Contacts going quiet

[lindylou2_2002]

Yes My mum didn't want me to look in to the family tree, God rest her. She really did look on it as a scandal I guess as I only found out last year that my grandfather had been married twice. He didn't even commit adultery it was his wife.
I just wonder why he never kept contact with his1st family. He died before I was born so I never knew him. As you say today it wouldn't be a scandal at all.

[jim1]

This was a generation that believed in "sweeping things under the carpet"."Nothing said soonest mended" in other words forget it and it'll go away.They didn't have the time or energy to dwell on the past,it was a case of "deal with it and move on".What formed this attitude was that they had very little except their dignity and self respect and respect of others,"what would the neighbours think" was always in the back of their minds,now we don't care what the neighbours think ( well I don't anyway ).

[al b]

Been having a time finding out about my bunch. There must ave been something wrong because grandpas sisters and brothers all left as they became of age. all but two they died. Grandpa went to Canada and then to US never looked back and did not talk about them. The pirat was on Grandmas side  Alan

[lindylou2_2002]

This was a generation that believed in "sweeping things under the carpet"."Nothing said soonest mended" in other words forget it and it'll go away.They didn't have the time or energy to dwell on the past,it was a case of "deal with it and move on".What formed this attitude was that they had very little except their dignity and self respect and respect of others,"what would the neighbours think" was always in the back of their minds,now we don't care what the neighbours think ( well I don't anyway ).

I totally agree with that. My Mother wouldn't question people in authority, As they were brought up that Dr's and such know better etc.
My grandfathers neighbours were always referred to Mr or Mrs soandso never by their 1st names.
 My grandparents  were referred to as Nanny and granddad  Saunders and nanny Turner, Again never 1st names. and I am only 33. So it was still going on till quite recently. That said my Gran was born over a 100 years ago. My grandfather 11 years older than her (who I never knew) so I guess thats where mum got her Values which in essance were quite Victorian from.

[MrsLizzy]

I have "lost" a cousin like this too, except I think there is more to it than those above.  I have a number of ways to contact her, including a postal address, and she hasn't answered me for about a year.  I know she's been going through extremely tough times in the last couple of years but sometimes I've been almost in tears worrying about her and her husband.  They live not far from Chicago and finally a friend of mine in Florida managed to speak to my cousin's husband on the phone.  I have still not heard anything but at least I know they are both still alive and reasonably OK.

It's quite different with my UK cousins in the West of England, who resolutely ignore letters from me trying to return a family heirloom to them.  I have no children you see and I know they have more generations than we have in our branch.  I just feel it's more appropriate for the item, which belonged to our mutual great-grandmother and was with them for about 15 years following her death, to go back to them.  It worries me not knowing what to do with it after my own death.  I don't want anything from them - in fact I think they are rather ignorant and ill-bred in view of their attitude, and so I'd prefer NOT to have anything to do with them - but I would like them to take back this item.   

[Cathymjp]

 trying to return a family heirloom to them.  I have no children you see and I know they have more generations than we have in our branch.  I just feel it's more appropriate for the item, which belonged to our mutual great-grandmother and was with them for about 15 years following her death, to go back to them.  It worries me not knowing what to do with it after my own death.   

This is a problem Mrs. Lizzy.  I have two boys who are not in the least bit interested in the family heirlooms.   I am lucky in that I have cousins whose children would appreciate them, so will probably leave the important items to them.  Neither of my boys are interested in their family tree so these items mean nothing to them.

With regard to Contacts going quiet.  I contacted a lady last year who had posted on Genes Reunited.  Due to one thing and another I was not able to send her the information for sometime and felt really guilty about this.  I have promised some more information but this has only just been completed as I have had to photograph old documents and learn how to put them on the computer to print them out.  This has taken me some time (not being very computer literate).  I expect she has 'given up on me' and I do feel guilty about it but hopefully when she does receive this info she will forgive me for the long delay.

Cathy

[MrsLizzy]

I know that branch of the family has a rising generation - there is at least one young woman in her mid twenties by now who may have children of her own, and she might like to have the item which is a piece of jewellery.  If I knew where they were I could at least will the item to them but I would so much rather pass it on now.   All I know is her name and that she would be about 24 now.  I know where her grandmother lives - Devon - and have written to her but get no reply from the old sweetheart.  Since I know her grandmother is still living there, I might just post the item to her and let her deal with it.  It was she who passed it to me back in the 80s.

[avm228]

Just thought I'd respond on the original subject of this thread as someone who is not always up-to-date with her correspondence

I have an enormous tree - over 10,000 people and counting.  As a result I get a virtually unmanageable volume of responses from GR and the like - many about people I'm not connected with (same name, different place/date/century), many more about people I am connected with, however distantly (6th cousins 5 times removed etc) and a few about closer rellies.

I reply, I think (hope!), to every single one of these with a polite personal message - even if only to say that unfortunately there is no connection. However, this takes an enormous amount of time and sometimes one gets behind.  I recently caught up (think I am now up-to-date) but what with having a real life and a busy career as a barrister it's not always immediate. I do always apologise where there is a significant delay.

All of which is to say - if someone doesn't reply to a message, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to be in touch.  They may be deluged with messages/suffering computer problems/travelling abroad /having babies/suffering bereavements.  Even the most addicted of us have to put FH to one side sometimes. 

I'm always delighted if people prompt me politely where I've overlooked them - not, however, when I get the WHY HAVEN'T YOU RESPONDED TO MY MESSAGE OF YESTERDAY ones when I log on bleary-eyed after an overnight flight or the like.

Anna

[sharonf73]

Hi, back to my original query - I take it all back!  I have now had a response. 

The explanation being her computer crashed over a year ago and lost all the data (still no explanation why it has taken a while to respond to the last bit of correspondence when she contacted me through GR though).

So I am about to reply to her email to me and hopefully we will not lose touch again.  And I'm hoping she may know if there is a reason why my dad's aunt is a bit of a mystery.

However, I have loved reading all the responses on this thread and hopefully, one day, your contacts will get back in touch or reply.  MrsLizzy, I can't believe no-one would want your old piece of jewellery.  I would grab it if a relative offered me one!

Sharon