What do I do with you when you die?

[madpants]

My mum and her sisters scattered both her parents at the top of Dollywaggon Pike in the Lake District as that was my grandfathers favourite walk, as far as I know they didn't ask any permissions.  My brother had lunch with them when he was up there at New Year 

[Gillg]

My mother had everything planned, down to the hymns to be used in the funeral service, even which particular tune for each hymn, and had arranged for her ashes to be buried with my father's.  Each close family member was allotted a specific role at the funeral.  It was all written down and she quite enjoyed going through her plans with us.

On the other hand, when my uncle died in his late 80s and we asked his wife what kind of a funeral she wanted for him, she said, "I don't know.  We never discussed it."  We just had to go ahead with what we thought was best.

Gillg

[Romilly]

We scattered my parents-in-law's ashes in the sea off Kimmeridge Bay in Dorset. We knew that was what they wanted, - my father-in-law had been stationed there during WW2, & they had often visited there, holidayed there, etc...

In the event, he died 8yrs before her...but we kept his ashes in the garage during that time...so that we could scatter them together!!

Romilly

[Sylviaann]

I'd like my ashes scattered on Santorini.  Then the family can have a holiday too.  However I think it would be too difficult so they can just chuck me on the flowers in the local crematorium.  I'm sure the family will have something better to do with any money left.

A neighbour of mine always buys a plant or shrub to put in her garden to remind her of anyone who has died, even the dogs.  That might be a good suggestion.  My Aunt bought a Rose bush called cheeky to remind her of her husband.  I'll have to find which plant I want

Sylviaann

[genjen]

Years ago, I was discussing this subject with a couple of friends and we came to the conclusion that we need to have a sort of large pepper pot, with several properly divided layers. That way, we can have bits of ourselves scattered in a selection of favourite places.

Like a couple of others on the thread so far, I shall be, partly at least, in the Lake District - by the little tarn between the summits of Allen Crags and Glaramara. Other sections to be emptied at Rhu, near Arisaig on the North West Coast of Scotland, Bedoin in the Vaucluse region of France, Lochranza, Isle of Arran and maybe just a sprinkling in Wilton Churchyard for family solidarity.

Jen

[runlee]

It's a good question and one which many people are afraid to ask. 

I must say that I was quite pleased when my daughter brought up the subject. I think it's quite important to be able to talk about death, after all, it's inevitable. My mother has made all her own arrangements - choice of coffin, hymns, readings etc and she has it already paid for!  I have been happy to discuss things with her as I know it gives her some peace of mind, my brother on the otherhand refuses point blank even to be in the room if the subject crops up.  My husband already knew that I want to be buried (he wants to be cremated).  He also knows that whilst the medics can have what they like from me beforehand, they are NOT to take my eyes! I know, I know, I'll be dead, but...

Just in case my OH is not around when the time comes, having now discussed it, at least my daughter now knows as well!

[Tsu]

I've thought about having my husband made into a diamond (assuming he dies before me).

I can be burned and scattered somewhere.

[Romilly]

Actually, - for myself I'm quite taken with the idea of a 'green burial'.

See:

http://www.globalideasbank.org/greenburial.html

Romilly

[Sylviaann]

I thought about a green burial but how much does it cost?

I've written some notes and left them with my will.

I want the cheapest coffin possible.
I want a non religious ceremony
Make it as cheap as possible
Don't wear black

Read this part of Joyce Grenfell poem

Break not a flower, nor inscribe a stone,
Nor, when I’m gone, speak in a Sunday voice,
But be the usual selves That I have known.
Weep if you must:
Parting is hell,
But life goes on
So...sing as well!”

Play Karen Carpenter "Sing a song"

Sylviaann

Oh and save all the family history somewhere for someone to read.
Send a CD copy to all people on my list

Sylviaann