Author Topic: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy  (Read 12035 times)

Offline miriamkinga

  • RootsChat Aristocrat
  • ******
  • Posts: 2,411
  • Henry Kingston Goater 1853-1920
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #9 on: Monday 22 July 13 11:33 BST (UK) »
Lots of great advice from everyone as usual Rishile  :) whatever you decide to do I wish you the very best of luck  ;D
GOATER, LAN, ALL
BOURKE, MAYO/ LAN
LONERGAN, TIP
McGREAL, MAYO
FLAHERTY, GALWAY/ ALL
HOUGH, LAN/ ALL

Offline Rishile

  • RootsChat Veteran
  • *****
  • Posts: 596
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #10 on: Monday 22 July 13 12:48 BST (UK) »
Thank you again for all your advice.  For once I'm clearer now than I was before I posted. 

I am slowly forming a letter to send him (I can't face phoning him) so I'll let you all know how I get on.

Thanks again
Rishile
Stoneham - Kent / Essex / Herts / Bucks / Devon
Pike - Kent
Pay - Kent
Swan/Swaine - Herts / London
Bissenden - Kent
Chappell - Herts
Hammond - Essex

Offline groom

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 21,147
  • Me aged 3. Tidied up thanks to Wiggy.
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #11 on: Monday 22 July 13 17:39 BST (UK) »
When you've finished the letter, leave it a couple of days and then re-read it before posting.

Hope all goes well, let us know. 
Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline phillie

  • RootsChat Extra
  • **
  • Posts: 9
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #12 on: Wednesday 31 July 13 14:08 BST (UK) »
I don't know if you made contact yet or not but I do have personal experience of this and found I had a half sister I knew nothing about. I wasn't aware of another sibling but through some unexplained papers and an off the cuff remark from my gran, who wouldn't then say any more, I decided it was worth investigating. All I had to go on was an address of a farm and the name of my mother's first husband. I wrote a short letter explaining that I was researching into my family history and was writing to everyone of that surname in that area (only 12 people). Eventually, last of all my half sister replied and the contact was made.
I agree with everything that has been said by other posters, the SAE is a great idea and not being specific about him being your brother is also good, it may make him more curious rather than shocked, if he doesn't know.
Also, everyone has given good comments on the outcomes which could happen. The only warning I would give is from my own point of view. Our first meeting went very well, we met half way between our homes at a pub for lunch (with our husbands). After more meetings it became clear that we had nothing in common and she craved more attention from and of my family, than we were prepared to give. We don't see each other any more and only exchange cards, the good thing to come out of it was that she got to meet our mother before she died.
I hope for your sake that it works, I was so excited about having a sister, but be prepared that it may not, although I would say keep that thought well in the background, because it's more likely to work out than not. Good Luck  :)
Aitken - Glasgow, Scotland
McGinnes - Belfast, N. Ireland - Glasgow
Robertson - Aberdeenshire, Scotland
Cruddas - South Shields, England
Curruthers - Scotland ?
Collinson - Gatehead, England
Connor - Liverpool, England
Nicholson - Northumberland, England
Taylor - Yorkshire, England


Offline Ruskie

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 26,276
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #13 on: Wednesday 31 July 13 14:24 BST (UK) »
I have not had any experience of this eitherbut do have a comment ....  the SAE is a good idea, however one thing that may be of concern is if the person was initially shocked at the news and decided to return the letter empty. Then after a time for the news to sink in, they changed their mind and decided that they would like to make contact. They would have no way to contact you, and you would never know that they changed their mind and wished to make contact.

For this reason I am wondering if an email might be a better idea (if you have their email address of course)?

A lot of people these days may not feel comfortable writing a letter (depending on their age) and email is a lot less formal and it is acceptable to just write a short reply if that is all you wish to write.
Just a couple of thoughts on the subject ...  :)

Offline groom

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 21,147
  • Me aged 3. Tidied up thanks to Wiggy.
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #14 on: Wednesday 31 July 13 16:30 BST (UK) »
Quote
. Then after a time for the news to sink in, they changed their mind and decided that they would like to make contact. They would have no way to contact you, and you would never know that they changed their mind and wished to make contact     
Quote


Surely unless they threw the letter away as well, they would have the address on that?
Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk

Offline Ayashi

  • RootsChat Aristocrat
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,932
  • Lost in the DNA rabbit hole
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #15 on: Wednesday 31 July 13 16:38 BST (UK) »
Have you thought about approaching intermediaries, such as the Salvation Army? They do a lot of tracking of living relatives and they may have good advice on how to word a letter and so on.

Offline Ruskie

  • RootsChat Marquessate
  • *******
  • Posts: 26,276
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #16 on: Friday 02 August 13 02:46 BST (UK) »
Quote
. Then after a time for the news to sink in, they changed their mind and decided that they would like to make contact. They would have no way to contact you, and you would never know that they changed their mind and wished to make contact     
Quote


Surely unless they threw the letter away as well, they would have the address on that?

Possibly, but you can't rely on people keeping old letters ... especially if it is a sensitive subject.

Offline patrexjax

  • RootsChat Aristocrat
  • ******
  • Posts: 1,653
  • Census information Crown Copyright, from www.nationalarchives.gov.uk
    • View Profile
Re: Nicky and Davina make it look so easy
« Reply #17 on: Friday 02 August 13 03:39 BST (UK) »
Hello Rishile, I searched for many years to find a half-brother who didn't know I existed.  He was young when his parents divorced and his Mother would never tell him anything at all about his Father.   He grew up all his life thinking he was an only child with no half-sibs or step sibs.  I sent him a letter with a SAE telling him who I was and our connection; in the letter I also included my phone number and my e-mail.  As soon as he got my letter he immediately contacted me by e-mail and set up a time to call me long distance.   ;D  He was in tears when I told him of all the family he had and never knew existed.  Since then, he has met MANY of his "new" family and is positively thrilled and continues to include them in his family gatherings.  I would encourage you to send that letter with SAE, your phone number and your e-mail so as to give him any options he desires.  Good luck!  Pat
ARCHIBALD/ARCHBALD: Tweedmouth, NBL; CHARLTON: Ponteland, NBL;
ERRINGTON: West Denton, NBL; 
FAIRLESS: Longbenton, NBL;
HARDING: Hollinside, Co. Durham;
KING: Newcastle-on-Tyne & Berwickshire;
LOCKEY: Ryton, Whickham, Co. Durham & YKS; NICHOLSON: Ponteland, Newburn, NBL; PAXTON: Norham, NBL;
PAULIN: Berwickshire; REAY, Ponteland, NBL;
SCOTT: Norham, NBL; SELBY: Tweedmouth, NBL;
SLIGH: Berwickshire; SPOOR: Whickham & Ryton;
WIDDRINGTON: NBL