The Stigma of being illegitimate & female in 1800

[coombs]

If the mother married someone else other than the father which of course did happen then if the man bought them up and nurtured them then he was the father, just not biologically and would be considered more than just a "stepfather".

[Darwin]

My own theory is that among the rural labouring classes around 1800, the "stigma" with illegitimacy was more economic than moral. If a woman didn't have a man to provide for her and the child, she'd be a burden to her family and/or the Parish. There are so many cases of people marrying shortly before a birth that the notion of a young couple having sex before marriage was not entirely unknown but if they didn't marry, the woman was at the mercy of others to provide for her or look after her child so that she could work. I've also seen many cases where a single woman with a child marries someone else so these "unmarried mothers" weren't entirely outcast in the social sense. Their children might be taunted with the label "bastard" of course, which is why we see C19th marriage certificates naming invented fathers.

For wealthier families around 1800, I think it was more moral than economic. It was a huge factor in social status and a woman who had an illegitimate child could seriously affect the family's social standing. An example of this is to be found in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice where a gentleman's daughter elopes with an Army officer. The family are frantic to find them and get them married because if they don't, the daughter will be "lost" to them and her sisters' chances of making "good" marriages will be significantly reduced.

However, the bastard child of a gentleman might still make a reasonable marriage and be accepted in society. Another Austen example of this is in "Emma", where the supposed "natural" daughter of a gentleman is considered (by Emma, a wealthy Gentleman's daughter) to be good enough to marry the vicar.

[ter153]

i have found  a few illegitimate relatives while searching,including my own dad,his mother was married in 1939,my dad born 1949,bbut at the registration of the birth her husband AND the man who was my fathers birth father were both present,was this a usual thing to happen,i never knew my grandmothers husband,but did visit my dads father weekly over the years,i just think it strange that there was never any mention of the husband but the father stayed around his illegitimate child for mamy years
 
another granny had an illigitemate child in 1942,this man was never put on the birth cert,but she later married my grandad who took on the child as his own this poor child died in 1944,and id never heard of him until my mother mentioned him yearsa ago when i said i was doing my family tree,but didnt find out about the circumstances of his birth and death until recently.nobody else in the family spoke of this other child so there maybe was some stigma attatched to his birth somewhere along the line.

[AngelaR]

What I've noticed with my (rather humble) ancestors is that, in the early to mid 1800s, most women had a child a couple of years before the marriage and almost certainly not because of the man they married.

What seems to have happened is that the child was brought up by the stepfather, used the stepfather's surname, and then in adult life, reverted to their registered surname (their mother's). On marriage they all (at least the females) gave an obviously fictitious father's name - presumably for appearances. It's interesting, to me at least, that they generally gave their grandfather's name. Assuming that they really weren't the result of incest, I suppose it's the nearest genuine male relative with the right surname (and often conveniently deceased!)

Angela

[LizzieW]

that they generally gave their grandfather's name. Assuming that they really weren't the result of incest, I suppose it's the nearest genuine male relative with the right surname (and often conveniently deceased!)

That is exactly what my gran's half neice did.     She obviously knew her mother wasn't married, especially as she lived with her gran (my gran's mother) and her half aunt and uncle who were of a similar age to her.

Lizzie

[Carolyn23]

Hi I found this interesting as my grandmother gave birth to my uncle Bill in 1923 in  rural Lincolnshire (he was illegitimate) he was always made to stand outside when ever my grandmother visited anyone's house in the area!!?? People in the area had the view it would bring bad luck to there doorstep she was not welcome to visit at all when he was a baby!!?? Even when she married in 1927 no one would let my Uncle in there house for fear they might end up with someone pregnant and not married!!?... My Uncle always lived a life angry at not being good enough!!?? but the good thing is he and his first wife fostered around 50 children but he never had any of his own Carolyn xx   

[FionaO]

Reminds me of when I told my mother, a moderately strait laced bible basher, that her Grandfather had no fathers name on his birth cert and her look of horror! She was so shocked that I haven’t got the heart to tell her that on his marr cert both her Grandfather and Grandmother have blank fathers!  Shouldn’t laugh really.....

[marcie dean]

my nan felt the same about herself  being born in 1911 although her mother married her father after she was born and she was given the name steel or smith. she never felt that she deserved it. as if it was her fault.

[MelLavoie]

Would it not make sense if a stigma existed it was because a person's self esteem?

If born in a society where children are accepted by the the adults in the society whether or not the parents were married then the stigma may exist at a much lower level than in some other societies. To be labeled as being illegitimate would have been a label attached to a person by other people. I wonder if the existents of the stigma would be more prevalent when people in a society felt a need to support their own ego at the expense of others. Example "You're a bastard I'm not" inferring I'm better than you are. But if someone knew they were born of parents that loved each other and did a good job of teaching their children the stigma may not exist at all or at a very low level until exposed to criticism by others.

Any one that carries the stigma with them throughout their life would undoubtedly have low self-esteem. A person deemed illegitimate but with a high level of self esteem could respond to judgmental people with the words "I might be from parents that were not recognized by a church or the state as being married but I have no need to support my ego at the expense of others. If being a 'bastard' lowers me in your eyes then remember it is I that has the advantage and not you. I might be a bastard but I'm not an idiot!"