sometimes finding things is not so good

[larkspur]

I spent my childhood trying to be good, trying to 'please' trying never to get into trouble or cause any trouble as I was 'told' I had killed a baby brother/sister but couldn't remember doing it, I would have been 3 yrs old or so. When I was young and growing up it answered lots of question in my mind why my parents had no time for me,why there was never any hugs but they allowed me to live in the house. Years later it was only when my own daughter was expecting her first child and she has a rare blood group ( same as my mum)  and she came from a hospital appointment to tell me that when she has the baby they have to give her an injection (Rh-immune globulin vaccine)or her body could 'reject' another pregnancy, it was only then the penny dropped and I realised that is what would have happened with my mum and me being very young and being told " It was my fault the expected baby died" I took it as I have killed the baby. So I even held a secret ( until right now) I thought I was a murderer and only because of miscommunication.

That is So sad, what an awful thing to have hovering over your childhood, like a huge black cloud. I hope you sent for your siblings death certificate, and waved it under your mothers nose.

[groom]

What an interesting and very honest thread this is, thank you for sharing your stories.

I think it does show that, especially now, things are easy to uncover and people are easier to find. I don't suppose that 50 or so years ago people ever dreamt that their lives would be so easy to unravel and incidents they thought they had hidden would come to light.

What we now do with this knowledge is another thing. I feel that it is in the past, it is history and whatever we do or feel can't change it. We shouldn't let it spoil our lives or our future. We need to accept that our ancestors probably did what they did for a reason, perhaps guilt, perhaps to protect those they loved or maybe to protect themselves. Their actions don't reflect on us, we had no part in it and people don't judge us by what our forebearers did.

[larkspur]

Well said Groom.

[GillyJ]

I agree with groom - what nice comments.  Sometimes we have to just "shelve" the discoveries and move on with our lives in the present.  Holding on to anger or hurt can only cause more pain to ourselves and we can change nothing that has happened in the past. We can tell the truth to future generations so that they know, but we can never feel the emotions of another in the past which caused them to act in the way they did.
We find out the facts and they can shock or surprise and it is very sad to find out that people you trusted had lied to you or simply held things back.
I have found some things out that I never knew but my parents' generation did not talk openly about their feelings in front of children and being brought up with strong religious connections imposed a lot of guilt and shame when "rules" were broken.     
I hope that anyone who has been hurt when finding the secrets can find ways to accept them.

[Finley 1]

Yes -  wonderful thoughts...

and kind words

Move on lady move on -  is what I am telling myself..  And whatever happened 60yrs ago  - is a lifetime away from todays lifestyle... after all they only had pencils (mainly) and they were easy to erase   not like the web  - where what is writ - is writ   and that is it

I just typed the name in Google of the people involved in my discovery - and it is ALL out there...
Nowhere to run - nowhere to hide nowadays.  So as they say 'truth will out'   --Maybe--

Xin xx (more settled now t.g.)