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I think it is best to avoid, if possible, telling them they are wrong and limit your reply to why you believe what you do. It may be possible to steer them in a better direction after further communications but it can be very delicate. People can be very possesive of their ancestors.

I think this is very good advice, and I have practical experience of being on the other end of this approach from around 20 years ago.

Someone contacted me to say that she thought we were cousins and shared the marriage register entry for her great grandparents with me - the groom was the same name, age, occupation and had the same father as one of my great grandfathers.

After a very quick flash across my mind of "how dare they", I realised this marriage record was kosher, and concluded that the research info I had inherited wasn't; my great grandparents hadn't married and I had already uncovered a mistake in the research on my great grandmother. 

I therefore set off looking for a "rival" person with similar name, age, birth location.  I found one but also found he married someone who wasn't my great grandmother and he died in the wrong place in the wrong year (we were confident about where and when my GGF died).

When the 1911 census came out my GGF was shown with my GGM (and the woman in the marriage register entry was shown as married on her census return, but with no husband, just children). I could compare his writing and signature on the first of those census returns and on the marriage register. Extremely similar.

So we were now in a position  where we were probably sharing a GGF, and that became a sure thing when a number of us second cousins and half second cousins took their DNA tests, and we were all matches, and we'd proved that our common GGF was a very naughty boy!  Fuller explanation and conjecture about practicalities should you be inquisitive  https://baker-carterfamilyhistory.blogspot.com/2024/10/you-mean-you-might-not-be-who-you-say.html

I thought this would be worth sharing so I fleshed it out into a full tutorial on DNA matching and what to expect when you look at the centimorgan values associated with distant cousins.

Still working through it between Sunday morning chores 

I've tried to explain the source of an individual's DNA by comparing it to lottery balls, but I think your deck of cards is much better!  Thank you for that 

I found the first thing I needed to do is to sort matches into family groups (ancestry allows you to colour code matches into groups).  So if you can find a relative on your mother's father's side of the family (or get one or two to do a test  ), these should identify which matches can be discounted in terms of who might help you find your great grandfather.

You may also find it helpful if you can load a skeleton family tree (ancestors only) which you can associate with your test which again will help you sort your matches.

My second cousins (ie people with whom I share a great grandparent) have been mostly within the range of 100 cM to 350 cM - so if you have a direct descendant from the unknown great grandfather who has done an ancestry test, they should quite noticeable.

I did my test to check out a few unknowns, and have resolved 2 of the three target questions.  I also found some eye-rolling info I was not aware of   

Good luck

Is Percy the son of Arthur Edward Gibbs and Catherine Caffery, who were married in 1893 Croydon?
1901 Census has the family living in Norwood area.
At a quick glance, I didn't see them in 1911.
Jackie

Yes I assume Percy is the son of Arthur and Catherine

1911 14 Railway Place, Sunbury Middlesex they are boarders with Robert Goddard and family

Kate Gibs 40 mar laundress  born ? Surrey  ( mar 17yrs 5 children 4 living 1 deceased)
Arthur Gibs 16 lab on farm    Born Penge Surrey
Percy Gibs 13   scholar              born Croydon Surrey

Yes, that's Catherine with sons Arthur jnr and Percy.  She appears to have died 1916 in Ashford, Middlesex (about 2 miles from her 1911 address), with Percy Gibbs informant.  As Arthur junior attested with the Artillery in 1913, I suspect there was no-one at the Ashford address who knew where other members of the family after Percy died on the western front - thus the medals were returned

Arthur Gibbs in 1911 was at Church Army House in Stockwell, South London.  He reappears in Sydenham in 1919, marrying, as a widower,  Elizabeth Rose Ansett, at Lewisham Register Office, living in the same road as Arthur junior in 1921

The rmedal card makes reference to 1743 KR. 

Para 1743 of the Kings Regulations 1912 says "medals which, at the end of 10 years, still remain unclaimed, will be sent to the India Office (if granted for India service) or to the deputy director of ordnance stores, Royal Dockyard (Medal Branch), Woolwich (if granted for other service) to be broken up".

So the medals were never claimed. 

That's very helpful , Jomot, thank you very much

I'll mark this thread closed in a few days, if there's no more responses

JULIAN

Uploading raw data from Ancestry and taking advantage of the tools you usually have to pay for, saving a few is what I am suggesting. I wasn’t suggesting anyone pay for a My Heritage DNA test.

But since you mentioned it, for me, Ancestry has been disappointing - very few of my matches have trees, a few have only two or three names, and virtually no one responds to my messages.

Unless the infomation is hidden away or I’ve missed it (likely), you can’t even see what country your match lives in or their approximate age, which might at least have given a starting point to do your own research to try to find where your connection is.

I’m probably just unlucky match wise. 

It's frustrating, isn't it?  I just check for each match identified by Ancestry to see if there are any further shared matches.  I just concentrate on these groupings

The one bonus with the My Heritage matching is that you can see what the relationship might be between two of your matches, which you can't with Ancestry (or I've just not worked out how to do it!).  So it is worth loading your ancestry test onto My Heritage when they have these offers.  I expect they want to grow their reference group by importing Ancestry test results.

JULIAN