Etiquette for adding people to a family tree online

[Mavals]

This problem had never been an issue for me until about 2 weeks ago I found my (deceased) mother in law's name on a public tree on Ancestry. Looking at the tree, whilst I could find a very distant connection via her maternal side, but this person was adding MIL's paternal information - some of it wrong needless to say.

I contacted the tree owner and asked about the interest  in MIL etc and pointed out some of the incorrect and missing information and tried to be helpful, and we exchanged a coupe of private emails, but its now all gone quiet.

I have come to the conclusion that the tree owner is "name collecting" , but I was a bit startled to find MIL on the tree and felt a bit "territorial" about it. "She's MY MIL, nothing to do with you!" Particularly as spouse is only child.

[ronoc]

I suppose why I posted the question originally was because my "tree" is relatively small, not many branches on my dad's side, and I was tempted to add these living people, but I just felt uneasy about adding people who were still living and I didn't know them.  they would not even be aware of my existence.

I have seen others trees with some of my family members on them. They are usually trees with about 10,000 people.   I did point out - very nicely - to one tree owner where they had gone wrong, even went and bought the correct marr cert for them so they could amend their tree and take ancestors off  -  they still haven't. 

So I agree with you Mavals there are definitely "name collectors" out there.  I just ignore these big tree's now...

My tree maybe small but at least I know what is there is correct and I have the doc's to back it up.

[baggygenes]

whilst chatting during a game on facebook one day I was discussing family history with a game friend and how scarily easy it is to find info on people and he challenged me to find out what I could about him. He gave me a week but I actually got back to him the next afternoon with:
his full name, date of birth, address and phone number, previous address and company he works for
what school he went to - what school his wife went to
his wifes maiden name / previous married name and date of birth
year they married and year of her previous marriage and grooms name
the names and years of birth of his children
his mother and fathers names years of their births, their marriage and current address, their parents and parents marriages
his siblings names and years of birth and years of marriage, their spouses names and their children
then a rough tree of his mum and dads direct families back to 1841 census
the name of his dog,where he went on holiday that year and the previous year and a few other personal tit bits
i also sent him photos of his kids, wife, dog, mother, brothers, nieces and nephews, a photo of him at a works do, a photo of his house

He was stunned and slightly creeped out but couldn't see how I did it
Thankfully he had a fairly uncommon name for the area he lived so made my life easier
but just from his facebook profile I had his name, town and birthday (and email address)
that he was married to another facebook user so I had her first name. from his profile i could also confirm a fewof the people i found like siblings and children and from her profile which was set to public I had the holiday and pet info - she also had downloaded pictures of things she was selling on ebay so I had her username for that too 

the normal BT phone directory gave me his and his parents address and phone number
192.com gave me his previous address

linkedin gave me the company he works for

friends reunited gave me their school info (one of his children listed what school he attends on his fb profile too)

a google of his company gave me the photo he was in at works party and a google of address got screenshot of his house
the other photos i got from facebook profiles

for some of the personal titbits
using Yasni I found a few web results for his wife giving reviews about things they'd bought so I also could tell him
what tv they have, where they bought their wardrobe and what face cream his wife uses.
Knowing his wife was selling something on ebay I was able to find the item and look at the sellers info which listed
everything she had bought and sold .. so I even knew her bra size by the end of it !!!!

SCARY...CREEPY...YES YES YES!!!!!  We do need to be careful out there and I would recommend anyone to have a go and see whats out there on them

But despite knowing this I don't mind being added to trees of people I don't actually know.  I think we really should ask people before we add them but am guilty of doing it.

[Mavals]

It is creepy what we can find, I agree Baggygenes

Before I retired I was a manager of a Citizens Advice Bureau and money adviser. I am all too well aware of the risks of identity theft etc - but also know that you should get a copy of your credit history every 2 years even if you do not have any suspicions of identity theft, just for peace of mind. I once had my credit card cloned and only found out when trying to but my shopping at the supermarket ( very embarrassing having the card declined etc!) I was extremely lucky because the criminal trying to use it went for a large purchase first and it was stopped immediately. It has made me cautious ever since and I try to use only one specific card for internet purchases too.

I recently made all my Ancestry trees private, but as you say, it is very easy to find information on line. These days I don't use my mothers maiden name as a security question either.

 

[ronoc]

Baggygenes - scary indeed... what are you trying to do to me 

I do have an account on facebook - only set it up to keep an eye on my kids.  I have no info about myself on it and no pics.  It's just not my cup of tea.   My children on the otherhand  - well -  I am trying to teach them what not to put on their account rather then what to put on it   

[baggygenes]

If you think too much about it I think we'd all get a bit paranoid but sometimes I wonder where common sense went.  I wouldn't stand in the street announcing I've just bought an expensive new tv or I'm going to be away for the next few weeks and my house will be unoccupied so why do it online for potentially the whole world to see?  and I'm guilty of doing it!
The trouble is it is so easy to give info without even realising it or the possible consequences. Just by posting a pic of your child/grandchild in their school uniform and giving their name could put them in danger but most of us don't give it a second thought .. but then I worry if we consider everything too much what a suspicious nasty world we will live in

[ronoc]

I suppose most of us don't think to much about it because we don't have evil intent in mind.

as for going on hols  - that is one I insist the kids don't announce on Facebook

[myluck!]

Great conversation here!
I agree with baggygenes and what you can find out about people if your try, and not very difficult at that!
I have been accused of having a strange way of thinking and a comment I loved is "you don't think in straight lines"; I have met many a challenge!

Two points:
1 - I put every relative I can prove a connection to, living and dead, in my tree; the tree is private and the living are not shown until marked deceased. It has given me links to relatives worldwide that I would not have otherwise found. No-one to date has asked me to remove anyone

2- My bank only thinks they know my mother's maiden name! I know what they think it is and that is what I use! but it is not her name!

[supermoussi]

2- My bank only thinks they know my mother's maiden name! I know what they think it is and that is what I use! but it is not her name!

Crafty! The only problem is what would happen if you really did have something go seriously wrong with your account and they asked for a proof of ID showing your mother's maiden name?