strange expletives passed down

[clayton bradley]

My mother in law from Stockport (Lancs/Ches border so I'm not sure who to blame!)
He's gone for coal (of someone taking a long time)
It'll give you a skin on your back like velvet (something you don't want to eat)
I'll put your name down for orange (imaginary prize for good conduct)
It's better than a donkey eating strawberries
bobby dazzler, duck egg, round the johnny 'orner,(corner) up the dancers (stairs)
wick things (insects), starved (meaning cold not hungry)
the answer to what's that tree, it's a blossom tree and to what's that bird, it's an ousel bird.
pauming about (wandering about)
he's all there with his lemon drops, you couldn't do better in a tripe shop
sorry, I'd better stop, cb
just one more, shives of bread, which must come straight from Anglo-Saxon

[Mike in Cumbria]

My grandfather only allowed himself one swear word, and that was "ruddy".  He didn't half use it a lot though - Ruddy government, ruddy royal family, ruddy tories etc etc.

I think I might adopt it myself, for the sake of continuity.

[Skoosh]

My Gramps ditto Mike, except for Ruddy!

Skoosh.

[Jane Masri]

A common reply in my childhood home when we asked, 'what's for dinner', was, 'bread & iffit'.
When we asked a parent where they were going, 'there & back to see how far it is' came the sarcastic reply 

Jane

[halhawk]

Our mealtime promise was 'bread and pullit'
Also often used were 'I'll go to the foot of our stairs' (surprise) and 'there and back again to see how far it is' in response to 'where've you been?'

When I saw the mention of 'Stap me'  I thought 18th century, but I've found a reference to it being used in Restoration Comedy, so even earlier.

[Guyana]

"Stap me" was used by Gritpypthin in the Goon Show.

Earlier than that, in a cartoon strip in the Daily Mirror, c1940, Capt. A.R.P.Reilly-Ffoule used the same phrase.(Sorry, halhawk, I missed yours above)
In our house;
"Yo'm a right Connie Wesson!"
"More aches and pains than old Charlie Hunt."
"Up a tree aback o' the church."
"Up a sough (pronounced suff) at Bos'orth."
"Yo'm like a mon med o' smoke."
"Well, I'll go to Elford!"

The dialect is North Warks.

[Skoosh]

Google,  Collie Weston Guyana, given as effeminate!

[Wiggy]

"Be careful or I'll put your nose above your chin and your face all over skin"

Gran's threat to us!   

And for dinner "Duck under the table" or  "bread and scrape"!

Wiggy   

[Guyana]

Google,  Collie Weston Guyana, given as effeminate!

Thanks, Skoosh. I knew of Collyweston roofing 'slates' and the effect of the weight on a roof, but hadn't heard of that connection.