no worries bombergirl.
i work in cemeteries (not in middlesbrough) , and i know that our office staff are very obliging .
how we do it - is like i said , the office staff check it out on database , and depending what ppl want - they either send out all the details , plus a plan of the cemetery with directions to find the grave (in case the ppl wanna come while the cemetery staff are not present) , or they arrange for the cemetery staff to meet with them and locate the grave.
if (as in your case) there isn't much chance of a visit , we normally photograph the gravestone (if there is one) and send it on to said ppl.