finding a 'dead' rellie - has lost me a 'live' one

[Finley 1]

When I started to research  my families' history, it was because My Nan was an extremely important lady in my life... and she had searched for a lost Nephew in Canada for some years.  I sadly didn't find him until she had left us.  But still told her and was sure she knew and was pleased  -  He turned out to be a great fellow and even came out to visit me  and we had a lovely time.  I was so pleased that he and his family were now in touch...
BUT I carried on with my research  and kept him up to date with results that were regarding his line.  He always seemed to enjoy the contact and information.   
Then by chance, I discovered that his father's brother had not died in infancy as was supposed, Due to the 1911 Census return it showed how many children were born and how many survived, So I put the details into a search engine and got a match.      I went to it , with further investigation and swopping details, plus photos etc etc .. buying relevant BMD certs ---- everything that I felt was needed to ensure it was a correct link... Half way through doing this I contacted my 'Cousin' to tell him the 'good' news ... and his response -- was very negative... No way could this person be correct he said.   'My Father never had a Brother'. etc etc..

I didnt contact him again until I had absolute proof  -- which I now have -- Knowing that this seemed to be a bit of a delicate subject with him... I explained gently why this information was correct.  Sent him the Proof  and the details of his now 'new' living rellies  who hold photos  previously unseen of his Father...................Guess what absolutely no response... So I have left it with him   - So sad.

xin

[charlotteCH]

xin, That's sad and most disappointing for you. I feel sad for you.
I had an experience that is a bit like yours and the result was  rejection by someone of whom I was fond, so feel for you.

charlotte

[parkywinter]

Hi xin

that's very upsetting for you... and frustrating too. All your hard work and effort has proved your theory right but as you say.. "lost" you someone. My empathy for you...  Don't give up, the lost one may well think things through and come back to you before too long.

Regards,  Parkywinter

[Finley 1]

Thank you both... each day I hope that he will respond with a positive email... But hey I have to move on.. My immediate family are happy to have found lots more living Rellies all living very close by... which is lovely.

Xin

[Glitterlamp]

Hello Charlotte and Xin, I too have had a similar experience and do not really understand why they have gone silent on me ! So sad, as you say!

John

[charlotteCH]

Xin, you are correct saying one cannot dwell on such things.  They are sad and disappointing and quite unpredictable but unfortunately sometimes things like this happen in FH.

charlotte

[Greensleeves]

Hi Xin
I suspect that the problem here lies in the relationship between your cousin and his father, rather than with you revealing the truth.  It could mean that your cousin is upset about the fact that his father must have lied to him, or at the very least, concealed the truth.  I know that if I was confronted with information about close family which had been hidden from me, I would be extremely cross - but with the person who had hidden it, rather than the one who had revealed it.  Perhaps it will take him a bit of time to unravel his feelings, which are likely to centre on his relationship with his father, rather than anything you did.

I know that one of the delights of family history research for me is finding 'lost' rellies - not those deliberately hidden or abandoned, but those who have accidentally been mislaid!

Regards,
Greensleeves

[Joyful]

Oh Xin, I feel for you...so sad but I agree with Greensleeves

this could probably be something your cousin has to to come to term

with. Doesn't matter how gently he was told, it's still an

almighty bombshell to land in your lap.

Fingers crossed he recovers and contacts you

Joy

[Finley 1]

It is so sad especially as the new found rellies brother died in the war in France. Here is a probably confusing explanation... hope its understandable....??
I accidently mislaid a generation when posting.... (as you do )  lets just use the name Fred as there are living people involved.

Fred (1)  is the one whos Brother was missed out in the tree. 
His son Fred (2) is the father of my cousin
 Fred (3)

Now the fuller picture is that Fred 1 married in 1915 produced Fred 2 in 1917 and died the same year in the war....
So no info passed on to Rellies there......
Fred 2 left the Uk and started a new life abroad and produced Fred 3....

Fred 2 was in touch with UK family and shared Xmas and all sorts of occasions with them... was kept updated with what was going on over here....Until they eventually lost touch..

During the time they were in touch I would have imagined that they must have known about Fred 1's brother their Uncle.  So maybe there is a deep dark secret that Fred 2 hid from Fred 3   regarding a falling out..

Who knows?  but I will leave it with him now in the hope that he can accept that this fact was not brought out into the open for whatever reason.

Thank you for responses as always cant beat Roots for helping you through things like this... bless u all xxx