A bit shocked, Confused...and a bit hurt

[danuslave]

Hi MurphysLaw

You haven't been doing your family history for very long, but if revelations like this upset you, I suggest you stop now.

There is no way of knowing what you will uncover, but there will almost certainly be more tragic stories and you need to be able to stand back a bit or you will make your own life miserable.

Perhaps a change of hobby is recommended here?   

Linda

[Marmalady]

If your grandfather was born in April 27 and his father went to prison in Aug 27 -- it is very likely that the child born in dec 27 was his too

what evidence have you got that the child wasn't his?

or have i got something wrong?

[carol8353]

Do you actually have the birth certs of both babies? Does it say who the father is each time.......and mother ! 

Are you certain that they were both born to the same lady and that she didn't adopt one?

Carol

[Charlesworth]

I agree with a lot of the comments above - doing family research you will find out things that will shock you, but who are we to judge our ancestors?

Not only are we all imperfect ourselves, but our ancestors did what they did often because of circumstances at the time.  They were people of their day.  And you really cannot know what your g grandmother was going through or what her domestic circumstances were. As said above, there are two sides to every story.

However it does seem surprising that she managed to get pregnant so quickly.  I have known a couple of women who have got pregnant three months after the birth of a baby, but it seems strange that a woman would get pregnant instantly because she is unlikely to be ovulating so soon.

[Annie65115]

Mmm, I wondered about the timings,too. Although not impossible to conceive so quickly after a birth, it's unusual, and even more so if the child was breastfed (and I imagine he was as choices would have been limited).

Skeletons in the closet? We all have them. I have been surprised and saddened by some of the life stories I've pieced together, but I would never judge my ancestors for their actions. They were living in a different world, with very different opportunities and expectations from those we enjoy now. Women especially had to do whatever was necessary to put food in their childrens' mouth, especially when they had little legal standing and were so very dependent on having a man look after them. Ever read Moll Flanders?!

You need to keep an open mind if you're going to poke around and unsettle the dust that lies over past actions. Firstly, you need to be open to suggestions and lines of enquiry to confirm or refute information that you think may be relevant to your research. Secondly, you need to allow your ancestors their lives, their mistakes and their sorrows, and not judge them against a different age.  And thirdly, you need to bear in mind that many things that we'd like to pretend couldn't possible have happened in our families, may well have -- that includes adultery, desertion, madness, illness, and lots and lots of illegitimate children or those born considerably less than 9 months after marraige - and finally, never forget that not every pregnancy is the result of freely consensual sex between adults   

[Colin Cruddace]

Some things do not make sense at all, so I would suggest you stand back and put your feelings aside for a while (if you can), and take another look at your facts without the influence of family stories.

You say your Granddad's father went to prison when he was 4 months old, which also coincides with GGranddad's death 

You also say that the odd one out, from the 3 children, was your Granddad's 'older' brother. Was he also the eldest child? Perhaps the mother took him because he was old enough to earn money at a time when the whole Country was heading into a deep depression and things were very tough.

Regards,
Colin

[carol8353]

I see from another one of your threads http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php/topic,531826.msg3862446.html#msg3862446
that Suzard found a possible 5 children born to your great grandparents. As I suggested before you really do need to get the birth certs to prove who each of the children belonged to.

Every one of us who has been doing research for years will have found that the facts often don't tie up with what info has been passed down through the family.

Carol

[Ruskie]

You also must remember before feeling that it was your ggrandfather who was wronged, that it was he who was in prison, presumably because he did committed a crime. Do you know what that was?

You never know, this other chap may have been the love of your ggrandmother's life and perhaps she was trapped in an unhappy or abusive marriage with your ggrandfather and had to get out. Circumstances would have been very tough for her, even though you think she was "doing just fine".

I think you are not being fair on her.

[Billycat]

Whatever the truth, I agree it can be upsetting. Ive just started and although happy to have convicts, and bride ship ancestors, when you start reading about their lives it can be sad. Ive been lucky mine built good lives but others have uncovered, prostitutes, lunatics, and worse. But all in all I am very proud to be who I am and thankful to those who put me here, regardless of what it took. My job now to make sure I teach my children where they came from and what it took to get here.