contacting living relatives

[PassionPlay]

And there's a postscript to my tale - as of Sunday, two more cousins from the Warwickshire family have asked me to get in touch, hurrah!

I have crossed my fingers for more photos - although am delighted just to make acquaintance 

Steph.

[Nick Carver]

And don't forget to leave as many clues as you can on the Internet for people who come searching for the same family tree later. Not everyone uses RootsChat (to their own loss), so stick messages on Surname message boards, regional message boards, the lot. Send messages to people whose surname interests overlap with yours but with whom no apparent match has yet been made. Other people will do the same and this will enable the site owner to respond saying that they are not part of the same family, but contact Fred, who may well be your relative.

[CarolBurns]

My brother in law lent me a book with every Burns (up to a certain date) in the world and it was when I was first starting with the Family Research. I sat one night and typed out a letter on the PC and then printed it out 100 times! Yes you read the number correctly.

I went through the book and found the area I thought hubby's family were from and sent a letter to each one listed. I posted them 20 at a time every couple of days as hubby would have had a fit if he saw the pile I wanted to take to the PO. I ended up printing out another 50 copies before I got them all and it took me over three weeks to post them all. No I didn't find any members of the family but plenty of people contacted me to say they were sorry they couldn't help but wished me luck. Many also gave me telephone numbers of their relatives in other parts of Northumberland and said to say that they had given me the number and they were to help as well. So it went from post to phone. Then I sent a letter by email with a photo, of hubby's father when he was a child with others ofthe family who we didn't know, to the main newspaper up there.

Waiting was the worst bit but two weeks later I received a letter from oneo f hubby's 1st cousins!! Her father was in the photo and she was able to tell us exactly who was who in the photo. We eventually met her 4 weeks later and she gave us so much info I didn't know where to start. With one letter and an old photo we had found father in law's 2 brothers and 2 sisters and all their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren as well!

So if anyone is doubtful about doing anything like this - don't be - just go ahead and do it

You might be surprised how many people will help even though they aren't related

Carol

[Simon G.]

Personally I never send out speculative letters to people who may or may not be related.  OK, that's not quite true...I'll contact people I've come accross online or whatever who have declared they have an interest in a surname I'm researching, but that's slightly different.  This is partially because I've been told to "get lost" too many times by people I know I'm related too, 'cause I remember actually having met them when I was young (what can I say, I've got a family of unco-operative people. )
I tend to prefer to telephone people wherever possible...I find family are much more co-operative if you speak to them like that.  I think it makes it seem more personal, as if you're actually taking an interest in them by taking the time to call them...rather than just clicking print on a letter you've no doubt sent to multiple people already.

Whenever I receive a letter though, I always answer.  Not sure why, maybe us researchers feel more prepared to reply to every enquiry 'cause we'd like people to do the same with ours.

[annaandchester]

I am in Carlisle at the moment researching my family tree. My grandmother happened to mention the other day that my mothers second cousin worked in the town centre so I popped in to introduce myself yesterday. As it was he had retired about 6 months ago but one of his colleagues gave me his phone number.
I rang him last night and although he isn't interested in the family tree he was patient and helpful and has promised to look out any photos that he has. He also gave me the numbers of his two sisters, both of whom are interested in my research (I have promised them both a copy of the family tree) and will also look out the few photos that they have.
My mother only met these people once or twice as very small children but they were all happy to chat to me and share stories of their memories.
What have you got to lose? The worst they would have said was b*gger off and I would be in no worse a position than I was before I rang them. As it is I have a promise of photos and possibly a few memories.

Anna x

[casliber]

Hi,
I have contacted a few and all have been friendly thus far. I prefer ringing and email myself - a letter seems too easy to discard somehow.

One of the most vaulable encounters came by chance - I traced one line from my mother's great grandmother and I looked in the Sydney white pages and there was a phone number of one person with te same unusual hypenated name. I rang it and a man answered and confirmed the name but declined to talk. I left my phone number anyway.

He rang back 5 minutes later and explained he was the lover (widow) of my great-great-grandmother's grandson who had died 10 years before. They had been together 50 years. My grandfather (who I never met as he was estranged from my grandmother and mother anyway) had not liked his cousin as he was gay.

This man had left the phone in his partner's name for 10 years after he died which allowed me to find him. He gave me a Birthday Motto book owned by my great-great grandparents with all their rel's and friends' birth/marriage and death dates. He had also met my great great grandmother who died in 1953 aged 90.

happy searching
cas

[oldcrone]

I'm sure this has been a thread before.....but I've wondered how do folks deal with approaching possible relatives when you haven't got alot about them, but you have found some people via telephone directories/192 etc living in some tiny village that your granny lived in in 1850??!!  With the same surname (often not that common). 

Basically, it's a variation of the 'cold call'.....I haven't done it yet...but advice would be welcomed....!!   

Clara

ps personally, I'd love it if someone approached me  , but not all are interested in FH.....


Moderator Comment: topics merged

[annaandchester]

I have cold called and have found no one but everyone I have ever spoken to has been helpful and nice and really interested in what I was trying to do

Anna x

[Burrow Digger]

Posting your family info online on as many places as possible really works. 

I posted a question last Xmas about my mothers 3x gt grandfather on another forum (not rootschat or rootsweb). My mother was born out of wedlock and adopted out. Her mother got married and had another family. All this I found out from records and indexes online.

2 weeks ago a lady back in NZ (my home country) read my post and contacted me. She turned out to be my third cousin. Her mother and my mother are second cousins, and her grandmother and my grandmother were first cousins - and also very good friends when they were growing up

Since the new cousin lives in the same city as my parents - she and my mother have now met. My mother told me just today that the cousin will be contacting my mothers half siblings and asking them if they are interested in meeting my mother. She is after all a half sister they possibly never knew about.

The cousin will also be determining if my grandmother is still alive or not.  She also has lots of photos and newspaper clippings - so my mother says.   I'll have to write and ask if she can send me some copies by snail or email.

BD