R.I.P. .... but with a smile !

[Berlin-Bob]

These crop up every so often as examples of gravestone inscriptions. 

I have my doubts whether they actually appeared on any gravestone, but they're still good for a chuckle:

   In Memory of Beza Wood
   Departed this life
   Nov. 2, 1837
   Aged 45 yrs.

   Here lie two Woods,
   one inside the other.
   One Wood is very good,
   I cannot praise the other !

Or the horticultural widower :

   This spot is the sweetest I've seen in my life,
   It raises my flowers and covers my wife !

Here's another misogynist
(this one is possibly true - from a tombstone in Sutton Parish Churchyard ?)

   Here lies my poor wife
   Without bed or blankit.
    But dead as a door nail,
   God be thankit

For  smokers:

   It wasn't the cough, that carried him off,
   It was the coffin they carried him off in !

That was the full, hardbook edition, by the way. 
The 'Reader's Digest Condensed Books' version looked like this:

   Chapter 1:
                      coughin'
   Chapter 2:
                      coffin.

And to finish off  ( *cheers* ) -----   for now !  (*groans*):

    He passed the bobby without any fuss
    And he passed the cart of hay,
    He tried to pass a swerving bus,
    And then he passed away.

[juddee]

Love them Berlin Bob   

Here are some that I love.

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3 1803.
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualificatios of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.

On a spinster postmistress
Returned ...........Unopened


Cheers  Juddee

[Berlin-Bob]

A husband's Epitaph:

   As I am now,so you must be
   Therefore prepare to follow me.

The wife's Epitaph:

   To follow you I'm not content
   How do I know which way you went ?

On a Hosier: By his Hannah:

   He left his hose, his Hannah, and his love
    To sing Hosannahs in the world above

A Dentist:

   Stranger, approach this spot with gravity !
   John Brown is filling his last cavity.

A drink before we go,  Cider, anyone ?

   There was an old lady of Ryde
   Who ate some green apples and died
   The apples (fermented inside the lamented)
   made cider inside 'er inside

[tomkin]

I was reading a history of the village in which I
live, written in 1922 by the then vicar. He records
the inscriptions on the tombstones.
He says this one must have belonged to a man who
liked his liquor too well.

Who lies here? Why who do you think?
Old Tommy Hardcastle,give him some drink.
A dead man drink, for why?
Because in his lifetime he was always dry.

Does anybody else know of any amusing inscriptions?
Tomkin.


Moderator Comment: topics merged

[JillJ]

Here's a few:

Beneath this silent stone is laid
A noisy, talkative old maid,
Whose tongue was only stayed by death,
And ne'er before was out of breath.

Anon.


Here lie I by the chancel door;
They put me here because I was poor.
The further in, the more you pay,
But here lie I as snug as they.

Anon - on a Devon tombstone.


My fire's extinct, my forge decayed,
And in the Dust my Vice is laid.
My coals are spent, my iron's gone
My Nails are Drove, my Work is done.

William Strange (?-1746) Epitaph

[Berlin-Bob]

Fovant, Wiltshire

"To Osmunde Martin, died 12 Ap. 1777, and to other. of his family ...

All you that come our grave to see
As we are now so must you be
As you are now so once were we,
So go your way, prepared to die
When you are dead and in your grave
Then no repentance you can have.

[Tephra]

 


Barbara           

[KathMc]

These are wonderful. I personally won't have room on my stone for any of these witticisms. I intend to put my lineage back several generations, to make it easy for my descendants in 100 years. 

Kath

[GalaxyJane]

They will probably have digital tombstones soon. You know, like those digital photoframes you can get nowadays.
          Then you could have your whole tree on there, with photos, and maybe a bit of video...

    time: 3007
   place: Green Fields Repose Center, Greater Mousehole

   Oh look, Mummy, there's umpty great grandma Blogg's grave. Goodness, they only had one head in those days....