Confused

[Bigclick]

Hi,
My sister pointed out a public profile from facebook. The picture is a dead ringer for my brother and his name was my family name and it matched my cousin who i have never met. There was also an email address in the public profile so I sent off the following email...

Hello XXXX,
You’re features resemble my own YYYY family and you may be my cousin.

I am currently doing some Family History research and would like confirmation that you are the same XXXX YYYY who’s mother was AAAA BBBB?

I have detailed information on the YYYY pedigree so let me know if you would like any further information.

Kind regards,
Ray YYYY

his response was ....

"GO AWAY!"

I felt a little hurt, but mostly confused as to why I got such an emphatic shun from such a polite approach. Its not like I did any digging, his name and email address is in the public profile.

Anyone have any idea why such a vitriolic response?

[DORAN54]

some people are horrible  i dont think you would want him in your family any way

[aghadowey]

There are lots of reasons why relatives don't wish to be contacted and often we never find out what the problem was (long-standing family fued between two branches, person has decided they want no contact with the rest of their family, etc.). It's even possible the person was not your relative (just because he looks like your brother and shares a family name doesn't mean there's a blood relationship) and doesn't wish to hear from strangers.

Years ago in high school there were 2 people with the same surname. Someone asked if they were related- she said 'yes' and he said 'no' but she explained that their grandfather's were brothers. Next day he came into class and said (in front of everyone) 'I asked my mother if we are related and she said no because your father's illegitimate (not the word he used).'

[Redroger]

I felt a little hurt, but mostly confused as to why I got such an emphatic shun from such a polite approach. Its not like I did any digging, his name and email address is in the public profile.

Anyone have any idea why such a vitriolic response?

Just remember him for the future. Remember "Revenge is a dish best served cold!"

[Bigclick]

Thanks, some good comments,  his dad ran out from the family home about two weeks after he was born so maybe thats something to do with it. I do think its him, age, looks location and if it isnt him I would be very surprised.

Anyway,  revenge is!, a dish best served cold,  and as the saying goes "I know where you live".....  I do, I looked him up in 192 :-)

[Redroger]

Next move "The horse's head" then the offer-----

[weste]

Why put himself in the pulic domain if he did n't want people to contact him, whether he's a rel or not! May be he might contact you in the future to do with family history! Then you'll have to decide wwhether to bother or not.

[Colin Cruddace]

Try putting yourself in his shoes. His Dad deserted his wife and child (only 2 weeks old!! ). How did they survive? What trauma did they go through? Would they be bitter against him?

Then you get a message from one of his family wanting to make contact.

Please don't knock him. If you are talking about a youngish person then I would suggest you just leave things as they are, but an older generation might be less hardened, so try taking a more sympathetic approach by saying how much you also resent and despise his Dad's actions, and that you would really like to make contact to try and heal old wounds.

Colin

[andycand]

Hi Bigclick

From what you say, this cousin has your family surname so his dad is your uncle who deserted his wife and 2 week old child and your wondering why you got a vitriolic response? Quite frankly if it had been me the response would have been unprintable.

Andy