brick walls until one day the social services phoned my son to tell him that they had both children who had been given to them by their mother, since she didn't want them anymore - did I say she wasn't a nice person? The social services obviously wouldn't let my son adopt the older child - not biologically related, but not would they let him have his own son, because 19 years ago, unmarried fathers did not have parental rights and responsibility. They wouldn't even let him see the child.
From what we can gather, both children were adopted. The little boy would now be almost 20 years old, and he will have grown up without knowing that his daddy and his nana, aunts and uncles have spent all that time trying to find him to get him back... now we are told we must wait til he wants to find us!

Sorry for rambling...

I'm overjoyed that your uncle finally found you, and you can get to know him... I love happy endings/beginnings as Sylvia called it

[relatedtoturnips]

about 8 years ago I finally found my mothers aunts and uncles.  She had been born about 5 months after parents married and I think they parted not long after.

Now they all knew about their brother/uncles child.  So no problem there.  But that was it.  They just did not really want to know me.

I was an still am quite upset by this.  I am an only child (of 2 only children) so I do not have lots of family.  Was so excited when I found these people only to feel quite rejected.

The worst is that although most live in Hampshire and I live in London, I was told at the time by the one member who was very kind.  That the granddaughter of one of my uncles actually lived in the same area of London as me, in fact just roads away.  I never pursued the name of the road.

While I am utterly disappointed, I feel this lack of contact is actually their loss not mine.  They are obviously not very kind people.  But I know that many of my friends and the little family I do have know and have benefitted from my own kindness and help in many ways.

Im sorry to hear that. But you have tried your best, thats what matters.

Its hard to understand your aunts & uncles motivations for not engaging you fully, but you can only do so much.

Cheers.