Bad Timing OR Bad Manners

[c w]

Recently a tragedy occurred in my family, where three family members lost their lives.

If this were not distressing enough a few days later I received an email from someone researching our family name telling me how eager he was to research this branch of the family.

Perhaps, I was just too sensitive - but I found this to be most offensive and an invasion on a most personal and private time. Members of my family had already been hounded by reporters and a further intrusion made me feel quite angry.

Am I being too sensitive? 

I have found everyone on Rootschat to be both polite and helpful, it is such a shame that some people seem so enthusiastic that thy forget everyday etiquette and manners.

Sorry if I am being a grouch.

Caroline

[tabitha]

Hi Caroline,

I'm really sorry to hear about your family's loss.

With regard to the enthusiastic researcher that contacted you were they aware of the family tragedy when they contacted you? If they were then I think you were right to be offended and I think in your shoes I might have been less than polite in replying to them.

Last year I contacted a possible cousin on GenesReunited to compare family notes. My email was enthusiastic (but polite). Unfortunately the day I emailed her father died. She sent me a very brief email to tell me that this had happened. My immediate response was to reply and apologise if I had caused her any distress and passing on my sympathies to her and her family.  No mention of family trees.

We are now great friends and as well as exchanging emails we meet up every now and then like old friends.

I wouldn't worry about being too sensitive or angry, everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult situations and you have to do what feels right for you.

Tabitha

 

[c w]

Hi Tabitha,

Thanks for the kind words.
The person who contacted me was aware of what had happened, he even mentioned them by name. I suppose he did not know I was a member of the family, on the other hand having an unusual name and living in the same area, most people would think a connection likely.

Perhaps I am just a little too sensitive at the moment.

Caroline

[suttontrust]

I don't think you're being too sensitive.  If this person came across your name only because of publicity about your family's tragedy, s/he was being incredibly boorish to contact you.  It's a lesson in how not to get carried away by this pursuit.

[Hackstaple]

You are right to be upset CW. This was the act of a ghoul and it was hideously insensitive.

[MarieC]

I am so sorry for your loss, Caroline.  Please accept my sympathy.  I agree with the others.  You have every right to be upset and angry at this person's actions.

MarieC

[c w]

I had been previously been warned of this man's over enthusiastic approach to genealogy - so I suppose I only have myself to blame as I had emailed him some months ago, with regards to the family name.
However, to contact any member of my family at this time I thought a little more than enthusiastic.

Thank you for your kind words - I feel a little better about it knowing I was not being over sensitive.  It has been a difficult few weeks and it is sometimes hard to tell if I was venting my anger on this person without any justification.

I think I will just ignore him - it may be best all round.

[loo]

My condolences on these dreadful losses, Caroline.

My advice, for what it's worth, is don't be chastizing yourself at a time like this, and let go of the need to analyze it to death.  Focus on what's important to you, and don't worry about this new pest in your life.  Since he's the "overenthusiastic" type, you can be fairly sure he'll still be there when and if you're ready to deal with him.

Take care of the people and things that really matter.