Ringing lost cousin???

[Brant81uk]

I have recently found a cousin in the phonebook. I did some research and the guy is my grandads first cousin. My grandad is dead but this chap could be one of the only people who could tell me about my Brant family that I dont know much about.

I have his phone number but I wouldnt know how to start the conversation if I rang him? Im not good on the phone and would probably hang up on him!!....lol

Anyone got any advice?

Cheers

Tyrone Brant

[Cal241]

Hi
I think you just have to be up front and honest [and take a deep breath!]

I would start the convo by saying 'hello I am xxxx sorry to bother you but I found your phone number whilst I was trying to find the family of my grandfather and I believe you maybe my grandfathers cousin. My grandfather was xxxx. son of xxx and your mum/dad was xxx his sister/brother '

After that I am sure you could fill in the details of how your grandfather and his cousin are related.... if it turns out they don't want to know just say 'sorry to have bothered you' but if they are up for speaking then it will be plain sailing ...

good luck and remember 'deep breath'... it will be one of two things they will be awful or they will be nice ... either way you will be fine

Cal 

[Emine]

I would recommend writing to him first. A letter allows you to put down everything in order, to make it clear, and gives him the chance to read and reread at his leisure. Receiving a phonecall might feel pressured and make him less willing to want to communicate.

[danuslave]

SNAP   

Hi Tyrone

I would suggest you write at first.  Looking at your profile I think you're just about old enough to remember snail mail  

I'll let you use Word if you like

a)  because it's easier to rearrange things when you get in a muddle (as you undoubtedly will at first)

and b)  it will make it easier for the recipient to read

Just explain who you are and who you think he is in relation to you and that you don't want anything from him (except information if he has any)

In these days of multiple scams you don't want to scare him off.

Think about how you would feel if you got a letter like this out of the blue and word it appropriately.

Oh - and don't forget to enclose a stampd addressed envelope so that he can reply to you, if he wants to.

Hope it all works out for you (both)

Linda

[groom]

Hi

I agree with Emine, a letter would be best especially as he is probably quite elderly. People get so many "cold calling" phone calls that they tend to put the phone down as soon as they realise they don't know who is calling - well I know I do.  

Jan

added: and Linda 

[Brant81uk]

Cheers ladies,

The address was present so that I think will be a better option than ringing him. Thanks for all the advice...

Regards,

Tyrone

[Colin Cruddace]

I had the very same problem when looking into the descendants of my Gt-Grandad's second wife. I found a will for the widow of their son, my Grandad's half-brother. (sorry if I have made it sound complicated) which gave the name and address of the executor, who was their son.

I checked the BT online phone book and the son seemed to be at the same address 30 years later so I decided to send a letter.

What do you say?
Nothing seemed to be right without sounding like an idiot, so in desperation I picked up the phone and rang him. (we both share the same surname but I can't mention living people )

"Hello, is that Mr XXX.... (YES)... I am also Mr XXX and I think we might be related. etc. etc. etc.

He had recently been looking into his family history and was wondering about the children who were in the census with his grandad before he married.

I would recommend a phone call if possible, and if it doesn't work out, then send a letter after they have had time to think about things.

Colin

[Sloe Gin]

I would definitely write, not phone, for the reasons the others have given.

Enclosing an SAE is a good idea, but do include your phone number as well and say that if he would like to ring you, you will call him straight back so that he doesn't need to worry about the cost of what might turn out to be a long call.

[Tony55]

Tyrone,
   I agree that writing is the better option. After 25 years of researching and only having known my Grandfather when i was a young lad and thinking i'd only ever know my Father and Uncle from what was quite a large family i was given an address for the Daughter in Law of my Grandads youngest brother, she is now 80.
   I wrote a letter explaining who i was and that i was trying to find out about my Grandads family and included a small tree that showed how we both fitted into the family. I also included my phone number with my address to give them the option of either meathod of contact depending on which they felt happiest with.
  I only had to wait 3 days and on the Sunday before last in the afternoon had a phonecall from a woman who started with " Hello, i don't realy know how to start this but i'm xxxxxx xxxxxxx" we ended up talking for almost an hour and at the end it was as if we'd been friends for years  she said that they never realy mixed with her F in Laws family and that she didn't realise there were any relatives left around and she was quite thrilled. she also passed my letter on to one of her daughters who wrote to me at the end of last week and described her Grandfather and also expressed surprise that there were other relatives around.
  A letter gives the chance for them to reflect on the past and think of things to say in a conversation wheras a call puts one on the spot and can be a bit overwhelming.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do,

regards,Tony