A conundrum - how do I approach????

[nortybaby]

Hello all,


I have a bit of a poser. Briefly, my mum always thought she was an only child - or else she was adopted (she wasn't). There aren't any weddins photo's of my grandparents. They moved from Melbourne to Sydney around 1924/25.

I couldn't find ANY records of a marriage ANYWHERE in Australia. I have found a record of a marriage for him on Digger - also 2 children (1 x girl/1 x boy)and their births/marriages etc. So it looks like my mum had 2 half siblings. The first wife died still using her married name.

My question is how should I approach this and IF I should approach it at all. This is as far as I am at the moment and I'm wondering:

1)   Should I take it further and try to find their descendants?
2)   If so, how should I approach them?

If anyone has any ideas or advice, I would be most grateful.

Julie

PS: I should add that my mum and grandparents are all deceased and my mum never knew the above.

[charlotteCH]

what sort of age group do you reckon the persons you might be approaching, if you decided to do that, might be?


Also you probably need to accept that there most likely  was no marriage- if that doesn't worry you, you may need to think whether you'd be prepared to tell the others that maybe there wasn't any marriage at all, or at least that you can't find a record of one- that softens the blow a bit...
charlotte

[nortybaby]

Hi charlotte,

If I'm calculating correctly they could be anywhere from 30 to 60.  They would be mum's nieces/nephews I guess.

If the 2 half-sib's are still alive they'd be about 93 & 90'ish. I would hate to cause them any discomfort - I'd say they didn't know about my mum either.

I'm sure there was no marriage but it doesn't really bother me or my brothers. If mum was still around it would! When I was telling my bro's about the info they were both quite speechless but something seemed to click for them - ie: mum thinking she was adopted.

I have a recently found young cousin (his g-grandpa was my grandpa's brother) who is going to try and find out from his side if there was any scandal. I'd like to get all the info I can before I go disrupting anything for anyone.

Julie

[Tephra]

It sounds like you're doing all the right things Julie, gather as much info as you can and then you can make an informed decision as to contacting anyone. 

Barbara

[charlotteCH]

What Barbara says is right... get all the info then weigh it up..

I had a scandalous bit of info emerge in my family hunting and out of the three cousins who I told the one I thought would be most shocked took it very calmly and wants to know more, and the one who I thought was shock proof, ran a mile... so you can't predict...

[nortybaby]

Thank you both for your thoughts - I will find out all I can and then have a think about when, how and whether or not I'll make contact.

Thanks again!
Julie

[trish251]

Hi Julie  (from another Australian)

I had a slightly different situation - I was approached by a half cousin (well I found her on the net, looking for my family) some years ago. Initially I was unsure of the situation, but when it was explained, I was thrilled. (The older generation were not wanting to know - which would probably equate to your 90/93 year olds).

I think, when one or more generations removed from events - it should be fine - sometimes there was hurt between the two families at the time of original events which is not easy to overcome.

My only suggestion would be - make sure of all the facts. I initially had trouble believing the story and  needed reassurance that we were in fact related and I was the family they were seeking. Once past that - all went well. The folks contacting me simply assumed I would be interested - that I believe was a very good attitude.

Trish

[nortybaby]

Hi Trish,

Thanks for that - it's going to be quite a bit of work to do it but I think it will be worth it. The softly softly approach is the best way I think. Never thought I'd have this situation (you know - nice boring family!)

It's all on mum's side too (at least at this point!!) - her maternal father was a bit of a lad too, disappeared to Adelaide.

Cheers,
Julie

PS: Hope you had a lovely Australia Day - we had perfect weather here in country Vic.

[Merly]

If you find them, I agree that softly, softly is the way to go. I have personal experience of a family member who had a couple of children out of wedlock, at a time where that was not permitted. We are now in contact, and get along very well. My advice? Make contact, give minimal information, and let them take it from there. It is important that they feel in control. Having said that, you could be opening a door to somewhere very special, or not.