sometimes finding things is not so good

[Finley 1]

I know we all like to discover the 'truth' or as near to it as poss.  regarding our ANCESTORS - but sometimes - when it comes close to home... it can be a little more difficult to cope with.

It seems I --- me myself  -- have had the full truth ---- or lets say been lied to --- by a very close family member.

NO I am me... and my parents are mine... (or as far as can be seen in black and white )

Its the dates on the papers for Mothers divorce that have shaken me!!!! ho hum


good job I know now   before I writ me epitaph or wotever... ooooo she was a madam.... !!!!


xin

[iluleah]

I know what you mean Xin

No one would give me information in the family when I began my research so I had to start off with clues from what my great aunt told me when I was a child, which my Nana and Mum always laughed off when I told them.
My mum told me nothing (I sense something to hide) still won't
My Nana would tell me some things once she realised I was going to research and saw the information I had in the folder, giving me lots of great information BUT I kept hitting brick walls and no internet then and living in another county it became frustrating with no one to ask for help, it was only when I started researching again and Nana had by then died, I realised my honest, trustworthy Nana had lied and deliberately too, that was such a shock to me, because I always trusted every word she said.

[Finley 1]

Yes that's it - exactly - It seems I am the last to know - because it was felt a child didn't need to know..............

Now I am almost the last - left I am so glad I do know.  Then the correct people can be put on the pedestal and the others .....knocked off..... i am not angry  no i am not angry... no......

still smiling    cos u got to havent you


xin


ps iluleah are u sure we are not ... connected  he he he he

[iluleah]

I have to say Xin it makes me smile every time when my mother casually asks if I am still researching and I say "Oh yes" and make sure my 'folder' is left about knowing she will take a look, but what she doesn't know is nothing different to what I was told is in that folder, so she sneaks a look and I have caught her doing that and she still thinks I don't know the 'secrets'. I do and found them and more and they are all documented, she would have a fit if she knew I knew

What annoys me is that my cousin has now started to research and my mum tells him to ask me, my cousin holds ALL the photographs and family documents and pretends he doesn't, he will let me see nothing at all and shares nothing, so he will get nothing from me, makes me cross that my mum thinks it is OK for him to research but not me, maybe I have lulled her into a false sense of security and she thinks no one can find out.

[ThrelfallYorky]

- Perhaps you ought to leave the real folder for her? Or create something far more dreadful for her - or the unforthcoming cousin - to "find" to shock them in to deciding that the truth would be a better alternative??

[iluleah]

- Perhaps you ought to leave the real folder for her? Or create something far more dreadful for her - or the unforthcoming cousin - to "find" to shock them in to deciding that the truth would be a better alternative??

I have thought of doing that, however my mother is the type of person who 'knows' everything and when some years ago I gave her a copy of a photograph which I had professionally framed of her grandparents and their children (her father and his siblings) that I had been given when sharing information with one of the descendants of one of my grandfathers brothers who had migrated the other side of the World  she was sooooooooooo ungrateful. Until that time I had never seen a photo of my great grandparents  and asked her then if she had and she just said no photos were taken ( clearly they were and I am sure my cousin has many).
Funny thing was her face gave nothing away and one of the many deliberate lies I was told was the name of my great grandfather, so as I passed it to her and as she was opening it, I said his name and his wifes name and added YOUR grandparents

Anything I have told her in the past which I know she doesn't know about, she just pretends she already knew and so I get  no sadistic pleasure  out of it at all but I do knowing she has no idea but won't ask me. As I have caught her sneaking a look on more than one occasion which she wouldn't do if she really knew .........it keeps her on her toes

[ThrelfallYorky]

She sounds as if she needs to think a lot of things out.
 Perhaps you could shock her or the cousin by asking them to write down the truth, seal it up, and hand it to some "authority" to be opened in 20 / 50 years, (just so posterity gets it right??) even if they don't "trust" you with it?

[777777]

One of the first discoveries I made as a teenager innocently doing a family tree was that my great-grandfather was illegitimate. None of his children (my grandmother and her sisters) had any idea that he had been born out of wedlock, they had always been told their grandfather had died very young and their grandmother had remarried. I managed to find out who the father of my great-grandfather was after much rooting around, and had the somewhat unpleasant task of telling my own grandmother who her grandfather was. It turned out to be someone she had known, but of course she had no idea he was her grandfather. She was shocked, but glad to know the truth.

[weste]

One of my moms cousins did n't know he was adopted until he got married at 21. He needed his birth cert for some reason, at a guess for a passport. His wife found out about he was adopted and told him but everyone roundabout knew who the father was.  It definetly could have been the one he knew as his father because an accident left him sterile!

One of my cousins is adopted but we don't know if they know, fortunately I'm not in touch but I know another knows and said to me that a certain uncle had an affair.

I suppose people have their own agenda for deliberately lying and I suppose find they can't back down once it's been going for so long. I think I'd have a bit of fun with folders as well. What about putting some lists to do of things you want to sort out. Sign them off as completed (whether done or not) but don't put the info in there.