A bit shocked, Confused...and a bit hurt

[suey]

I just about chucked everything in the bin when I read a sentence from Workhouse records describing my great grandmother as a 'a woman of vile and vicious habits' . 

We knew that her two children had spent their childhood in homes and that her son was one of the many children sent to Canada, he was 11 at the time and never saw his sister or mother again.

I was so upset and imagined all kinds of horrors so I put my family history aside for some time and concentrated on my husbands family. 

After a while I thought I'd have another look at g grandma, what was her crime? 
She had been abandoned by her husband and left with the two children.
For a few years  she had managed alone but had become pregnant with a third child, late into the pregnancy was obviously unable to work, her only recourse was to the Workhouse where they decided with their Victorian values that she was as they had described her...

Now I am only saddened that we don't know what happened to her or to the third baby.

Suey

[fifer1947]

I just about chucked everything in the bin when I read a sentence from Workhouse records describing my great grandmother as a 'a woman of vile and vicious habits' . 

We knew that her two children had spent their childhood in homes and that her son was one of the many children sent to Canada, he was 11 at the time and never saw his sister or mother again.

I was so upset and imagined all kinds of horrors so I put my family history aside for some time and concentrated on my husbands family. 

After a while I thought I'd have another look at g grandma, what was her crime? 
She had been abandoned by her husband and left with the two children.
For a few years  she had managed alone but had become pregnant with a third child, late into the pregnancy was obviously unable to work, her only recourse was to the Workhouse where they decided with their Victorian values that she was as they had described her...

Now I am only saddened that we don't know what happened to her or to the third baby.

Suey

Agree - only one person's opinion of her in a different era with a different set of values.

[Ruskie]

I think many of us are very quick to make excuses for or paint our ancestors as squeaky clean as though it's a reflection of us if they're anything but upstanding pillars of the community, and insisting that they are people we would like if we met them today.

Of course many of them had indescribably difficult and sad lives, and sometimes this led to desperate measures, but some of them might just have been plain bad. Of course we need to look at the times they were living in and in many cases make allowances for their circumstances and take into consideration the morals etc of the time.

If you look at society today there are many who commit dreadful crimes and, many who are just not very nice human beings. I wonder what excuses their ancestors might make for them in 100 years time if they learn about their crimes?

I just don't see why we feel the need to see our ancestors through rose coloured glasses. I think many of us probably have some pretty nasty characters in our trees ... 

[jc26red]

Don't forget what has recently been uncovered "allegedly" in California to a certain ex governor... the maid put down her husband as father of the child but shortly afterwards the divorce papers said they had no minors.... all this gleamed from official papers but no mention of DNA tests.

Could have happened in reverse in your situation.  Your ggrandmother could have been pregnant and widowed before taking up with the second man. Gallantly he went with her to register the baby and allowed the baby his name rather than have a blank there. I'm assuming (I know, bad thing to do) that at that point they were living as man and wife anyway and had every intention of staying together.
The dates are still worring me a little though!!! I know plenty of 10/11 month gaps but any smaller are well... ouch!  Most midwives recommend a six week wait anyway to allow the body to recover from the birth and reduce the risk of infection.


As the others have said, try not to pre-judge people and keep an open mind. Be prepared for errors along the way, we all make them when we get blinkers on!  I agree that because this is a relatively recent occurance which is why its hitting home.  Put this particular incident on the back burner and go further back, when you have got a wider picture of the family and come back, I'm sure you will look at it in a different light.

[Ermintrude46]

I was horrified to find that my 3xgreatgrandmother, Jane Cheeseman, had been convicted of the manslaughter of her 15-year old niece, by her mistreatment and neglect of the child who was suffering from TB.  Basically, Jane had been running a sweatshop producing stays and using her motherless nieces as labour (her own daughter, my 2xgreatgrandmother had preferred to leave home and was an acknowledged prostitute for at least three months in her early 20s, as well as a convicted thief at this time).  The surviving 12-year old sister of the dead girl reported at the inquest "We had to earn 10d a day each, which used to take us about twelve or thirteen hours, and if the work was not done, we had to sit up, if all night, till finished.  My sister has not been able to finish her work sometimes, and my aunt has beat her, but afterwards been sorry for it.  I have not been beat these five months past, because I finished my work in time.  We do not work on Sundays.  We had a holiday on Trinity Monday.  My sister used to work from six o’clock in the morning till twelve o’clock at night, and always sat in a room by herself.  My aunt sometimes flogged her with a rod, sometimes a cane, and one time hit her on the back with her shoe, which she took off her foot."  This far removed, there is no way to discover why Jane behaved this way, what drove her or what her own background was like and tho' I'm disgusted by her actions she remains part of my family history.  Who knows what influence her parenting had on her own children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren?
Ermy

[Annie65115]

I started this geneological lark in the single hope of identifying my gt-grandfather, who my grandmother had tried to write out of the family history.

Having found what I've found, I understand why this was so. I'm glad I waited until my granny was dead because I don't think she'd forgive me for dusting off this particular family skeleton.

But you know what? I don't feel it personally at all. I'm not going to call him names; there must have been some good points to him (his CO on his army discharge papers seemed to think so!)

What's gone is gone, we poke around in the past but maybe shouldn't spend too much time looking back?

[Dave the Walrus]

Hi Annie,

I don't think we should be put off by what we find, after all, I expect that very few of us would be judgemental about what we find.

It is possibly the "thrill of the chase" that we like and mankinds basic curiosity and desire to discover something new, that makes us do this.

Best wishes,


Dave the Walrus

[jaybelnz]

I found this little poem a number of years ago, and always loved it:-


 If You Could See Your Ancestors
By Nellie Winslow Simmons Randall

If you could see your ancestors
All standing in a row,
Would you be proud of them or not?
Or don't you really know?
Some strange discoveries are made
In climbing family trees.
And some of them, you know,
Do not particularly please.

If you could see your ancestors
All standing in a row,
There might be some of them perhaps
You shouldn't care to know.
But here's another question
Which requires a different view -
If you could meet your ancestors
Would they be proud of you?

Jeanne 

[Charlesworth]

If you could meet your ancestors
Would they be proud of you?

That is the thought that had frequently crossed my mind as I've been doing my research.  Some of them had such hard lives and went through so much, it is just amazing that they survived! Wonderful poem.  Thank you!