Shall I Write?

[genjen]

Rachey,

This thread has given me the courage to do something I have been dithering about for absolutely ages. I found that one of my father's cousins is still alive and in her early eighties. From there, I tracked down her sons and for the last few months I have been wondering how an email to one of them would be received. Having followed your progress and hearing of your huge success ( congratulations by the way, you must be thrilled), I decided to throw caution to the wind and to have a go.

This afternoon, I wrote a carefully constructed email, saying who I am and making it clear that I was after nothing other than family information and maybe photographs.

Less than two hours later, I had a reply. Perfectly friendly, though bewildered as to how I had found him - plainly he doesn't know how a genealogist's brain works - and he has suggested that I contact his mother, which is exactly what I wanted. I know where she lives, though not exactly and if this all goes to plan, I might just have to bring forward my next trip to the North of Scotland!

Thank you for keeping us all up to date. I hope others will follow your example. It certainly seems to have worked for me.

Jen

[Hanford]

Rachey,

This thread has given me the courage to do something I have been dithering about for absolutely ages. I found that one of my father's cousins is still alive and in her early eighties. From there, I tracked down her sons and for the last few months I have been wondering how an email to one of them would be received. Having followed your progress and hearing of your huge success ( congratulations by the way, you must be thrilled), I decided to throw caution to the wind and to have a go.

This afternoon, I wrote a carefully constructed email, saying who I am and making it clear that I was after nothing other than family information and maybe photographs.

Less than two hours later, I had a reply. Perfectly friendly, though bewildered as to how I had found him - plainly he doesn't know how a genealogist's brain works - and he has suggested that I contact his mother, which is exactly what I wanted. I know where she lives, though not exactly and if this all goes to plan, I might just have to bring forward my next trip to the North of Scotland!

Thank you for keeping us all up to date. I hope others will follow your example. It certainly seems to have worked for me.

Jen

That is fantastic!!

Well done for being brave 
It's scary not knowing what people's reaction will be, but again it seems a very positive one 

I bet your father's cousin will  be over the moon that someone has done alot of research just to find her 

Hopefully she'll have loads of memories and photographs that she'll share with you 

[elinga]

I was going to phone , but after reading everyones response to your thread I decided,to write, so there are 8 letters been sent to South Africa , hope at least one person replies!
 

[genjen]

I bet your father's cousin will  be over the moon that someone has done alot of research just to find her 

Hopefully she'll have loads of memories and photographs that she'll share with you 

Way back in the 1970s, her father ( my great uncle) wrote a long letter to my father, giving masses of family history information. He was one of seven children so there was a lot to tell! He also gave us lots on his own mother and her siblings - all ten of them!

I now have that letter in my family history files so if I do speak, or write, to this cousin of my dad's I can tell her how helpful her father was. It'll give a talking point anyway. I'm quite excited now!

[chirp]

Good luck Jen, hope you will let us know how you get on. Have you seen Xinia's thread (I think it's called "Am I Awful")? - These successful approaches to distant relatives suggest that if in doubt it's probably better to take the plunge!! I wrote on Xinias's thread about my failed attempt to make contact with someone (she wasn't the relative but a friend of the relative) but it wouldn't prevent me from doing it again in another circumstance. I have also had success in such a situation and was very glad that I had sent that first letter.
Chirp
 

[genjen]

I shall certainly let you know what the outcome is, whether it is good or bad. I did see Xinia's thread, yes. I'm always interested in how others approach what can be a tricky situation, especially when the person being contacted is elderly and therefore possibly quite vulnerable.

Over the past ten years or so, I have been pretty lucky in that I have found several distant family members and almost all have been friendly and willing to help as far as they have been able. But I still feel quite anxious with each new one. Silly really because the worst that can happen is an unfriendly reply and given that I shall almost certainly never actually meet any of these people in the flesh, what does it matter if they throw my questions back in my face. 

[chirp]

I know what you mean. The problem is you can feel rather guilty if you feel that you have caused someone any discomfort by your approach. This is most likely of course in the event that there has been some kind of family feud. Overall though I think it's better to send a carefully worded letter than not do it and always wonder what would have happened if you had!
Chirp

[Hanford]

I was going to phone , but after reading everyones response to your thread I decided,to write, so there are 8 letters been sent to South Africa , hope at least one person replies!
 

Good luck with your letters! I hope you get plenty of replies 

[Aulus]

When I restarted my tree about 10 years ago, I started to spend more time on my mother's side than I had previously. I was taken aback to discover that my maternal grandfather had only died a couple of years previously - about 6 years after his daughter, my mother, had died.

I'd always thought he'd died during the war.  But no, they'd divorced and he remarried. My mother never spoke about him.  I then discovered from the electoral rolls that his wife was still living in Suffolk.

So I was then in your position.

Unfortunately I didn't even get a response, so I hope you have better luck than I had.