Another local expression - do you have a variant?

[Just Kia]

Igor - that reminds me of a phrase my grandparents still use.
"well, this won't buy the baby a new dress" - very similar, same meaning. I think it was picked up from my grandfathers parents, so that would put it Warwickshire/Midlands

[Abiam2]

My dear old Dad often said, if anything surprised him "Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs!"
And if  nothing could be done about a problem "Well, that's it and all about it!"

[Mark1973]

Was just thinking - as I was lying in bed this morning not getting up to do the chores - my mum always used to say in such circumstances

"Well, THIS won't get the baby washed"

She didn't have any babies requiring washing as far as I know.

Anything similar anywhere?

My Mun & Nan always used to say, "This wont get the Baby it's bottle".

[Roger in Sussex]

If anyone complained about meat being tough, my Mum used to say "Tougher where there isn't any".

Also, at school we used to say Paxies when asking for a truce in a rough game. I imagine it comes from the Latin pax for peace.

[BattyB]

If my mum and her sisters were talking about someone who was illegitamate they used the phrase "He/she came from across the fields"

and

if it looked like rain it was "looking black over Bill's mothers"

if a patch of blue sky appeared through clouds it was "enough to make a sailor a pair of trousers"

[jacquelineve]

  My gran used to say about people who were nosey

"They want to know the ins and outs of an old nags a**e"

 Dogs were referred to as "wammels"

Jackie.

[James1950]

a Burnley expression:-

She's got a face like a pair of odd clogs

James

[stoney]

Being brought up in the Midlands near Coventry/Birmingham, by a family of Scots and Cumbrians (Carlisle) my language was a cause for hilarity - at school the odd words used for things in the family drew blank looks, and vice versa when I returned home!

Odd things from home:

"Mythering" was whining;

Searching through boxes/cupboards was termed "ratching" (or wratching? I never saw it written !);

"Whist!" - not the game, but a northern term meaning "Do be quiet!";

"Jai" (pronounced to rhyme with "my") - meaning crooked or unbalanced. (We think this word was "invented" by an aunt as no-one else in the family ever heard of or used the term!);

On the subject of funny sayings: whenever anyone commented on how hard the rain was coming down, my father would respond "Well, I'll sign the pledge when I see it going up!" - this, from a man who was practically tee-total!

Stoney

[Mark1973]

Dogs were referred to as "wammels"

Jackie.

Wasps were referred to as "Wobbies" by my Nan