For me, part of it is the bad feeling of having been taken for a fool.
If I'm out in public and I hold a door open for someone, if that person brushes past without saying thank you, it bothers me, first because I think it's rude and second because it feels as if that person either thinks I'm so inconsequential as to be invisible or so below them as to be their servant. The whole encounter, such as it is, may only last five seconds, and I'm not actually injured in any way, but it leaves me (however briefly) with a sour feeling and a question of whether I should bother to be so courteous in the future.
Magnify that to feature a hobby that is more of a passion, into which I have poured years of serious dedication and thousands of dollars, all being appropriated, sometimes without permission, usually without so much as a thank you. I feel used somehow, taken advantage of, when a simple thank you or the sharing of information, however minor, would have shown some kind of tangible appreciation for the gift I have given them free of charge, out of the goodness of my heart.
Another example. A niece and nephew are now 22 and 21 years old. I tucked $50 of my own hard-earned cash into Christmas cards for each of them. If I don't receive a thank you from them, they won't receive another penny or gift from me again. (I could have bought at least four genealogy certificates with that money!
)
I did have a few trees online a few years ago. I took them down because it bothered me too much when people copied and pasted without thanking me, without being related to most of the people on my tree, without sharing any of their information with me, and even copying my info and then putting it into a private tree that I wasn't allowed to view. I had my trees online because I hoped to make contact with distant relatives. I learned that not everyone has the same motives, or manners, as me. I was naive.
I understand that some family history buffs may consider me thin skinned because they don't share, or understand, my feelings. Those are my feelings and, even though I might not fully understand them myself, once I realized the way I responded emotionally to the online behaviour of many people, all I could do was take my ball home and refuse to play on their playground anymore.
Now, before I share information, I seriously consider how I would feel if... and if it would bother me too much, I don't share the information. Since I'm the only serious researcher into my and my husband's families, and the only accurate information online about my family originated with me (see above), I'm not missing out on not being contacted by relatives. One hundred percent of the time, if and when people have contacted me or vice versa, I have always done more research and had more information than them.
I have appreciated being able to view other people's work online, and have at times used it as a guide, but always seek to prove the data myself through my own research. Maybe one day my feelings will be less sensitive and I will post my trees again and not care about the things that bother me now. Anything's possible.
