How many have relatives who actually care?

[Quinn]

I started looking for family 12 years ago.  At the time, I honestly believed that my sister, brother and I were actually the last of the family line, just like our dad had always told us.

When I found my first living cousin, my kids went off on me - how could I be talking to a total stranger on the internet?  Didn't I always tell them no?

Then, the day I sat down and made the first phone call to Ireland, my daughter swore I was nuts - calling a total stranger on the other side of the world!

Now, no one in my family cares.  Well, my brother does - he's the only one who wants copies of my information.  But he's not overly excited.  My kids don't care to look at any pictures of family that come in, they don't want to hear about anything connected with the family.

My husband does not want to go to Ireland with me "to meet a bunch of total strangers."  It's a waste of good money to fly 6,000 miles to talk to people I've never met.

So I do it for me, and me alone.  After a lifetime of believing I was totally alone in the world, except for my brother and sister (and their families), I discovered I DO have family out there!  And they at least care enough about me finding them that they can't wait for me to "come home."  Every phone call ends in tears with them telling me "come home, dear.  Come home. You've family waiting here for you."

It's enough for me that I've found them.  It's enough for me that at least this group cares.  And maybe someday later on, my children will finally care about their roots.  Their father's side is documented and researched back to 1200. I want to be able to give them my side, too.

Patty

[Essex export]

Hi Patty

If you want to meet the relatives you have found then you should.

My own father thought he was practically on his own with only two half brothers, one to his father and one to his mother. One was in Oz and the other at the opposite end of the country (UK).
I discovered earlier this year he had a living cousin less than 100 miles away. I promised myself I would go and visit him. He died last month. I am now b****y annoyed with myself for not getting round to visiting him.

There is no guarantee you will like the relatives you have found but you may regret never finding out.
 

Regards
Andy

[wheeldon]

Aaah Patty, your post sounded so sad.  I'm so sorry that your family aren't interested but one day they will be and then you can take the up most pleasure in pretending that you don't remember much.  My husband is not interested at all but then again I would rather boil my own head than go and fly model aircraft with him.  I don't mean to sound flippant as this obviously means a great deal to you and understandably so.

Anyway, I for one will be very interested and will pick your brains endlessly when I start my probably fruitless search for Stacey Quinn who emigrated to the US in the 60s  

Keep your chin up Patty

[Quinn]

Andy and Wheeldon -  answering you both at once.

I'm excited to meet them.  One is a cantankerous old woman who treats me wonderfully.  Other family members tell me she is only nice to me (this is the one who keeps telling me to come home.)  When my sister tried to call her, this cousin rudely informed her she had called during tea and the vicar was visiting - she would just have to call back.  Needless to say, my sister never called again.  But I talk to her quite often and she's a dear.

I'm most excited to meet the one who lives in Omagh.  She seems to be the one who is most like me.

As for my husband not caring - his reasoning is: if he's going to fly 6,000 miles, then it's going to be to see the old castle ruins and what the country has to offer, NOT meet a bunch of people.  Sorry dear hubby, but one of the homes I will be going to just happens to sit very near the ruins of an ancient castle.  His loss.

And the cousin in Dublin?  Well, one of the things we are planning is to spend the day wandering around Dublin itself, looking at the wonderful old buildings.  His loss again.

Another cousin spends much of her summer entertaining in pubs.  Of course, I want to go to a traditional pub to see her perform and absorb the atmosphere.  His loss once again.

I'm excited to go.  And I think my revenge will be when the family realizes what a time I had, and that they could have had a good time too, if they would have only went with me.

If my family doesn't care about their ancestry, then they just don't.  At least I finally know who I am and where I come from.  And I'm proud of my heritage, proud enough not to keep quiet about it. 

I don't know where my records will go if my kids don't want them.  I'll probably leave the order that they be donated to the local history center.  OR, turned over to the LDS repository - I've heard they will take family records that no one wants.

Patty

[wotty]

My husband doesn't really understand the fascination with dead relatives either but he can be persuaded to incorporate something he wants to do, with something I want to do. So, he wants to go to Belgium to see a Grand Prix and he can do so, but we are eating the chocolates and visiting the war graves first!

He'd like to go to Ireland to drink real Guinness and hear real Irish music in a real Irish pub. So he can, so long as we are looking for my Meehans at the same time.

You've got to be cunning with husbands!

Wotty

[woodensue]

Can relate to all of you, my family which includes hubby and daughter who is aged 22, think im nuts and havent a clue what to do with all my family files when I go...............I tell them to have 2 coffins one for me and one for all my dead people as they call them!.............who knows one day they may get the bug!

Happy Christmas everyone! were off to France for festive fun........Anyone searching Dordogne!!!!!!!!

[loo]

I couldn't have cared less when I was 20 or 30 myself.  I didn't know them, and I didn't care;  they weren't part of my life; we had nothing in particular in common.  So, if you keep your info long enough, I firmly believe that eventually someone will get interested, hopefully in your lifetime.  I mean, who knew, when filling out their census report in 1841, that a gggrandchild would read it and CARE enormously about the details? - beyond their imaginings, I'm sure.

If nothing else, connecting with these long lost rellies gives you a unique window into the lives of people who live somewhere other than what you're familiar with.  What a wonderful opportunity to expand your horizons.  If others don't want to share it, oh well, too bad.
My hubby is quite willing to go wherever and meet whomever.  He is a dear.  His own family history has been thoroughly researched, but they can only go back about 125 years because of circumstances, so he's quite happy to ride on my coattails and is in awe of what I've unearthed so far.

[Man of Kent]

Part of the reason maybe that many today have lost the extended family in there lives.
What might seem strange to them now, once wouldn't have 30 years ago.
We all used to meet up, uncles, aunts, cousins.
People would take time to travel to see their families etc, and it would often be a fun thing to do.
People have gotten out of the habit.
So it is not hard to see why these days they are persieved as strangers.

Much the same applies with  neighbours, ask em to name the people in the street they won't know or be interested, but ask em to name the characters in a soap and they'll name the lot, and look foreward to seeing them.

Though for my family it doesn't yet apply, we get together often, I was at my brothers a week ago, with me I had my wife, daughter and grandaughter.
In turn they met my brother, his wife his children and some of there children.

[Quinn]

You know, you're right!  My husband came from a large extended family, and for the most part they all lived within 20 miles of each other.  When I first started dating him, it was a normal thing for me to be taken along to a Sunday get together, which could be as many as 60 people in someone's kitchen.  As the older members died off, the get togethers died off.

On my side of the family, I can honestly say there was never a family reunion, a get together, and seldom a visit to relatives for the holidays.  Granted, even back then, there weren't a lot of relatives.  Just my immediate family, my aunt's family and my very elderly grandmother.  Once grandma passed away, we never seemed to gather again.  (not that it was fun anyway, my mom didn't like my dad's family, and even dad didn't care for them.)

But, now that I think about it, my children have really never met anyone in their dad's family.  They are introduced at various funerals, and that's the only time they see them at all.  Even my husband calls them "the funeral relatives."

That could be a VERY good reason my kids don't care about their history.  It's nothing more than a bunch of strangers on a piece of paper.

Patty