Hi Bob and Andrea
replying to both at once
Yes, I both wrote to and rang the Carlisle reg office - and  got the same answer... 
There are several possibilities but none that they could say were absolute certs.
Too many Tom Grahams it seems :-)  
I don't have a maiden name for Tom's wife, just her first name - Elizabeth - and the BMD records show between 8 & 12 Elizabeths married to Thomas Grahams in Cumberland depending on how wide an expected time frame I use.
Conversely the IGI records don't show any real contenders.  
Given that Liz was quite possibly under age when she wed (depending on which Liz I choose) I suppose its always possible that Tom and Liz never married at all... (quelle scandal !!  

)
Elizabeth's age does differ with each census record (she's a year or two  'younger' every time!!)   so that possibility is not as off the wall as it sounds.
And yes, I have applied for Tom an Lizzie's son, John's, birth cert  - almost three weeks ago, but have not had it back as yet...  and now we have a post strike who knows when it will turn up (or if)
 I seem to get thwarted at every turn - so maybe Tom really does not want to be found :-) 
I have been looking for quite a while - and sort of finding a living relative in Haltwhistle who can confirm some basic facts I have come to the conclusion that it is all guess work - and not even educated guesses - its real leap in the dark stuff... 

but thank you both for posting replies.
It helps just to have a good old moan about these elusive links  
