Nicky and Davina make it look so easy

[roopat]

Rishile, life is too short to be embarrassed or hesitant about this. How many times have Rootschatters said 'I wish I had met ..... but it's too late now.' The worst that can happen is a negative reaction - sad, but at least you will know you tried, and maybe in time he might reconsider.  The SAE idea is brilliant + phone number and /or email info, so you know you've covered all possibilities.

Good luck.

[Hackstaple]

I found the name and address of a half-sister from my father's second marriage. She had never been told he had been married before and I sent her a copy of the marriage certificate. We met, her and her twin brother, just once at a pub for lunch.

There was not a lot in common - the divorce occurred when I was 5 and then the war came. I only saw my father once after that when I was 6. So for me he was just my biological father, for them he was their Dad.

We never spoke again - there were a few cards that's all. The brother was quite opposed to any further contact.

So, do not expect a wonderful welcome - all will depend on what sort of person your half-sibling is - needy, withdrawn, outgoing, self-sufficient..

[LizzieW]

A daughter I had adopted when I was only 19 found me and we are still in touch, however, although my sons from my marriage were happy that we had met again, and one of them and his wife have met her and are also still in touch with her, my daughter from my marriage is adamant she wants nothing to do with her and refuses even to discuss her.  As my adopted daughter doesn't even live in the UK, it makes things more difficult.  I think if she did live in UK and we were able to meet up frequently, then my daughter may well have met her and changed her mind about not wanting to know someone who is, in effect, her half sister.

Good luck with your quest to establish contact.

[Rishile]

Thank you for all your replies.  I have been on holiday for a week so have not been able to reply t this thread.  However, I have been able to take time out to think this through and discuss it with my OH.

I wrote a letter before my holiday but haven't posted it yet (as suggested).  I had also thought about the SAE and email address.  Hopefully that will cover all angles.

One thing that worries me though - well two things.  My father passed away 15 years ago and I don't know if my half-brother knows that.  I'm not sure how to word that in my original letter.  i.e.  My father was....  my father had... etc.  Also, I'm worried in case my half-brother saw my father more than I am aware.  I would be very hurt if my father continued seeing this man's mother when he had returned to my mother. 

There are so many un-answered questions and - thanks to you RC'ers - some have been answered.

So, here goes nothing and I'll send the letter after the weekend.  I'll let you know what happens.

Rishile

[Nifty1]

Practically speaking, it is difficult to give sound advice because all human situations are different.

I have three half brothers, one through the man my mother remarried, one from a woman my father remarried, and one I never knew about from a woman to whom my father was previously married.

The first is handicapped, it seems unlikely that I will ever see him again. Most probably, against what would have been his late mother's wishes he has been removed from the home in which his mother placed him before her death and it is difficult to find his where-abouts
Good luck in your endeavours.

I have met the brother (from my fathers last marriage) three years ago at a meeting with his mother and grandmother. It seemed  a remarkably surreal  occasion.
In spite of exchange of telephone numbers e-mail address none of the family have attempted to maintain contact.
Unfortunately, the grandmother is very ill and this may be preoccupying the daughter and her son.

How met my elder half brother is told here. http://www.therecord.com/news-story/2616521-strangers-yet-brothers/

He visited me a short wile ago, and, if such a thing exists,  we seem to have settled into a normal amicable family relationship

In spite of the variability of human situations, I think if you are curious, you should seek to make contact now. I missed the chance of contacting a great aunt on my grandfather's side, the only person who could have told me much about my late  grandfather's brothers, when I heard through her great niece (who had contacted me for the first time) that she had died the week previously.

[myfamilyang]

Yes, it happened to me 12 years ago ! On my other sisters 65th Birthday, she told me that I had another half sister ! So, I set out to find her. In 1 week, I found 3 Aunties, 2 Uncles, 3 cousins I knew nothing about, then within 8 weeks, found my sister !!! I used another member of the "new " family as a middleman.  I gradually traced the new family until I was talking to her. She knew of me, but because her Mum had told her lies of my Dad, well then , she never was interested in finding me out. I got lucky. An old new Aunt got someone in the area to find her and it turned out that she went to Bingo with her every week ! So, she approached her and asked whether she knew of me, and if she did, was she open to me phoning her. The rest is history ! We corresponded gradually  4 months until a holiday was due to me, so I took the opportunity to go and see her. My husband wanted to go with me, but I felt that if she rejected me, well then I could just go into a corner on my own and cry, and didn't want him saying, " I told you so! "  When we saw one another, we bonded straight away, 50 years of me not knowing that I had a sister ! She lives up North whereas I live Midlands so not always able to see her, but I am in contact with her family. It was in the newspaper both up there and here ! Such an amazing experience ! I got to see a family I never knew I had got , to meet new Aunts, Uncle, nieces, nephews . They are a lovely family and welcomed me into it like I'd never been out of it ! We all had a family re-union in Newcastle;  new cousin came from Canada, Aunt from Edinburgh, sister from Carlisle, and me ! Swapping photos, contacts, never stopped crying ALL DAY !  Cousin in Canada had done a family tree from 1570 and her Dad knew of me, so she sent it me together with all of the family stories!!! Magical! When I was put in contact with her, she was telling me things about my Grandma I never knew,  weird that a stranger was telling me that !

So, I say, good luck. If you don't do it, it might one day be too late ! My sister is now 72, she might have been dead, and I would have kicked myself if I hadn't of done it !

Let me know how you get on, I will be thinking about you.
Best Wishes.
Angela x

[Plummiegirl]

You say that they make it look easy.  But all we see is the final product.  They have a whole team of researchers looking for these people.  And all we see are the success stories, I am sure they do not get results every time...

[LizzieW]

Angela - Thank you for telling us your heartwarming story.

[myfamilyang]

It was a pleasure ! Every person is different though, that was just my story, but if there's one thing in my life that I have NEVER REGRETTED, it's that....to contact my sister. Anyone else reading this, hope that whoever you are, wherever you are, then you can hopefully find that LAST BIT OF THE JIGSAW as they say !