Do we idealise our ancestors?

[brendam]

Hi Patrexjax, thanks for your words of encouragement.  You had an amazing find about your father, finding out about the soup kitchen gives you a whole new outlook on his early life.  

I would love to see a pic of my grandfather.  I asked Dad (sheepishly) if he had a picture and he said my aunt probably had one, she stayed in the family home and had all of the family 'belongings'.  I called dear Auntie and she told me she didn't know but would look in the trunk with all the old stuff.  Mom asked her again, she didn't have time to look.  Six months later, still nothing.  I'm not saying she's not busy, but she doesn't work and does complain that she's at home all the time - you'd think she'd find a minute (do I sound a wee bit bitter).  I think she might be worried I'll dig up the ugly family stuff.  My intent is not to bring out the negative, but to research the family history - every family has good and bad and that won't change.  I'll just plug away and take home my research on my next visit and hopefully get some positive help from dear old Auntie.

Cheers
B

[Windsor87]

I probably do idealise my ancestors.

Take my great great grandmother. She was widowed with a young family, and went on to live to a good old age. Thus I made the assumption that she was a dear old lady.

Then I traced relatives who had met her (her grandchildren). Turns out (not to speak ill of the dead) she was a bit of a witch.

[patrexjax]

Hi Brenda, Yes, by all means, DO talk to your Aunt -- it may very well be that she feels she has to protect someone's honor in the family.  When I found my Father in the 1890 census there was another Brother listed that I never knew anything about. So, that was one of the reasons my Dad didn't want to talk about his childhood. Out of wedlock children were not talked about much except in whispers. So, do tred softly -- but DO talk to your Aunt. Just be gentle and don't overwhelm her with lots of dates.....As a senior citizen I can tell you that the dates can get elusive but the other wonderful information she has you need to pull out while she is still with you....You may still get that photo of your grand-dad. I was recently able to reunite via e-mail -- all of the grand-children from my Father's first marriage. The real shocker was, tho, that one of them never knew of any of the other's existence!! He is 70 years old and just discovered that he has six half-siblings!!! He's still in shock -- but happily so.  Keep on in your quest. Never give up! Pat

[brendam]

Hi Pat,

Congratulations and good work to you - via email you reunited and enlarged a family.  A dream come true.

I think I'll take your advice and talk to Auntie.  I think a face to face will be better and show her the work I have done.  But that will have to wait to I get home next summer - I only get home once or twice each year.  The family tree is separate from my booklet which contains photos and a basic details.  I have done 'memory' pages for Mom and Dad's brothers and sisters that have died, including their pictures and obituaries.  The booklet has 'happy' pictures and nice details of good things.  I don't want to upset anyone, but I'd still like to know details.

I called my Mom and asked her point blank why her mother's marriage certificate had her age listed as 21 if she was born in a certain year.  Mom said, that's easy she lied!!  Of course I asked why and heard the story about the 'wicked step-mother'.   Wouldn't it be nice if all questions were answered that easy.

[patrexjax]

Hi Brenda, Yes, it surely appears that many of our female ancestors had "brain lapses" about their ages!!  However, I have another "opposite" for you. My Father was 47 when he married my Mother who was 20. (First wife died of uterine cancer). On the marriage license in Illinois my Dad stated he was 35!!!!  Apparently he didn't want the clerk to think he was "robbing the cradle!"....But, of course, all of this "stuff" is what makes family history so interesting!  Your "happy booklet" sounds like a great idea.... I hope you have an opportunity to have a long chat with your Aunt in private over it. Hunt on!!!  Pat

[brendam]

China,

Thank you for starting this topic.  Your post and advice from fellow rootschatters has given me the courage to ask questions I thought were 'forbidden'.  I thought about your words and took advice and asked questions.  The communication lines are open and questions are being answered.

Because of this topic I called my Dad and asked some questions and was given some new information about the life of his father (one tidbit - his father spoke 7 languages - wow!). 

thank you and bless you and others who have encouraged me
Brenda

[pipkim]

Hi China,

What a good question.
I have to admit I did initially see my ancestors through rose colour specs when I started this obsession hobby. I did for a short while anyway, until reading in black and white what hard lives they led.

For part of my family tree, I seem to have developed a fondness based on a connection to where they lived in the 1800's and me stumbling across the place years ago, by complete coincidence. So they will probably always be rose tinted for me, what ever I find, fortunately nothing bad so far.

Not the same can be said for characters in other parts of the tree, a womanizing jack the lad and a grumpy old man who would rather be in the pub, they are all long gone now, but I wouldn't have found this info out from records anywhere.

May be if we knew what some people were really like we wouldn't bother researching them!

Pipkim   




 

[Siamese Girl]

I think it's very easy to idealise our ancestors, and see them as "victims" especially if they were poor ag labs or down trodden folk in and out of the workhouse. But I expect, like now, there were the good and the bad, the hard workers and the plain lazy - I don't suppose I've got all the good people and none of the bad in my tree.

I expect a lot would have irritated me as well, much as the living ones do at times! 

Carole

[jinks]

Yes I supposed I DID idealise my Ancestors but my Great
Aunt before she died set me straight, she had done quite a
bit of research on her maternal side, so told me lots of
information, I then told her the information I had found on
this side, Yes all was great.

The I mentioned the her paternal side and the information I
had on this, she was not interested and commented what
do you wanted to know about that side for, they were a
bad lot!.

I havent found anything scandalous YET!, but guess which
one keeps dragging me back to try to delve a bit deeper?

Is that me just being nosey!

Jinks