My sister doesn`t want me to do the family history.

[mc8]

Hi Forthefamily,
                       no the trouble is my sister knows nothing of our family history.Yes she is older than me but only by eighteen months. Its just a privacy thing with her. I know there is nothing in our family history that is damaging to our family and especially nothing that can be damaging about her. Maybe jealousy but I`m not sure.

 Johngirl

the thing is-it isn't private. You are merely accessing details which are available to all on the public record. Putting the details into a tree isn't going to make a jot of difference to anyone's family memories, and it certainly isn't going to upset your mum and dad. You were right to block access so that she can't be upset, but she has no right to pressure you (or anyone else) to stop looking at available records. Family research can reveal some things that might be embarrassing(believe me, I know!), but if it is sensitively handled it should not stop you researching and getting pleasure from a hobby.
Monique

[Gaille]

My father found it, after she died.  So after the funeral I was handed several documents and photographs, including the actual originals of certificates I had shelled out lots of money to buy copies of in the previous eleven years!  My grandmother knew I was doing this as I used to take the certificates to show her when I received them. Not once did she say "Well actually, dear . . ."!

Never mind - I'm not upset at all!

 

LOL i had to giggle at this!

My grandma went one better................ she let me search for 3 YEARS for her parents marriage in the area i KNEW they had married in with no luck ...............and this was in the days before internet, i spent days and weeks going thru parish records, fiche IGI everything in my days off & spare time and no luck.

I finaly plucked up the courage to tell her I didnt think they had actually married as the only Henry Childs I could find in the right area & time didnt marry a Woman named Planceana Flint - she was named Blanche Filint ...........

Nanas reaction ?? ............................. Oh I know that ................... Mum hated her name so she never used it.......................I have the certificate in her papers

I had ASKED her over & over for help and she had NEVER told me once I was searching for the wrong name - ohh and by the way I have the original certificate safe n sound ............ LOL I literaly couldnt speak for ages, I didnt know whether to laugh or cry! (lol when I think what it cost me looking so long I think it was cry!!)

When I did actually look at the cert I quickly relalised why she had tried to hide it, and why she had finaly given it up - her parents married just weeks before her older brother was born, I think the thought me knowing they had Married just before his birth was better than me thinking they never married at all ! !

Gaille

[DozyDora]

My Dad was the only person we knew from his family.  Mum's family is huge.  So, when we were youngsters, we used to ask Dad about his family and he only ever appeared vague about it.  Mum then took us aside and asked us not to ask about his family.

For years and years I wanted to know where he came from and so did Mum.  Finally, in 2004 when I got my own computer, I plucked up the courage to ask him if he really wanted to know and that I could look up records on the Internet.  He gave me what few details he knew and in no time I had traced his Dad's family on the Census.  I have since found a lot of his family and the next part of my research will take me to Ireland.  It turned out that Dad's Mum died of Tuberculosis when Dad was only 8 months old and he was brought up by an aunt and uncle, who didn't have any children of their own.  His older brother was brought up by another aunt and they hardly ever saw each other.  Meanwhile his father desserted them both and eventually remarried.

I recently managed to trace a stepbrother of Dad's who is still alive, coming from the second marriage.  This stepbrother only found out by accident that my grandfather had been married before and had two children.  I now understand why Dad didn't know anything as I don't think he had been told.  In essence, he and his brother had been abandoned by their father.

You'd think that someone with that background would grow up not really knowing about families, but my Dad is just super and I'm glad that he met Mum who is his real soul mate and gives him all the love and support he lacked in his youth.

My sister was also dead against my looking up Dad's past but has since come to accept it all, once she saw that Dad was OK about it.

Dora

[MarieC]

That's a lovely story, Dora!  I'm so glad you have been able to fill in details of his "lost" family for someone who is clearly a wonderful Dad!  Good too that your sister has accepted it now.

MarieC

[parkywinter]

Hi JohnGirl and everyone who's replied to this topic!

What an interesting subject and it proves that we all have a need to know where we come from, especially if like me, your parents and older rellies are not around to ask. When I started my search about two years ago all I knew were my parent's names-literally! Now I am piecing together several generations and have uncovered a few facts that, at the time would be "not talked about" but these days is common!

JohnGirl- keep on doing what you need to do, your children or other successors will thank you for it!  I am getting  a bit of opposition myself, not from family but from a partner who is jealous of the time "spent with my head in a computer".  I choose to ignore that and find he actually asks questions now! So don't be put off-it's your life and you only get one!!!

Good luck with it. 

[Wiggy]

I had this problem with family.  Keep going, but put all your research onto a private tree (eg Legacy for PC or PAWS on a Mac) only on your own computer!  It solved my problems!  .    There are other programmes but the two mentioned are free download I believe.  Personally I went for a programme I had to buy - but it is worth it I believe.

Wiggy

[johngirl]

Thankyou Wiggy and parkywinter.

I`m still going strong with my family history and have put it into a private tree on my computer.
Wiggy I also only knew my parents names. My Grandparents had all passed away before I was born or just after.
Haven`t heard a thing from my sister for nearly a year
Good luck to both of you in the search for your ancestors.

  Johngirl

[LizzieW]

Wiggy - Yes the basic Legacy is free, but you can also buy their better products.

[Gaille]

I agree with you Lizzie. Things that upset my grandparents & even parents don't bother anyone today.

Even pregnancies within marriage were whispered about ~ those outside of wedlock were not even thought about

LOL I remember when I was a child in the 70's my Nana & her neighbours (all older ladies) would talk in 'code' in front of the kids playing.

No one was EVER pregnant - the word wasnt used - I remember one neighbour being described as being 'in a delicate condition' another 'lying in' (lol I remember thinking she must be VERY lazy to be in bed all that time!)

I remember one of the neighbours girls was unmarried and the neighbours whispering about her being 'disgraced' as she had 'caught' ............... lol I was totaly confused at the time as to WHAT she had done to be caught & disgraced !

LOL I had forgotten all about that until you mentioned it, it was kind of fun remembering playing in the street outside Nanas house, not thought about that in a LONG time, fun memories, thank you.

Gaille