Attitudes to a suicide in the 1920s

[sarahsean]

Hi Clara,

I think it really depends on your mums attitude as to whether you tell her or not. If she is reluctant to talk about her past then i would let it be.  I personally don`t think anything would be gained by telling her.  If however she has been upfront and open about her families past and you think she will not get upset by such knowledge then go ahead.

Sarah

[oldcrone]

Thanks for all the advice, and the extra info from Stan re: the issue of non compos mentis.

I'm still not sure whether to tell Mum - she has been very interested in her family history (she actually sparked me off a few years ago), but she's the sort of person who isn't too keen on hearing anything 'negative'.

I'll leave it for now, I think; I'll just tell everyone else in the family!

Clara 

[Redroger]

Clara, If you do that it seems like a sure way for your mother to find out by the back door. If you say anything tell her up front!

[Rabbit B]

Thanks for all the advice, and the extra info from Stan re: the issue of non compos mentis.

I'm still not sure whether to tell Mum - she has been very interested in her family history (she actually sparked me off a few years ago), but she's the sort of person who isn't too keen on hearing anything 'negative'.

I'll leave it for now, I think; I'll just tell everyone else in the family!

Clara 

Hi Clara,

If I may add a comment, my whole family looked at my uncle's suicide with shame.  I think that it would have been better brought into the open.  It is a terrible tragedy for any family to lose someone to suicide.

Surely it is better to have an open attitude to these things.  People must be so desperate to do that sort of thing, they are to be pitied not reviled or hidden away.

There is nothing whatever to be ashamed of.  If your mother knows that you are doing family history, she must realise that you will find out what she already 'knows'.   Where is the shame?  It is part of the FH whatever happens.   Treated as unemotional fact, I would be inclined to tell her what you know,

Rabbit B

[aniph]

I'd tell her too.

It would be just dreadful if she heard from someone else in the family:(

Annie

[Daisy Loo]

Clara, have just re-read all your posts, as it seems most people are thinking you SHOULD tell your mother.  I see that you have spoken about this suicide with your mother's brother...and he knows nothing about it...why don't you ask him whether it be appropriate to tell your mother?

I do agree, that if you are telling other members of the family, it may well backfire, and find a way back to your mother, leaving her to wonder why you didn't come to her about it!

My mother didn't know her grandfather had committed suicide, but her older sister did (that was how I found out).  My mother was just 4 years old, when he died.  My mother is 65, and had no fond memories, or any "fantasy" of her grand-father, in fact, her father had actually been disowned by the grandfather, so I actually did tell my mother, and she wasn't fazed.

[justmej]

As my mother has helped me so much with family information, I never hesitate in telling her whatever I find, whether it be good or bad and I know she prefers it that way.  I did ask, when I first started out, that should I find anything she might not like, would she still want to know and she agreed she would.

Some time ago, mum told me of a double family tragedy, when an older cousin of hers was murdered by her husband, who then committed suicide himself.  Mum can remember how afraid she felt at the time of the tragedy, mainly as her parents and the rest of the family would not discuss it in front of either her or her siblings, although by then they were all teenagers.  She had many a sleepless night back then 'worrying' over the horror of what had happened to her cousin.

I recently received the death certificates and mum was relieved to finally hear the correct details, which ended some of the 'imagined' ones from all those years ago.  Now I want to try and locate the newspaper reports, in the hope it might help us understand what led to the terrible event, which sadly happened within the same quarter as their marriage was registered.

justmej

[Redroger]

I must admit that I was a little hurt that my brother and I hadn't been told when we were old enough to appreciate the facts, but thinking on, in the late Victorian era onwards a minimum of information about any scandal and many things that were not scandalous were just not talked about!

[oldcrone]

Sorry, I've been away for a few days, but thanks for the further thoughts/advice.  As for my earlier post about telling the rest of the family, I'm afraid I was being a bit glib!  Actually, I have very few members of the family to tell.

My mum is visiting for a week fairly soon.  I will broach the subject in a roundabout way with her.  I appreciate everything that's been said about it being better to tell her; I agree.

Best wishes and thanks!

Clara