My Family Skeleton...

[Nick68]

I was just browsing the net this morning wondering if we had any connection with any Scottish clan, we're off to a wedding later this year and i 'm thinking of highland dress but have no idea as to a tartan etc. one thing led to another I got thinking (always dangerous!!).

I just realised I know nothing about my Grandfather on my Dad's side. I was always told he'd died really young and my dad never talked about him and I always thought this was because he didn't have the memories. I assumed my grandmother who I did know had returned for whatever reason to using her maiden name after his death and my dad retained his fathers surname. I didn't even know my grandads first name on my dad's side. I know my mum's family quite well.

I tried some preliminary searches on the 1911 census this morning I knew my grandmother was born in 1902 I couldn't find anything under what I assumed was her birth name. I phoned my mum and she told me my dad was actually born Illegitimate and the man who I assumed was my paternal grandfather was actually my dad's step dad. My grandmother had kept her married name. My dad used her maiden name.

It kind of made my search for my grandmother easier I managed to find her in the 1911 census. I'm just not sure I want to dig anymore.

I was 40 in December and I never knew any of this, when I spoke to my mum this morning she sounded a little upset, by it all, she said it had bothered my dad a lot. I know my mum probably has a copy of my dad's birth certificate, there are questions I want to ask Whose name is on there?, What happened to him? etc., but I don't want to upset her any more. Part of me is also a little nervous about where all of this could go. I feel on edge at the minute there's things coming out I'm really not feeling at ease with, I think no less of my dad in fact probably more of him. I was really close to my Grandmother until she died 15 years ago and I now begin to find out she was a bit of a girl, not sure i'm up for finding out any more. I discovered a few year ago she'd been married before she married the man who I assumed until this morning was my grandfather.

I really don't know what to do if it a few  generations back I wouldn't have a problem with it, but this is recent history, people I knew and loved and whilst i'm curious part of me thinks let sleeping dogs lie.

[Roobarb]

Hi Nick, welcome to Rootschat!

I think a number of Rootschatters will identify with your dilemma, I have read in previous threads about close families sometimes being upset by the facts being unearthed. A lot of us, myself included, have found out information of this nature but it has been further back in our family trees. As you say, that's rather different from it being about close living relatives. If you wanted to continue with your research without questioning your mum you could obtain a copy of your dad's birth certificate and see the details. Unfortunately only you can decide on whether to take this path. Perhaps your parents will become easier in their minds about this as time goes on. Would you feel as if you were being sneaky if you continued without their knowledge? It's a very difficult one, maybe you should take a little more time to consider it. Whatever you decide, I hope you feel comfortable with your choice.

[Nick68]

Thanks for that, my Dad died in 1999, i've thought about tracing my family back, I just wanted to know who we are and where we come from. Just a bit of a shock to start off with, I'm going to see my mum on Tuesday, I think we'll have a cup of tea and see if there's anything else I should know before I start digging anymore.

I think if I do go down the route of getting a copy of the birth certificate.

[Roobarb]

Sorry Nick, I hadn't realised your dad had died, I should have picked it up from what you said about him. I know this sort of thing is quite shocking when you first uncover it but I wouldn't worry about your grandmother being 'a bit of a girl' - illegitimacy was a lot more common at that time than you may think.
I'm sure your mum will come to terms with your curiosity about your ancestors, she probably just needs a little time. And a cuppa is always a good start! Good luck!

[Bo]

Nick

don't think too harshly of your grandmother- times were hard then and people, particularly women,  didn't have the choices most of us have now.  You said you loved and was close to your father & grandmother - remember them for the people they were and what they meant to you.  Good luck with whatever you decide to do 

p.s. I could tell you a few stories from my family that would make your hair curl    

[alpinecottage]

You knew and loved your Dad (and he couldn't choose his parents!) and your Gran.  You don't know the circumstances of his birth, so don't assume the worst!  Your Gran may have been mislead or may have been the victim of a sad series of events.  Now the subject has been raised, I'm sure your Mum will tell you more in due course - you may just have to be patient.  Whatever your Gran did or didn't do all those years ago, (and she could have given your dad up for adoption), she was still your lovely Grandma and you'll never forget that.

[Nick68]

I'm starting to get a little paranoid.

I went and had a chat with my mum on Tuesday night we talked about a few things, my grandmother was the oldest of four and basically her mother died when she was about 16 and she stayed at home and looked after her family, a pretty hard life. When her Brothers and Sisters got a bit older, I think she decided to cut loose a bit and well to cut a long story short got involved with what we think was a married man and my dad was the result. I found a copy of my parents marriage certificate and my dad's death certificate, the name of his father was left blank on the marriage certificate.

The date of birth on both of those Certificate's was 25th December 1928, thats the date we always celebrated his birthday, and it's the date on his gravestone.

I bought a few credits on the 1901 census website this morning and viewed the register of births for 1928. There's no record of his birth in the 4th quarter of 1928. I even looked at the 1st quarter of 1929, nothing!!. Well not under my grandmothers maiden name, his and my surname. I can find my Grandmothers birth under our surname in the 4th quarter of 1902 in Basford, Nottingham. This makes sense it 's exact name match and her family were from Nottingham.

How accurate would that register be in 1928?, I was on the verge of requesting a copy of his birth certificate but now I'm not sure they could find it?, I'm beginning to doubt so much I've always taken for granted.

I'm hoping it's just an omission but my Mum and Dad were married for 40 years and I didn't think there would be any secrets to find.

[behindthefrogs]

If you are looking on FreeBMD the transcription of 1928 births is still in progress and only three quarters of the index have so far been transcribed.  The ancestry index is a copy of the freeBDM index and some months behind.  It is mainly the December quarter that is missing.

David

[avm228]

The ancestry index is a copy of the freeBDM index and some months behind. 

Not any more!

See

http://www.rootschat.com/forum/index.php?topic=356799.msg2341479;topicseen#msg2341479

Anna