Any Don't Want To Knows In Your Family?

[patrish]

Yep,

My aunt and cousins who live in the US dont want to know anything.    I find it really strange because we are such a small family. 

[LizzieW]

Some of my family are slightly interested, until I start telling them what I've found, by last night when my 12 year old grandson came over, he had me searching on the computer for ancestors and was really interested, in fact we were up until the early hours - so at least there's one person I can pass everything on to.

Liz

[Romilly]

Hi there,

I spent years looking ... without any interest whatsoever from my sisters. However, when I turned up some (living) rellies, they both jumped in & arranged a meet-up; which I wasn't invited to:-(

Romilly.

[stoney]

I have one person (1st cousin) who conspired with other relatives to conceal details about my paternal grandparents.

I've managed to find out quite a lot, but he got very shirty when I tried to ask about people and places of which he clearly has some understanding.

It's not as if they were axe-murderers or anything embarrassing - I don't know why he won't tell me what he knows or at least confirm what I've found and proved through records. 

[Tony55]

As a young boy i spent every summer holiday with my grandparents in Dishforth, Yorkshire and my grandmother would always tell me and my twin brother stories about relatives and family life, but we were always interested in other things (like the local RAF base and scrumping apples at the farm opposite their cottage).
As she neared the twilight of her life and i became interested in family history she seemed unable or determined to tell me as little as possible.
My mother was with her during her last moments and her last words were "you'll not catch me now" which i've always taken as i'll not be able to find out about her past.
I've since found out that her mother was not married and she was adopted and brought up by her real mother's sister and husband so i've had to admit defeat as far as her real father's line is concerned!
I think it's mostly that things that we now take as usual in family life held much more of a stigma to our forebears and was definately something that was not for discussion.

Tony

[Romilly]

That's sad Tony, -

It's a shame that these things were such a stigma in days gone by...:-(

I guess that you'd need to take a DNA test to find out more about your background!!

Romilly.

[Tony55]

Yes it is sad Romilly and it's also a shame that we didn't listen more to our grandparents when we were younger!
At least the next generation will have the benefit of fanatic's like us who'll have done all the hard work for them!

Tony

[LizzieW]

I didn't realise that when I was a child, my dad never spoke about his grandparents, even though my mum did.  Now, of course, I can't find anything out about his grandfather, apart from the fact that he got together with his grandmother.  Still can't find a marriage and all my aunt, the only surviving granddaughter will say is that they didn't talk about things like that then!

Liz

[pjbuk007]

It is sad.  My mother is not really interested, and I felt no-one wanted me to ask questions.  I just started this in 2001 when the 1901 census went online, but there was such a negative reaction that I did not pursue it.  Then (in 2001) my Father was diagnosed with cancer and I felt that they would think that  I was asking questions because I thought he was going to die.  And then he did.

Since then my Mother has been a little more interested, but my Aunt (who knows the most and is quite ill) said that I should not look into it as there were people who had been "naughty girls".

Now I have just found that my GG Grandmother was syphilitic, at least she was 10 years after she had my great grandmother.  Which is something I feel I cannot even tell my mother.  She is not bothered about out-of-wedlock stuff, nor ggg grandfather being in the nick in the 1851 for stealing.  But I feel that this is a step too far.  Personally I just find it sad but fascinating that this set of forebears were right at the bottom of the heap.  And actually a great tribute to my grandmother and mother that we have all progressed so far.

But now I am not sure whether my Aunt is worried about this (she was closest to my grandmother).  I think not as my great grandmother died when my grandmother was only 12.  I think no-one knew about what I have found out.

But it does bring into focus how we do need to respect privacy and the sensibilities of our relatives.

Life is not all a bowl of cherries.