Hi Polly
You're not alone!
One of mine married George & had children, appears as a widow in the 1891 census, 1901 appears with
Robert (same surname

), in 1911 claims to have been married 30+ years.
Even my expert RC friends couldn't find a death for George or anything at all about Robert or this 2nd marriage, the children on their marriage certificates put father as "George, deceased".
For what it's worth I think my rellie & the so-called 2nd husband didn't actually get married at all and lied about years married.
I'm not saying that's the case with yours, but I think there was sometimes a much more casual attitude to certain things than we imagine in "strict" Victorian times! (At least among my family

)
Pat